I don't know what to think, or say...

[pixydust]

Some people really are stupid. I really dont get where some people got the idea that being married and having money etc means you'l be a more competent parent! (I think a lot of these people don't have children!) because it honestly is a complete load of rubbish! it may help in some aspects but in regards to being a good mum - nope, not at all!

 

[ems]

Print out what your co-workers said and take it into your work. You will have evidence of why your feeling stressed and anxious in your work environment and hopefully your bosses will understand why you feel like you don't want to go back. You haven't done anything wrong, you don't need to feel this way because of other people that are bullying.

 

[kate1984]

Report the colleagues to your boss and block em all including V.

You don't need that and you don't need to be talked to like that, you will be a great mum!

 

[AFwife77]

That's shitty of people to talk like that hun...Sorry..

 

[NewMummyTurne]

Facebook has so much to answer for.

If possible delete facebook. And delete those people from your life.

There have been people in worse situations than you, and you want your child that makes you a fantastic mummy.

 

[bumphenders]

Oh wow, I'm overwhelmed by all of your support and friendliness, its brought tears to my eyes! Thank you all so much.

I have reported it to work and they have said it is a form of bullying and people have been fired for much worse... I have to go in for a meeting some point this week to discuss the next few actions etc.

As for V, She has talked to family members (who are very close to my step dad, and have obviously gone back to my step dad and told him to try and protect me, and stop me from getting upset over it) and she has actually said it was about me, I think i'm just going to delete her, we were never really that close anyways and I hardly see her. I want to delete facebook altogether, but I have a few friends that live a while away from me, that I contact and share photos and things via facebook, along with most of my family who live down south..

I have never really rubbed my pregnancy in anyones face, or really broadcast loads of stuff on facebook, Granted I post things about it now and again, but never to hurt anyone - My best friend is ttc and has been for a long time, so I try not to post much because I know she hurts alot because like I said previously, I've got what all TTC woman want, and I didn't even have to try, or have it planned etc.
So Its not like anyone can say I'm being spitful etc.

I just want to curl up in a ball and hid away for the next 22weeks and come back in April when i have my LO :/

 

[LaRockera]

We were told we don't really have fertility issues, but it did take us 13 months and an IUI to conceive, and even though that was a very tough time for DH and myself, I never felt bitter or vengeful towards other women. Your cousin is not representative of ladies that have to climb the infertility road- she's a shame to them.

And to be honest with you, it sounds that your pregnancy is not the only reason she has to be jealous of you. She sounds like a person with a strong inferiority complex syndrome. Ignore her, because someone that is just so bitter and evil is suffering inside. Jealousy can eat you alive, and be glad you're not the one with this crappy inner world.

As for your colleagues, you did well to speak to your manager. People need to realise that their professional conduct doesn't end once they physically leave work- they made their bed, now let them sleep in it.

And to be fair, such puritanical, irrational view of what constitutes proper motherhood gives me the chills.

 

[o0oCharlieo0o]

people make me so angry!! how dare they say you wont be a good mother!! not to be funny but just because someone is in a stable relationship doesnt mean anything, i was married with my first two kids, my ex husband had a job etc, and he left me in debt and i had no job because of bringin up two kids, but that didnt mean i then was a bad mother, i find it terrible, you will be great hun, keep your chin up, jealousy is rather ugly i think xx

 

[sandilion]

bumphenders - I now how it feels also to feel like deleting your facebook because of how certain people have made you feel, as i have also been treated really poorly by friends and family and i have had to remove them. I have even removed my dad and step sister recently due to recent things that have happened. It's what i have needed to do in order to break away from all of the drama, and i don't care anymore if people are offended because it has become very clear to me that they don't give a shit how i feel.

I have personally decided to keep my facebook because why should i stop myself from being able to easily stay in contact with actual decent friends all because certain people have caused me to need to remove them and therefore make me feel awkward about having a facebook account. It's not our fault some people are shit, but thank goodness for the delete button!

If you actually want a facebook so you can keep in touch with nice people and share photos, then don't feel you should delete it because of what has happened. Just delete all the people that cause you grief on there and in real life, and just hold your head up high! Who cares if they feel rejected and awkward and snooty .. Good! I hope they do! They deserve it.

 

[NuKe]

who the HELL do they think they are?? they must be completely perfect in every way to start judging others and looking down their noses. you need to 1. block all of them and 2. report this to your boss. it is bullying. and wrong. if they ignore you or anything due to you reporting them, even better! what absolute *******s. there's never a "right" time to have a baby but it works out! as long as your child has a dry bum, wet mouth, clothes on their back and lots of love... that's all they need. your cousin sounds extremely jealous. i can empathise with her to a point, we were TTC and had losses whilst my OH's cousin and his wife forgot themselves one night and bang! pregnant! it hurts, but I was a good weight, didn't drink, yes I smoked but had I been in your cousin's position I would definitely NOT be slagging you off. secretly I'd probably be a bit upset and jealous but I'd never say it! what a bitch. I hope you're ok hun.

 

[bumphenders]

I have been on the phone to my team leader this morning and she said she doesn't want it to be taken to HR etc, and that she wants me to sit in a room with the other girl and herself and see what we can get sorted, I personally don't want to see the girl, as she has caused enough grief and hassle with other family members after saying what she did, so I told my Team Leader I needed time to think about everything. She said because it happened outside of work, she doesn't feel its needed to be taken to HR but would rather deal with it herself, and that the other girl really didn't mean to cause any problems etc.

She is going to ring me on Thursday to see how I feel then.

I'm extremely stuck on what to do....?


And I am going to go through my "friends" on facebook and delete all the ones I don't really speak to or who have a negative look towards me and my pregnancy!

 

[AveryATL]

If the girl didn't 'mean to cause problems' then she WOULDN'T have said anything about it on Facebook - TO YOU. I am sorry, but I have to call BS on that one. She didn't mean for it to cause problems for HER, and now that she has realizes that it can cause problems for her, she is backpedaling very quickly.

You are in the right her, NOT her. Your team leader doesn't get to decide how big of a deal this is for you, only YOU do. Your team leader just probably doesn't want to do the extra work to take it to the HR department. It isn't about what your team leader wants to do, it is about what you want to do. I can't believe the other person hasn't contacted you - even with a note - apologizing for their behavior!!!!

From my perspective you have three choices:

1. Tell the team leader that you are uncomfortable being in a meeting with the other lady, and have no desire to talk it out with her. She has already communicated her feelings clearly, and that you would like to know what your team leader plans to do to make sure that you have a comfortable work environment.

2. Tell the team leader that you are uncomfortable with a meeting, and while you understand her feelings to keep it 'in house', you would like this escalated to the HR department, and handled from there. Period, end of story.

3. Go to the meeing, and see what happens. Don't promise or give away anything, and depending on the outcome either let it go or escalate it to the HR department.

And, as far as this being 'outside of work'...so what. The internet has made our private lives available to our work. How many companies screen candidates facebook pages before hiring them? If you were to get arrested for something in your private life, would it affect your job with the company?? I bet it would!!

That said, you can't blame the work girl for what your family has done. Those are separate issues. She might have brought something up, but it isn't her fault that V felt obliged to pounce when she felt like you were down. Honestly, the way I would handle V would be to call her out IN person, the next time you see her in a family setting. She sounds VERY passive aggressive - to make snide comments about someone, knowing that they can see, but not *really* able to pen the message on her.

I wouldn't be RUDE to her but I would say something (when there was an audience) "You know the message you posted about me on Facebook was really upsetting to me. I understand that getting pregnant was not the ideal thing to have happened to me, but it is a consequence of a choice that I made, and I am an adult enough person to take responsibility for my actions. Whether or not you think I am going to be a good parent is not only pointless, but also harmful for this baby, as so much anger and negativity causes me a lot of stress, and that is never healthy for pregnancy. In a perfect world, maybe things would be different, but this isn't a perfect world, and I am doing the best I can. It is really sad for me that instead of having family members who can emotionally support me right now, when I need it the most, they instead write nasty things about me for the world to see and make me feel really bad."

And, leave it at that. I really think in situations like this, killing them with honesty and confronting them with it is best. Most people hide behind Facebook, and would NEVER say to someone what they say on there.

 

[luckybreak]

I would block them all but before you block fat ass make sure to tell her that yes the truth hurts but you are going to let her know anyways! to put the fork down, put the butt down, and all around get a personality!! what a wench! don't listen to those people they won't be there when you need help they won't pay your bills so forget them!

 

[luckybreak]

I have been on the phone to my team leader this morning and she said she doesn't want it to be taken to HR etc, and that she wants me to sit in a room with the other girl and herself and see what we can get sorted, I personally don't want to see the girl, as she has caused enough grief and hassle with other family members after saying what she did, so I told my Team Leader I needed time to think about everything. She said because it happened outside of work, she doesn't feel its needed to be taken to HR but would rather deal with it herself, and that the other girl really didn't mean to cause any problems etc.

She is going to ring me on Thursday to see how I feel then.

I'm extremely stuck on what to do....?


And I am going to go through my "friends" on facebook and delete all the ones I don't really speak to or who have a negative look towards me and my pregnancy!

Print the exchange and bring it to the office, so she can see for herself..the girl was a bully and bullies should be stopped. Try and take a deep breath and show up show her you are not afraid of her and tell your boss it is work related she found out you were preggo at work and took her opinions public. teachers and firefighter lose their job over these. Good luck!

https://www.thebostonchannel.com/news/24670937/detail.html

https://www.allfacebook.com/firefighter-loses-job-over-facebook-posts-2011-02

 

[no drama mama]

It seems to me that your team leader doesn't want it to go to HR because it will reflect poorly on HER. I think it clearly needs to go to HR - whether it was at work or not is irrelevant. It's affected your ability to work therefore it's a work problem.

 

[LaRockera]

I think it clearly needs to go to HR - whether it was at work or not is irrelevant. It's affected your ability to work therefore it's a work problem.

This.

It clearly made you reluctant to go to work, and that's every thing to do with work.

Have you told her explicitly how this has made you feel?

 

[Sew_Sweet]

I am glad your work is going to do something about the harassment. Please - refer to it as harassment as that is a legal term and "bullying" doesn't sound quite as serious. It's true it is bullying - but I like to use buzz words with executives because they know you're serious and you know the language. But I am glad they are taking steps. Do print screen shots of the comments your co-workers made on your Facebook because that is your evidence.

After that is all dealt with - remove those people and everyone else who is anything BUT a positive influence from your social media sites. Facebook can be good - it can be wonderful really! But the problem is people start adding every individual they know to their friends list - and that's when problems start. First - make it a rule to NEVER add co-workers to your Facebook. Just don't don't it - ever! Unless it's a situation where you've been friends with this person forever or something. Facebook can and will always be used against you career-wise. So keep that separate. You shouldn't need to feel like you need to remove yourself from Facebook. Just remove the people who are assholes from your "friends" list. Make room for real friends on that list. It's a great way to keep people updated about baby and your life - people who care.

 

[bumphenders]

I have print screened them and kept them. I have seen the doctor and he has given me a sick note for another 4 weeks as he doesn't want me to be under anymore stress then I already am under. I have suffered from depression in the past, and more recently felt very down...
I start maternity leave on Jan 28th so it doesn't look like I will be back before then, Then when I do go back to work, I want to go back as part time, so I wont be on this girls team anyways...
So I'm thinking, it may be a good idea just to go t a meeting with her and my TL, and get it dealt with that way, rather then dragging it out :/

I just don't know if it would be worth dragging it out if i'm not going to be working with her, but at the same time, I'll feel cheated if she gets away with it so easily.

 

[IrishGirl]

We were told we don't really have fertility issues, but it did take us 13 months and an IUI to conceive, and even though that was a very tough time for DH and myself, I never felt bitter or vengeful towards other women. Your cousin is not representative of ladies that have to climb the infertility road- she's a shame to them.

This exactlyAs ive said it took us 5.5Years loadssssss of failed treatments to concieve this lil 1.Women like her make me sick and and
i hate it when they "THINK"they represent Infertility battlesI loved seeing anyone posting BFPs and was always happy for them.Which ever way you concieve TTC or Not,its a Massive blessingEnjoy every second hun its your pregnancy it