i don't no what to do...

[unsure]

I feel bad posting this as I know some of the women on here are TTC, but i needed some advise.

let me fill you in:

i'm 20, in a loving relationship, starting a new job working full time, on a lowish but ok wage, and i live in a shared house.
my boyfriend is nearly 23 and in his final few months of uni, working part time and he also lives in a shared house.

yesterday we found out i was pregnant (dispite being on the pill), i think it would make me about 6 weeks....(so thats 4 weeks since conception right?)


basically, we're stuck, the pregnancy wasn't planned - hence being on the pill. but we don't no what to do.

do we choose the selfish route, because we're not in a good financial position to support a child, and we don't want to have to change our plans of travelling.

or do we keep it and make a go of it. I've read some other posts, and i know you can get financial support.

when we found out we were both a bit blank, yesterday my bf told me he's more against keeping it, today he says he's had a think and although he's still not for keeping it, he's warming to the idea.

he believes his parents would disown him, he doesn't want to be a disappointment to them.

my mum had me when she was very young, so although she would be disappointed for me, she'd be their for us if we decided to keep it.

at the moment while we don't no what to do, only the 2 of us know.
theres a big part of me thats kind of embaressed to tell any1, i really need some advise, but i dont feel i can tell my friends.

i'm kind of worried about an abortion...just because i dont no what my views are on it. but on the other hand, i dont no whether im kind of hoping if i ignore it it will go away....i know that wont happen!

my bf said he'd never force me into anything and would be there whatever my decision, his main concern is my well being.
i dont want this decision to be mine alone and i've told him that.

Also - should i go to a family planning clinic for advise....will they help? is it worth ringing nhs helpline...what do we do if we keep it....i have no clue!

basically, i just need some advise, on both decisions if possible, some of your own stories.

 

[Serene123]

Ignore the family stuff, the financial stuff, all the hard stuff, do you WANT the baby?

 

[Serene123]

I'm eighteen. I got pregnant using protection and taking the morning after pill. I wasn't silly and no one thinks I am. I didn't make a mistake my baby was just a miracle. At first, my boyfriend was completely against it but I know I was against abortion and there was no way I could kill my baby. I wanted my baby. Something inside me told me that it was just meant to be and everything would be O.K. Now me and my boyfriend are arguing a little, disagreeing on some stuff, but we both want this baby.

 

[unsure]

thanks girls,

basically im still a little in shock...i don't no if i want this baby, maybe thats because my bf's views are confusing me.

i know he will stick by me if i keep it, which is amazing.

i think im just confused because i didnt expect it.

did u know straight away or did u need some time?

 

[swattongemz]

I personally don't believe in abortion, but it is your choice at the end of the day.

Financially you would get government help/ tax credits/ child benefit and maybe housing benefit towards your housing.

As for travelling, really there is no reason why baby can't go with you. I took my son to spain and lived there a year when he was 2 yrs old. They have creches cheap abroad too.

Hope all works out for you

 

[Serene123]

Honestly, I knew straight away that I couldn't have an abortion. Keeping the baby on the other hand was a completely different thing. I've thought a few times about whether it would be better with someone else, happier with someone else. But, it happened for a reason and I know I'll know what that reason is one day. Maybe you'll find your reason? I think maybe you should try telling your mum. I know mine was disappointed but she couldn't have been more supportive. It helped knowing she would help me

 

[tinytoes]

hiya,

gosh what a predicament.

If I were you I'd look at it from the point of view of how you would feel post abortion. Can you imagine yourselves being happy to go travelling and ready to start a family further down the line? And there is a risk of damaging future fertility with abortions isnt there? I'm not sure, but it's something to consider.

Speak to your Mum. Ask her advice. You need advice from those you trust right now. This is a big decision. Go to your doctor, get his/her advice. I saw my baby's heart beat at 6 or 7 weeks and that was a bit amazing....could that thought affect your decisions?

You've time to think so don't panic, but do read around. Maybe your boyf could also speak to his parents - surely they can't disown him for an accidental pregnancy? It's not like you're 15 and not using contraception.

No doubt a lot of people will try and tell you what is morally right and wrong. But what you need to do is ask the medical professionals and those you love for their advice - gather as much info as you can and then make the decision with your own heart - not your head. Only a heart felt decision can make you truely happy I say.

 

[Wobbles]

Ignore the family stuff, the financial stuff, all the hard stuff, do you WANT the baby?

I echo this!

Your heart - what does your heart tell you?

In general even planning a baby when it happens its a shock and little worries come into it. We all have our incomes and outgoings so then theres a new baby BOOM how do you afford that *panic* the answer is you just do!! Theres ways to save money getting baby stuff sorted, sticking with essentials first of course ... Just happens, bubs fits in and its an amazing experience.

What do you do if you keep it? I don't understand the question I have to say - you carry and love you baby and YOU WILL love your baby and the bonding before birth is very special.

Talking to someone at the family planning clinic may be a good idea they will give you information on pregnancy, financial help available to parents & discuss termination and the posibilities of this - I don't know much info but I know termination can effect conceiving in the future for example.

 

[Serene123]

Omg tinytoes that actually nearly made me cry So hormonal!

 

[cupcake]

good luck, what ever you decide i think u need all the support you can get from your mom and boyfriend. i agree with the others deep down you will know what u want, so you just need to take some time to think........

 

[unsure]

just a little update - i've just rang up the local sexual health clinic, the woman was really nice, she's referred me the a drop in centre, im going on saturday morning, so i'll let u no how things go then.
thanks so much for your thoughts and advise.
xx

 

[Serene123]

good luck x

 

[tinytoes]

Omg tinytoes that actually nearly made me cry So hormonal!

heheh Toria, you make me laugh!!! arent hormones fun!! hehe.

 

[nikkybaby]

I just wanted to give you a . I don't really have any advice that anyone hasn't given you yet. You just need to follow your heart. My pregnancy wasn't planned, and I freaked out! Sometimes I still freak out , but I know that in the end, it will be all worth it, and even if it doesn't seem like it now, things will work out for you. Talk to your mother. She will be able to help you out loads. And good luck at your appointment!

 

[mommy2B(18)]

Not to put you down or anything but...
Nr 1...I think you should tell your mother a.s.a.p
The more support the better
3 Heads are better than one
I trust mom will support you either way

Secondly I`m no expert on abortion but have heard alot
of horrific stories re: abortion
Loads and loads of (long-term) effects it has on your
physical and mental well being
and I think that you should study those before considering it as
an option
If you need info post me and I`ll send you info on this subject

If you want to have the baby there are ways and means to give him/her
a good life

Whichever way trust your heart
you`ll know what`s right in the end

If you do decide to keep him/her bf`s parents will
come around eventually.Trust me

Good luck

 

[coccyx]

Tell your mum, you need her support whatever you choose to do. I would be disappointed if i was your mum but i would hate to think you were making such a big decision without my support. Its happened and now you need to think about what you really feel and want. I was worried about telling my mum i was expecting! I am 40, married and have 3 already!!!! Thought she would say it was daft and I would never cope, BUT she said lovely and she would help out as much as she could!!! Good luck and look after yourself

 

[Sweetie]

When I found out I was pregnant (not a teen mum btw) I was surprised to say the least. We had decided to stop letting nature take it's course and I was waiting for AF to come so I could switch BC methods. When I found out and confided in a friend who knew out situation, I admitted that I was scared, and her only question was about if I had been happy to find out for even a nanosecond? Which I definitely had, even though my OH and I had BOTH just been laid off of work!

Society portrays everyone who finds out as wonderfully excited, not the case. From talking to friends there is often a period of apprehension (choose any other word you want)

I guess basically, if you even felt a glimmer of happiness however fleeting it may have been, follow your heart

Hugs and support for any decision you choose to make.

 

[lauren-kate]

It was a shock when I found out I was pregnant, and I was a bit like you are now - unsure and nervous, and kind of a bit excited at the same time. I found out at 23 weeks, having been on the pill and having had periods for much of that. I was supposed to be starting uni in the following month, I was no longer with his father, I was still living at home (and still am) and I had absolutely no money. They discovered my pregnancy on a hip x-ray I had done and at my first appointment they thought it was much earlier into the pregnancy than it actually was. I'll be totally honest and say that I was considering abortion - I just thought it would be absolutely impossible to raise a baby in my situation. HOWEVER, now that I've had Ryan, I cannot imagine NOT having him. When I think back to how I even considered abortion, I feel awful and I dread to think how bad I'd feel if I'd actually done it. Even with my situation, things are going ok and I love Ryan more than anything else in the world. Not trying to influence your decision, but just giving my situation and opinion on things. Good luck whatever you choose to do. xx

 

[Linzi]

I found out I was pregnant at 21, which isnt far off your age.

My boyfriend and I both both finished studying last year, and after 6 months we are finally starting to get back on our feet financially. Although we arent there yet. That was the big deciding factor for us, and Im not ashamed to admit it. When I found out, I knew straight away I wanted the baby, but I didnt want it to have anything but the best and we are in no position to provide that at the moment.

The best advice I got, someone on here gave me actually and it completely knocked me back down to earth

'When is the right time to have a baby hun?'

It sounds really simple, but I believe there never really is an ideal time. As someone above said, even if you are TTC, you probably would be a little taken aback by it.

I dont think anyone would think any less of you for having an abortion, and although there is a lot of horror stories, its also a very simple procedure. Ive never had one, and I personally dont think I ever could, but my friend had 2 and she's fine.

Dont let anyone push you into a decision, and its great that your boyfriend is standing by you so much.

Hope you manage to get your head around things hun
xxx

 

[snugglemuffin]

So many people tell tell you your life is over and you cant do anything once you have had a baby and frankly it's crap! You can do anything with a baby that you can without just takes a little more planning is all Just remember wether your decision is to keep it or terminate it is one either way you can regret for the rest of your life.

I did it at 17 and i am working doing a degree and have my own house and car ect ect. after starting on benefit and in my dads house then a council house.

Parents also dont have to live with your decision you have to and the usually come round. Adam thought his mum and dad would disown him as they are catholic and we are not married (he is 26 and has just finished his masters!!) but they loved the idea and are so excited. Just ask if you can live with what ifs.

With my son i considered it to the point of going to the hospital to get the dating scan to see if a termination could be done. (you dont see it) and then i knew couldn't deal with the what ifs.

Hope it helps. Good luck in your decision hope it is the right one for you. x