I don't think I'm cut out for CC

[Lara310809]

* Before I start, I don't want this to turn into a CC or CIO debate*

We did controlled crying with LO last night, and it was terrible. I started out going to see her in 5 minute intervals, but she was screaming so much, and I thought I had to be rigid with the rules. In hindsight, I should have either listened to her cries, or reduced the intervals in which I went to reassure her, but I didn't think to.

It took her half an hour to get to sleep, but when she was sleeping she was still shaking from having cried so much; and she kept waking herself up to cry for another hour or so. She also gave herself a cough from screaming so much, so she was sleeping really badly from 11-2am, so I didn' get any sleep then; and she woke loads through the night too. I think it's the worst nights sleep I've had in a long time.

Is this what CC is supposed to be like? I thought it was the kinder version of CIO, but my LO doesn't seem to think so, and listening to her cries last night, she sounded terrified If we can't use CC I have no idea how we're supposed to get her to go to sleep on her own.

Tonight we're going to try implementing a proper bedtime routine (until now she's always slept fine without one); and I hope more than anything that this helps her. If not, I have no idea what to do.

 

[Mrs IKW]

Im not into cc or cio and for the first 5 months of Violets life I fed her at bedtime then rocked/sang her to sleep... I knew it couldnt go on forever as shes getting heavy and my poor arms were killing me! For the past week I started waiting till she yawned a couple of times, then put her in her cot with a dummy and her comfort blanket and switched on her lightshow with soothing music (winnie the pooh) I then lean over the cot whispering 'sssh' or bend over and give her lots of kisses while whispering nice things! If she is really tired then she will shut her eyes straight away and go to sleep, if not she will look at me or watch the lightshow for a few mins (it will play for 5 or 15 mins) and she has fallen asleep within the 15 mins for every nap and at night for the past week or so. I dont leave the room until she has shut her eyes.

Its amazing as for 5 months she wouldnt self settle but now she is! I do think even a basic routine helps, I try to keep to similar times for everything from about 5.45pm.

Hope that helps! I know Violet is younger but if she can self settle without crying tgen any baby can!!!

 

[Mrs IKW]

Just seen your other post and it looks like you've tried everything already!

 

[jaybee]

Oh Hon, it is really hard. Sorry it has not gone too well for you.

Maybe tonight try doing shorter intervals? 1 or 2 minutes, and then slowly extend over the coming nights.
The first night is ALWAYS hard and I wish I could say it gets easier (in a way it does) but it is never easy to hear the cry. However I have to say Half an hour is REALLY good. Our first night was nearly two hours!
I know that they say you shouldn't, but when we did it, we actually picked Tobi up to soothe him as laying hands on him made no difference. Maybe try that would help to soothe LO enough between visits!

 

[snailien]

I'm sorry I can't offer any advice but i too am considering doing this. I have heard that it takes longer than half an hour though so that does sound good!

My health visitor suggested the disappearing chair as a slightly less harsh method....

The disappearing chair
This technique is good for toddlers from 16 months – at around this age they can more easily understand the message that this method is trying to get across. It can also be used for younger children who can’t fall asleep alone, or babies from eight months. ‘If you can’t bear to hear your baby cry, choose this approach,’ says Jackie.
• ‘Put your child to bed awake,’ says Jackie, ‘then sit on a chair beside his cot or bed until he falls asleep.’
• There should be no eye contact and no talking. Read a book if you like but give no attention. ‘You’re telling him “I’m here, you’re safe, but it’s time for sleep”.’
• Each night, move your chair further away – towards the foot of the bed, towards the door, outside the door. With a baby, stroke him through the cot bars on the first night, stop stroking the second night, then move away gradually.
• ‘Done consistently,’ says Jackie, ‘This works as quickly as controlled crying.’

 

[Lena]

I don't judge those who do CC, but its not for me. The few times I have left Nate to cry for a little bit, even just 5 mins (we're talking all out cry, not whinge), because he wouldn't settle, he got so upset that when I did go to him, he just wouldn't calm down, kept crying, gasping for air and even vomitted. I can't do it to the little monkey. We just keep finding new and different techniques to getting him to sleep that work for a few months and then stop working again. I used to rock him to sleep and place him in his cot, now that doesn't work anymore so I've starting placing him in his cot, shhhh'ing him and rubbing his bum whilst he drifts off. He does have a bedtime routine though and has done since he was a few weeks old. Bath, bottle, bed, so getting him to sleep has never been a problem, its just staying asleep that is for him.

Oh yeh, and if i put him to bed and he's in a bad mood, crying and such, he usually has a pretty poor night sleep and wakes loads because i think he wakes up and is still p!ssed off at me! hah. So I usually play a game or tickle him lots before bath to make him happy and giggle.

 

[Lara310809]

MrsIKW - She used to be a fantastic sleeper; like you say we would just put her in her cot with lullabies playing and a nightlight, and she would put herself to sleep without much, if any help from us. She was ace; I don't really know why it's suddenly changed.

Jaybee - I expected it to take longer too, but 30 mins is pretty good. I'm just worried that she will end up worse off emotionally. I can continue doing it; I can ignore her cries, but I worry that she will only get worse, and I don't know that it's okay to let them scream so much they end up coughing so much during the night and sleeping badly as a result My OH says she's playing the game, but I can only see it as her being upset and scared to be by herself, so I'm not sure.

Snailien - I've heard of that technique before. I tried sitting with her the first night (last week), but I was talking to her etc, and I guess that's the reason she wouldn't settle. Perhaps I will try this too.

 

[ellers]

Make sure your LO isn't teething or running a fever - we had loads of false starts with Louie and his sleeping because he kept getting colds.
I think (and we managed to get Louie to sleep properly after one night of CC, and this is after one year of waking repeatedly EVERY night) the key is being confident when you leave the room. If he senses that I'm being a bit nervous, he'll pick up on it. I think (although who knows) that he thinks 'it's just not worth crying to be picked up or cuddled when all she does is come in, put my dummy in, lay me down, quick pat on the back, a ssssh and then leaves. I may as well go to sleep then'.
There's a lot to be said for confident movements I reckon.
Maybe give it a week and try again, just in case she's feeling under the weather or anything?

 

[Kota]

Not read the other replies.

You say that you don't have a set bedtime routine? What do you do at the moment?
Is there any form of structure so your LO knows whats coming next or is it just random playing away and then suddenly she's in her bed expected to go to sleep?

If CC feels wrong then don't do it, its only going to be worse for everyone if its a half hearted attempt that you don't follow through with, your little girl won't know whats going on, will be confused as ever, and bed time could become a super scary thing as she'll know you won't come when she calls you.

Right now my suggestion would be to put CC on the back burner, and put in place a firm, reliable, structured bed time routine thats exactly the same every night. the time it happens doesn't matter as much as the order. so for example,

Dinner
pack up toys together
bath
pajamas
bottle/milk
book
cuddles and then
bed

From when she gets out of the bath, have lights dim, TV off and everything low key to show that playing has finished and its time to calm down.

If you do this every night for a couple of weeks, she'll quickly learn what comes next and will begin to enjoy it,

We never had a routine at night and around the same age as your LO, had to put something in place. Now P knows exactly whats going on and loves doing each step, at the end of it all he runs into bed and settles easily, no CC, no CIO, no need.

I really think that having a routine where she knows whats expected of her, and is able to calm down in the time leading up to bed, will help with settling much more then CC will.