I am a really really shy person. I suffer from panick attacks when I go outside, I feel like people are looking at me (I know it's in my head but it still gives me panick attacks) I hated everything about all the examinations in my pregnancy. Then even worse I had to have an operation after labour to fix my 3rd degree tear, I was so anxious about it because it was done by two male surgeons. I ended up having a panick attack before they did it and I had to be sedated. I thought it was all over and I didn't have to have anymore humiliating things but then I got this letter through about a week after birth saying I have to have an endorectal scan, I really, really don't want it. They said it's to check my stitches have healed. Noone else I know who's had 3rd degree tear has had it, I don't think I need it, everything feels fine. The letter said it'd be in Novemeber and I thought it would give me time to get used to the idea but I got another one through this morning and it said they've moved it forward to August and when I got the letter through this morning I couldn't stop crying, I really really dont want it.