I must have known it would be 50/50?! I really honestly Said and felt like I didn't care all that much until at my 12 week scan the senior sonographer blurted out that it was a boy and I realised I was a) fuming at her for slipping up when we wanted a surprise and b) gutted that it was another boy. This is my fourth and last baby. We do luckily have one girl and I am blessed. Already she is my best friend. I'm thinking irrationally. Boys are beautiful and loving but as soon as they grow up they're gone. Girls are their mum's best friends. I guess u was just being greedy and wanted to have another girl to be best friends with. I just want my kids in my life forever and I fear losing them so much. So the idea of a baby boy is awesome. Until they grow up. Then you have nothing in common. They sway towards their dad if anything. My husband to be sees his parents fairly regularly but adores his dad and speaks down to his mum even though she has been the one doing everything all his life. She irritates me so my kids hardly see her as a result and I think that'll be my life when I'm a grandma?!
I know I'm thinking way ahead but it's obvious that this is the most likely outcome. I'm only 13 weeks and my anxiety disorder has really flared up and I feel awful. I feel like I need to go back to counselling. Not really directly because of this because it's been building up but this has caused me to ruminate and stress and now my anxiety level is much higher. With my other boys I brisged it off after the scans and was over it really quickly. This time I know how amazing girls are.
This baby wasn't planned. I went to have a termination but couldn't do it. I felt really angry that I'd been forced into a corner because my fiance wanted this baby and I didnt. We we're meant to be getting married but cancelled it and postponed. The placenta is also anterior so the movements won't be like the others and I think I especially need to bond with this one. I'm a mess. A total irrational, horrible human being of a mess.
Sorry for the rant. Feels good to get it off my chest
I know I'm thinking way ahead but it's obvious that this is the most likely outcome. I'm only 13 weeks and my anxiety disorder has really flared up and I feel awful. I feel like I need to go back to counselling. Not really directly because of this because it's been building up but this has caused me to ruminate and stress and now my anxiety level is much higher. With my other boys I brisged it off after the scans and was over it really quickly. This time I know how amazing girls are.
This baby wasn't planned. I went to have a termination but couldn't do it. I felt really angry that I'd been forced into a corner because my fiance wanted this baby and I didnt. We we're meant to be getting married but cancelled it and postponed. The placenta is also anterior so the movements won't be like the others and I think I especially need to bond with this one. I'm a mess. A total irrational, horrible human being of a mess.
Sorry for the rant. Feels good to get it off my chest