I feel horrible

[Samantha675]

Some of you may know the on going saga of Brennan and our sleep issues. Well last night, I had enough of spending 30 minutes or more getting him to sleep. So I put the 4th side back on his crib, put him in it and walked out. He cried for a few minutes, guilt and paranoia that he would somehow get hurt got to me, and I went back in. He was already sat down, and pulling his covers up to him. So tonight, I nursed him, rocked him for a few, then told him it was time to lay down in his bed. Put him in, covers, loved on him a bit and left. He cried for a few minutes, settled and it is now quiet. I know he could have cried and cried and cried, and he is ready to learn to get to sleep on his own, but I do feel guilty for letting him cry before falling asleep. Am I silly?

 

[mommyof3co]

Aww don't feel bad!! I think crying like that at this age is much different than doing "cio/cc" under a year old. He's old enough now he understands when you say it's bedtime, he gets the whole routine thing and he knows you are there but that he needs to sleep.

 

[Samantha675]

Aww don't feel bad!! I think crying like that at this age is much different than doing "cio/cc" under a year old. He's old enough now he understands when you say it's bedtime, he gets the whole routine thing and he knows you are there but that he needs to sleep.

See, the rational part of me knows that, but the mommy side feels sooo bad.

 

[mommyof3co]

I know Hayden does that, I don't get it. We have the same routine every single night, he KNOWS it's bedtime yet everynight he gets out of bed and cries, usually within 1-2min he's back in bed or asleep behind the door BUT some nights he goes on forever and I don't get it, he understands fully. I hate it and I feel horrible that he's crying, we go in and out but he is still crying some on his own. But I have to remember he does know, he is just trying to get to us to get out, he's over 2 now I know he knows...but it's still hard as a mom to listen to it

 

[kirsten1985]

Aww I agree with Beth, it's not the same as doing it to a young baby. Hopefully it will only take a few nights and he will understand better? Must be hard though.

 

[NattieLou]

There's a difference between a few minutes of grizzling before he sorts him himself and real distressed crying. You're his Mum, you know him. You're allowing your little boy to develop the skills of self-settling and self-comforting. That's a precious gift.

 

[saraendepity]

i agree with all the other ladies hun he is old enough and understands now that it is bedtime and it is TOTALLY different with a baby - i totally disagree with CIO/CC etc but this is totally different hun

 

[Faerie]

I agree with the others, it's not like your letting him wail in distress! It must be hard though.

Can I ask a silly question, what is cc? How does it differ from cio?

 

[saraendepity]

controlled crying - its meant to be not as harsh as CIO you let em cry for a certain amount of time then go in n soothe them till they stop crying then leave for a certain amount of time till they lean that crying doesnt work basically - well thats my take on it anyhoo i may be wrong

 

[JayleighAnn]

Tbh I don't see a difference, even with CIO your still meant to check on them?

Don't feel bad hun, he's old enough to know its bedtime xx

 

[mommyof3co]

That's what I feel too...to me it's the exact same thing...then when CIO goes to where you're allowing them to scream for hours on end that's not even CIO but something far worse IMO. All experts that "recommend" CIO also tell you to go and check on them not just let them go for hours so to me it's the same thing as CC..I had never heard of CC until on here, I thought maybe it was the difference in where I lived, here it's always just called CIO

 

[princess_bump]

oh hon, i think us mum's always feel guilty for what ever we do, it sounds like brenn is doing really well. i have to agree it's so different from letting him cio, as he's old enough to understand. xx

 

[ryder]

Dont feel bad! Bren knows you love him and arn't leaving him. But at that age a good routine will eventually eliminate the crying if you keep up. Its hard because toddlers are so much more attached to you and are getting a stronger sense of their feeling and just want to play all day lol.

But eventually if you keep a nice steady routine he will get into it and be comforted because he knows what to expect. Sleeping shouldnt be something they are upset with.

Jasmine has a great routine now and sticks by it quite well.

re: controlled crying, to me it isn't CIO at all. I've always seen it as trying to comfort them in their situation. Example: bedtime... you have a good routine and you put them to bed and they cry, you dont pick them up, but do something to comfort them IN the situation. Once they relax you leave. If they become upset, you go back to them and do it again.

 

[mommyof3co]

Yeah but isn't that also what CIO is Ryder? Granted I don't do it but I've heard quite a bit and read from some different experts that recommend it and they all say to go back in after say 10min and calm them without picking them up out of their bed then leave them again and go back after 10min if they are still crying?

ETA...I'm not debating either thing I'm just honestly asking

 

[Shifter]

As I understand it, cc is exactly the same as cio but hv put a new name to it so they could tell parents to do it without making them feel bad

Sam - don't worry hun, like the others have said he is old enough to understand what is happening and it isn't like you are leaving him for long. I think most parents have left their children to cry for a minute or two sometimes, I know I have, just to see if Jack would settle without me or whether he really needs me. I also think that if you always rush in when they make the slightest noise you can interrupt the going to sleep process. A bit of grizzling before settling is normal and nothing to worry about

 

[Samantha675]

so last night, there was NO crying at all. My DH took him to bed, and he was actually crying for me. My DH asked Brenn if he wanted to rock, and he said 'bed', so my DH put him down, and he stopped crying!!! Holy crap, I can't believe it. Now I just gotta get him to stop crying through the night when he wakes up. I did take him back to his crib twice last night, and he didn't cry either. I am just sooo amazed at this change. I really think he is ready to move into his crib, but I don't know if I am. Im such a wuss.

 

[ryder]

Yeah but isn't that also what CIO is Ryder? Granted I don't do it but I've heard quite a bit and read from some different experts that recommend it and they all say to go back in after say 10min and calm them without picking them up out of their bed then leave them again and go back after 10min if they are still crying?

ETA...I'm not debating either thing I'm just honestly asking

umm NOPE.... from my understanding CIO is just that, letting them CIO with no source of comfort etc. and leaving them to cry.

Wheras cc you try and settle them in other ways then picking them up and nursing or feeding them back to sleep. IE: using a modile, or aquarium, or comforting sounds... or singing, belly rubbing etc. The point of it is to try and make them comfortable and teach that the crib is a safe place.

Of course I guess these types of methods are reserved for the cruel, "un-natural" parents who dont nurse their babies to sleep until they are two.

Sorry for even bothering to reply.

 

[mommyof3co]

Why the attitude? I was just asking???? Why is it you always seem to have to attack me lol. I'm asking because even the experts that recommend using the cry it out method never say leave them there for hours and don't come back...they say leave them for a certain amount of time, go back and comfort them then leave again, repeat until they are asleep...which is exactly what everyone says CC is that's why I was asking...there isn't a difference from what I'm seeing. There is a difference in them both from leaving a child to cry for hours on end, never going to check on them...imo that's abusive. But I was just asking if there was a difference between CC and CIO because it doesn't look like there is

This is a definition I found

The "Cry It Out" (CIO) approach can be traced back to the book "The Care and Feeding of Children" written by Dr. Emmett Holt in 1895.[1] CIO is any sleep-training method which allows a baby to cry for a specified period of time before the parent will offer comfort.

 

[xxxjacxxx]

Yeah but isn't that also what CIO is Ryder? Granted I don't do it but I've heard quite a bit and read from some different experts that recommend it and they all say to go back in after say 10min and calm them without picking them up out of their bed then leave them again and go back after 10min if they are still crying?

ETA...I'm not debating either thing I'm just honestly asking

umm NOPE.... from my understanding CIO is just that, letting them CIO with no source of comfort etc. and leaving them to cry.

Wheras cc you try and settle them in other ways then picking them up and nursing or feeding them back to sleep. IE: using a modile, or aquarium, or comforting sounds... or singing, belly rubbing etc. The point of it is to try and make them comfortable and teach that the crib is a safe place.

Of course I guess these types of methods are reserved for the cruel, "un-natural" parents who dont nurse their babies to sleep until they are two.

Sorry for even bothering to reply.

Mo3 was just asking a question I too have wondered but daren't because of how this subject tends to escalate out of control on here...

 

[Blob]

I started having to do this with Tabs i wont do it to my LOs when they are tiny cos i cant cope with it. But once they are at a certain age to understand bedtime then its just not the same He seemed to get it though which must show you that he did know it all the time