I feel like a crazy person.....

Discussion in 'Trying To Conceive' started by Kaii, Apr 20, 2009.

  1. Kaii

    Kaii New Member

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    Hello ladies, this is my first time posting here. I felt that I needed some support from other women who are going through the same thing...and so here I am :)

    Here is the condensed version of my story....

    I was married for 12 years and this marriage produced 3 beautiful children. We decided our family was complete and I had a tubal ligation 4 years ago.

    Fast forward 4 years and I am now divorced, have 50/50 custody of my children and have been engaged for the past year to a wonderful, caring man.

    Through much discussion, we have both decided that we would like to have a child together. Our house feels empty with my children only being here 50% of the time. I feel like half a mother. I am also hitting my mid thirties and my desire for another child is like something I have never experienced before.

    So, I have gone ahead and had a tubal reversal. It costs us $7000.00 and this is where the CRAZY PERSON was born :muaha:

    I feel like a complete nutjob now.

    I am constantly checking my cervical mucous, analyzing my menstrual cycle and pressuring my poor man for sex the minute I know I am ovulating.

    It has been very stressful. He told me that he feels that I no longer want him, that I just want his sperm. I feel so guilty, almost like I'm "forcing him" to "perform" on cue. I just know that if we don't, that we are losing a valuable opportunity.

    This month has been particularly difficult.

    We have had sex often and have covered all our bases. I am not supposed to see AF for another week but my boobs have been very tender and my hopes for being pregnant are so high. I know in my head that having sore boobs is something that happens to me before every period but I feel so completely desperate this time.

    I feel that we have spent considerable money as well as the physical toll that having a 4 hour abdominal surgery has played on me, that to walk away with no baby would just devastate me. I feel like our hopes were so high.

    Everyone keeps telling me that the stress will make it impossible for me to get pregnant, but I don't know how to stop it. I have already tested twice this week and cried each time. I am so miserable and sad. I feel like all I can think about is wanting this baby so badly.

    I had no trouble getting pregnant before and this is just killing me.

    Can anyone please give me some advice?
     
  2. jules22

    jules22 Preggers :)

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    Oh hun, I'm sorry what you are going through. My husband and I are trying for our first child and right now my husband feels the same way, that I'm just using him. (We get it on like every other day to cover our bases as well.) Somedays I joke with him and say, "all I need is your sperm!!!" haha. We joke about it but hopefully your man understands it is a lot of pressure. Especially since you guys spent all that money. I'm sure he understands deep down. Sometimes you do have to go that extra mile though and make it all worth it. (like a new outfit, doing something sexy) especially since you guys just got engaged! Have fun!

    You are probably like, "I can't chill at all!" haha Me either! I think it is natural though, I think every women secretly freaks out. I check my OPK strips, CM and my temp every day. It is a sucky process, I'm sure you will get through it though. :) Your body just might need some time. If you need someone to talk to, let me know :)
     

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