I feel so alone - am i being harsh?

[Emmea12uk]

I have my ERPC booked for Tuesday but I am paranoid and convinced I wont make it. I am so frightened of it happen spontaneously as I was 9 weeks pregnant.

Last night I have really bad stomach pains. It was strange because it was high up in my tummy and like stabbing. Nevertheless I though "this must it" I woke up OH and he went and got me the pain killers. The pains were getting worse with each contraction. I said to him how weird it was and that maybe something else was wrong and he told me maybe I was imaging it, rolled over and went to sleep.

I was so angry and in agony. Half an hour later he was snoring away and I popped some paracetamel and dihydracodine and laid there feeling so alone and thinking "this was it". He wasnt borthered at all.

When I crawl back into my bed during the day, I just want to have some time to myself and some space but he seems to resent it and winges on. I want to wallow and grieve and be supported by him but he seems to just resent having to look after our son and puppy on his own. He works away and I have to do it when is gone.

I am so alone. I just want a break. Am i being harsh on him?

 

[readytogiveup]

I have my ERPC booked for Tuesday but I am paranoid and convinced I wont make it. I am so frightened of it happen spontaneously as I was 9 weeks pregnant.

Last night I have really bad stomach pains. It was strange because it was high up in my tummy and like stabbing. Nevertheless I though "this must it" I woke up OH and he went and got me the pain killers. The pains were getting worse with each contraction. I said to him how weird it was and that maybe something else was wrong and he told me maybe I was imaging it, rolled over and went to sleep.

I was so angry and in agony. Half an hour later he was snoring away and I popped some paracetamel and dihydracodine and laid there feeling so alone and thinking "this was it". He wasnt borthered at all.

When I crawl back into my bed during the day, I just want to have some time to myself and some space but he seems to resent it and winges on. I want to wallow and grieve and be supported by him but he seems to just resent having to look after our son and puppy on his own. He works away and I have to do it when is gone.

I am so alone. I just want a break. Am i being harsh on him?

no you are not sadly some men dont understand what it is like for us to loose a baby, yes it is happening to him as well but you are the one who had the life growing inside you, thankfully my hubby very understanding cos since the op i have been right grough arse wanting to pull the heads of preg ladies drinking n smoking cos i do neither and still lost mine. i had pain b4 my op just think that it is stress, i was 11wks, had op 31st aug still feel cheated. good luck chick if ever need chat can leave message in box. i do think it helps to talk, bottlin up wud drive you loopy sarah x

 

[SidneyGirl]

I know how you feel I am currently going though my 1st mc naturally, and I feel like DH doesn't care at all. I went though the whole thing on my own...he never even once asked "are you ok?" and this morning before work he says his car needs all this work done, and our cat had to have more tests done that costs us hundreds of dollars now to find nothing wrong with him, and I said "could you just tell me something good for once this week?" and he got all out of gear saying it wasn't his fault and all I did this week was drag myself around...I felt like screaming at him but I didn't I left the kitchen went into our room and just sat there.

 

[croydongirl]

I think our husbands and partners just have a totally different experience of pregnancy than we do. It is hard for them to fully understand the connection we have so soon that builds so quickly with the little ones growing inside of us.
Also, they deal with sadness and loss differently, they are often less comfortable with showing emotions.

I don't think you are being unreasonable to need some space and time. Perhaps try to talk about it when you are not tired and you can try and explain how you feel when he can really listen and hear you.

So sorry for your loss

 

[ncmommy]

So sorry for your loss!

Have you tried talking to him and explaining exactly what you need form him? Sometimes men can be so dense during these times and are unsure of what to do. Hope you are able to get some alone time.

 

[Emmea12uk]

I have spoken to him and he just doesn't get it.

I don't think it helps that he thinks I blame him - I waS always nagging about putting stuff in the stairs and he ignored me until I fell down last week. The baby died around the same time.

 

[ncmommy]

I have spoken to him and he just doesn't get it.

I don't think it helps that he thinks I blame him - I waS always nagging about putting stuff in the stairs and he ignored me until I fell down last week. The baby died around the same time.

I'm so very sorry sweetie! Just know that we are here for you.

 

[misscs]

Sorry for your loss x

They say a woman becomes a mother the moment she is pregnant, whilst men dont become fathers until the baby is born

xx

 

[Mom23monkies]

I had a big fall during my first mc and the doctor told me that there is no way a fall caused a miscarriage
they caution women and all but honestly if the fall had caused it you would have started bleeding almost right away
I am not trying to take his side, I am just letting you know what *I* personaly have delt with
Men handle things differently than we do
When I started bleeding this time Dh had just got home from work (he works midnights)
We had had a big argument the night before
when he got home and I told him I was bleeding he immediatly blamed himself and the argument. I assured him it wasnt the argument that caused the MC
Your husband will deal with it his own way and in his own time, As for you you have to do what you have to do and you will grieve your own way as well.
I personaly sort of use my kids to pull me out of it
Thats my coping technique
Playing with them and stuff puts me in a better mood.
Try some tickle therapy
He will laugh and you cant help but laugh too
God Bless