I feel so guilty writing this

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by NYCBride, Dec 16, 2009.

  1. NYCBride

    NYCBride Well-Known Member

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    Hi Ladies

    My first thread over here on 2nd, so please bear with me....

    I feel really guilty writing this as i've spent the first 8 weeks after finding out about baby really trying to stick to positive thoughts and affirmations to get me through to my 12 week scan after our 1st was a mmc....

    Suffered really badly with morning sickness but is starting to fade as im not vomitting but I constantly feel sick, like theres a lump stuck in my throat....

    Anyway I dont know what I want or need to hear at this point but I am just really struggling to enjoy my pregnancy and its really starting to get me down. I sat on the side of the bath earlier and just cried because I want my baby so much, but this constant feeling is really taking its toll on me emotionally.

    Having felt so rubbish, I've been an utter b*tch to DH, who has really been trying. We havent had any sexual contact sinc we found out about baby, one because ive just felt so rubbish and 2 because for some reason everything about him is just really bugging me.....

    I feel like ive lost most rational thought and i just want to cry. Ive spent all of today in bed, only got up to have dinner and then went straight back to bed again...... I cant do this for another 5 + months!!!

    :cry:
     
  2. MiniKat

    MiniKat Well-Known Member

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    keep your chin up hun! Its a scary thing being pregnant! Plus with all the hormones rushing around! Hopefully things will calm down soon!! :)
     
  3. RainbowDrop_x

    RainbowDrop_x Well-Known Member

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    Don't really know what to say but didn't want to read and run

    I'm a bit of a worrier aswell and this is my first pregnancy so I've never had a MC or MMC and I'm constantly down because I worry about the baby so god only knows how your feeling

    Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and sending you lots of :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: xxx
     
  4. Terrilea

    Terrilea Me,OH & r beautiful Ruby

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    Aww i don't really know what to say apart from i'm sure that this baby and your pregnancy will be fine.
    You're not alone in feeling this way, i don't think i'll ever be even near 100% happy or relaxed in this pregnancy until i have my baby healthy in my arms and i have never had any any kind of heartache such as a mmc, it's so natural for you to feel this way afer going through something like that in your 1st pregnancy. Hope this helps in some way xxxxx
     
  5. Beadette

    Beadette I'm a blummin' Mumma!!!

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    My hormones are playing havoc with my patience! OH is seriously irritating me on a daily basis and through no real fault of his own! - don't feel guilty in that respect x x
     
  6. JessiHD

    JessiHD Mummy to Joshua :)

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    I'm sure it will get better. I found up until 13 weeks I felt hideous, but it gradually got better. I know it won't make anything easier now but you won't have to go through this for 5 months. Hang tough, I'm sure you'll find it gets easier.:hugs:
     
  7. rottiemiss

    rottiemiss mummy to a princess

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    Awww sweetie, it gets better I promise :hugs:!! Pregnancy is a scary time.

    I had a mmc at 16wks last christmas, and I didn't relax this time aound at all until I had my 19wk scan (this was my 5th scan btw) then heard the heartbeat a week later. I also started feeling bubba moving around at 19+3 which was a huge relief. I was a total bitch up until then my hubby was walking on egg shells, but he understood. :hugs:
     
  8. NYCBride

    NYCBride Well-Known Member

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    Thanks all

    just sat here and had another little cry reading all of that back....

    I really do hope and I pray that it starts to ease soon, and Im lucky to have had 3 scans so far, and baby has been doing fine, and got some photos to cling to during really hard moments....
    Its just the physical sensations that are dragging down my emotional state and I just wish my body was being a bit kinder to me.......

    The past pregnancy was hard to deal with but in a way I count myself as lucky. The baby was reabsorbed, had died at 7 weeks but we didnt find out until the 12 week scan. I guess the reason I consider myself lucky as I never had the thought when I was passing the material that I was passing my baby, because of the re-absorption.....
    In a way I actually consider this baby to be that baby, in a spiritual sense, who just wasnt ready for the world just yet, and now he is iyswim
    Ive had a journal/diary type thing which I write to the baby, asking him to stay safe, letting him know how much i love him, and how we cant wait to meet him..... but its getting harder with every day that goes by with me not feeling any better.......
    and i really dont want to face christmas feeling like this!!!!
     
  9. luv2jig

    luv2jig Dr. Mom!

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    I know EXACTLY how you feel. I had a MC at the beginning of september and for some reason I just assume that something is going to happen to this baby, too. I don't reference the baby with my DH very often and I try to change the subject when my Mom starts talking about him/her and gets all excited. It just feels like I'm waiting around waiting for the bottom to fall out again. I spent the first 12 weeks not allowing myself to even imagine having a baby and for the last 2 weeks I've let it seep in a little but I'm still trying to protect myself from the devastation of the MC. I still don't like telling people I'm pregnant because I feel like I'm going to have to tell them later that I'm not anymore. Sorry I don't have any advice but you are definitely not alone.
     
  10. iznil8

    iznil8 Excited new mum!

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    I had a turn like this probably when I was round about the stage you are now, I tried to hide it from my OH coz I wanted this baby more than anything(I wanted to try a long time ago but we waited until we were both ready - by that time I was sooooo broody)
    I found it hard to admit that I was struggling to cope with the one thing that I always wanted, I was ashamed I couldn't do it coz everyone else can - right? wrong!!!everyone struggles at times and its only natural!
    I thought I hated my OH but I think that was easier than admitting that I needed him more than ever, try to tell him how you feel, mine found me curled into a ball sobbing on the bathroom floor so I couldn't hide it anymore.
    It was a turning point, we put so much pressure on ourselves and the sickness wears us down that it all gets too much!
    Trust me the sickness will ease, day by day you will feel more like yourself again maybe not your normal self, but better he he!
     
  11. Bingles

    Bingles Proud mum of one

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    I just wanna say till 12 weeks I totally detatched myself from being preg. I wanted andstill do want this baby more than anything in this world but prob due to a mmc I had years ago I never let myself belive it I was totally narky with my OH when he would make lovingcomments about baby and as for sex forget about it. I does get better I promise I kinda just just thought to myself one day omg your having a baby this is going to happen and was over the moon.

    dont beat yourself up hun its normal xxx
     
  12. lanaross

    lanaross Mom to Bella and Greyson

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    think of your MS that way -- you have so much progesterone that your body can't handle this much, BUT it only means that the bubs is doing very good and your pregnancy is progressing great. Just a little longer to struggle, it will get better we all promise :) Don't worry about a thing :)

    Also are you sure it's MS? About five weeks ago I got a nasty heartburn instead of MS - I am not throwing up, but I feel like I am about to if I eat certain foods (I haven't identified the types of foods - lucky me lol). Try this: chew gum, see if you burp (sorry TMI but should make you feel better), avoid carbonated drinks, try milk, try eating at least three hours before bed, after eating try standing up instead of sitting. See if it helps?? Good luck xxxx
     
  13. booflebump

    booflebump Mummy to Toby

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    Oh hun. Please speak to your midwife. Antenatal depression is a possibility - but you will get through it with proper advice and support x
     
  14. kristen77

    kristen77 Well-Known Member

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    Hi hun,

    Please don't feel guilty.

    It is totally normal how you feel - I had a mmc in April and until about 15 weeks was constantly anxious about everything. And it is so hard feeling that way all the time - you are knackered and emotional anyway because that is what first tri does to you and then with everything else that a previous loss bring with it, it is REALLY hard. I was a right moody witch with my OH and we STILL haven't had sex since getting our BFP - I am just too scared. It isn't at all easy, but I promise that you will start to feel better about things soon.

    Second tri is the best bit of pregnancy (not that I've ever been in third tri...!!) and there is so much exciting stuff coming your way - getting a bump (unless you are one of those lucky ladies who sprouted early, mine didn't arrive till 19 weeks + !), feeling movement, hearing the heartbeat at your MW appts, 20 week scan...the list goes on. Things will improve hun, just keep on plodding on and you will get there.

    Sending massive :hugs:

    Love Kristen xxx
     
  15. NYCBride

    NYCBride Well-Known Member

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    Thanks Lana

    someone else had mentionned to me about heartburn and reflux as opposed to morning sickness and ive tried a few of the home remedies like chewing gum, avoiding mint flavoured things, drinking cold milk...... i think im so caught up with feeling like it i dont notice if anything is helping...... but ive been trying to keep more upright, raising my head while i sleep etc.....

    i really appreciate everyones replies. Ive tried talking to dh about it all but i know its hard for him because hes not experiencing the same things physically, so when im saying I feel really sick, he just thinks i feel a bit iffy, gets me a drink and then leaves me alone.
    I get really funny with him touching me as well so i pull away from hugs, ive been really sensitive to smells so to me his breath smells but not to anyone else which makes me feel like im being a right ogre.....

    there has also been lots of confusion over my scans and dates etc and because we moved last week to the other end of the country, ive not even met a midwife or had any bloods done yet, just my 12 week scan. perhaps when things like that are done, i'll feel a bit more like its real.... and pyschologically that will help me with the physical?
     
  16. Lara310809

    Lara310809 Mum of 3 girls

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    I felt like that until I was about 17 weeks; it really does get better. The first tri is such a hard time physically and emotionally, and especially since you've been through a MMC as well as everything else.

    But now you're in the second tri, the odds are really with you. The chances of anything happening to your baby are so small; you're pretty much guaranteed to carry this little bundle of joy to term.

    The chances are stacked in your favour, all you have to do is believe that it will happen for you. I appreciate it's very hard. I haven't been in your situation, so I don't know how hard, but I know you must be having a hard time.

    And you know what? I was sick as a dog, but he always said I was exaggerating things, because we work different shifts, and he would only hear me telling him about it. It took me being signed off work for a week for him to see how sick I really was, because then I was at home when he was, and he realised how much time I was spending over the toilet bowl. Sometimes men don't realise the toll it takes on your body, but it's only because they haven't been through it before.

    And as for DH irritating you; I have lost count of the things that annoy me about my husband. Every little thing he does grates on me; but try to remember the good things, and you will find that you can appreciate him. Pregnancy is hard on the dads too, and after a MMC, he must be stressed just hoping this pregnancy works out. Remember to set time aside to talk to him and to take in the good times of the pregnancy. Everyone tells me it's over in a flash. I'm already half way through, and how the time has flown by. It really is unbelievable.

    Take care hon; you can always talk to us here :hugs:
     
  17. Beltane

    Beltane Mother of 3 Boys!

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    You will get through it- I promise it gets better. The 2nd tri is just magical in my opinion. Just take it one day at a time. :hugs:
     
  18. Las78

    Las78 Mum to 3 beautiful girls

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    Hun, I know how you feel, I had awful sickness as every night and felt like total rubbish -I would be in bed by 8pm latest and felt truly fed up with it all. OH and I haven't had sex for weeks and weeks as I mc too and am terrified I'll bleed if we do. Everything he does annoys the hell out of me, so far this week we didn't speak for 3 days because I blow everything way out of proportion.

    It will get better hun, in the meantime how about trying the travel sick bands or Ginger biscuits (they helped me), only eating little and often (I can't do that, it's as much as possible as often as possible lol), lots of water, mint tea (check this out first as I'm not sure if you can drink it in pregnancy as I haven't tried it).
     
  19. MsLynn225

    MsLynn225 Twin Angels*06.12.07*

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    Awee sweety<3
    I feel your pain, and I am not even that far along... I just found out that I am prego today and I cannot even believe it that it's true!!
    i have already been acting up on the B*tchy mood to the DH and he's done nothing to me... but at times yes he does say things to hurt me only because he probably didn't think I was prego as well... til today..

    Pheeww...
    Congrats again Hunnie<3
     
  20. NYCBride

    NYCBride Well-Known Member

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    congratulations MsLyn.... hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy xx
     

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