I feel so guilty!

[Buddysmum89]

Okay!, i know this makes me a bad person but oh..what the hell! Myself and my OH have agreed to TTC #2 this month and what fills so many people with a good buzz of feelings, me im absolutely terrified!! I never thought id get gender disappointment or any sort of swaying for a particular gender! With our son who is now 4, we both wanted a boy! I always told him id express my dislike if it was a girl, but we we're blessed when our sonographer told us we have a boy!

But now my feelings have completely taken a 360 turn! For number 2 i really would love a girl! Its that bad ive been looking online for anyways i can help sway it, the shettles method, everything from diet and eating citrus fruits to change the PH of the vagina to alkaline so it supports the female sperm and kills the male sperm! to sex positions! and even timing..But whats really scaring me as that nothings guarenteed! I wish there was just some way you can choose your gender, but you cant without thousands of dollars/great british pounds or even the laws against it!

And whats really putting the pressure on is now my OH has now said he would like a daughter too!, im so scared incase we fall and we end up with a boy, its like id be so disappointed and upset as we both agreed 2 kids would be our absolute limit as our finances wouldn't stretch to 3!!..

Im so fearful of everything at the moment, im just hoping and praying that we get lucky like we did the first time!..

 

[Amygdala]

I understand you wanting a girl. But honestly, if you're that anxious about having a boy, maybe it'd be a good idea to wait another few months and see if you can work through those feelings first. Ask yourself, if you couldn't ever have a girl, would you rather have a boy or no baby. I wouldn't try again unless you can confidently say you'd prefer another boy over no baby, otherwise you're just setting yourself up for all sorts of anxieties and possible bonding issues if you do get another boy. Much better to work through this before you actually get pregnant I think.

 

[Jessicahide]

I agree with pp, its probably not the right time for you to ttc if you are already feeling this way.

 

[donnarobinson]

I agree my last baby I desperately wanted a girl after two boys but I didn't get those feelings until pregnant turns out he was a boy so I now have three boys I was upset and cried. A lot but it soon passed and he's the light of my life .
X

 

[maryanne1987]

Totally agree with the other ladies on holding off ttc until you have made peace with your feelings. Think you have to decide if you want another child, or just a daughter. Gd is a thing to deal with while pregnant so if you can avoid that I definitely would.

 

[Buddysmum89]

Thanks guys, its not that id be gutted with another boy!, id be a bit upset for a while with it being our last child and what not, but i wouldn't be completely closed to the idea! It might take me a while to get used to the fact i won't ever have a daughter but id still be happy with a baby none the less

I do feel a bit daft saying that id want a daughter and nothing else, but i really do want another baby as my only child is now 4, and after suffering 3 losses..A healthy baby would be fine!

I guess its just the added pressure from OH, who says he really wants a daughter now he has a son..Guess im just feeling the pressure to produce a girl baby!

 

[Jessicahide]

Thanks guys, its not that id be gutted with another boy!, id be a bit upset for a while with it being our last child and what not, but i wouldn't be completely closed to the idea! It might take me a while to get used to the fact i won't ever have a daughter but id still be happy with a baby none the less

I do feel a bit daft saying that id want a daughter and nothing else, but i really do want another baby as my only child is now 4, and after suffering 3 losses..A healthy baby would be fine!

I guess its just the added pressure from OH, who says he really wants a daughter now he has a son..Guess im just feeling the pressure to produce a girl baby!

I think sometimes people get Gd when their partner wants only 1 or 2 children, and it adds a pressure to achieve the nuclear family. I think you should discuss with dh that as you would both like a daughter, perhaps two is not really the number for you and three would be the goal, i know you stated your finances only stretch to two, but to be honest the first child is a lot more expensive than the ones that follow, as you are not purchasing every toy and gimmick going....

 

[maryanne1987]

I totally agree with Jessica. When you have that limit set at two before you even conceive number two it puts the pressure on to have the opposite gender. Maybe rather than saying we only want two, just leave your options open. It takes that pressure away. I experienced the same pressure while trying for dd. As we had a son and lost a daughter everyone kept on about baby being a girl. I can honestly say it didn't bother me though as the thought of giving my son a playmate and bff was just as lovely as a little princess. Don't be afraid to tell your DH to stop putting pressure on you about having a girl. At the end of the day it's him that decides babies gender so really there's no pressure on you at all. He probably has no idea that his comments are stressing you out.

 

[Rhio92]

I felt the same, but I didn't get the feelings until I fell pregnant! OH and I wanted a girl so so so much, we were both so scared before we had our scan at 16 weeks.

To try and help, we spent loads of time looking at boys clothes and we decided on a boys name that we loved. During the scan I was sure i saw boy parts and i felt that it would be okay to have another boy.

Good luck!

Ps, I used to live 5 mins down the road from you! In Kirkby!