i hate men...

[maddiwatts19]

My OH is so loving and caring and has been so amazing through the miscarriage and has been there for me and helped and supported me through it. He came over last night to check i was ok after the check up.
I told him that everything was fine, and we could start trying again in three months.
He went out got food and brought me some flowers, and cooked a lovely dinner. It was really sweet of him, and really romantic.
Then later, we were lying in bed watching a film and he turned to me and said that he thinks we should wait before we have kids. Because he thinks i should finish uni and get my degree so we have more money. I completely understand about money, but we were ready to cope before.
He has been different lately, and i put it all down to the miscarriage.
When i first told him i was pregnant again, he wanted me to get rid of it. Then i managed to 'talk him round' apparantly. I know he wanted the baby, and i know that he was just scared. I was scared too!.
But this has just really upset me!!. When i lost the baby, he said that once i've recovered, we'll try again.And now he's changed his mind.
Its not that hes a horrible person, because he's really not!! He's amazing. And i know he'll be a fantastic dad.
Hopefully he just needs time to get his head around it...
Im just so confused and upset!!

Sorry to rant YET AGAIN!!

 

[coccyx]

Know its tough but at least he is being honest with you.Hard when they don't agree with us, best he says so now.

 

[maddiwatts19]

Thanks hun!
I know but its just hard. He was so happy and enthusiastic about us trying again, but now he's just changed his mind. its just so annoying and confusing...
xx

 

[Mynxie]

maybe he's scared of going through it all again?

 

[**angel**]

aww hun as above maybe he is just scared of it all again and seeing u in that much heart ache~?? xxxx

 

[polo_princess]

Oh dear

At least whatever he is thinking is out in the open instead of him bottling it up. It would of only caused a rift between the two of you.

He doesnt sound like an A## at all hun, infact he sounds lovely.

If i were you id let it drop for a little while, let him get his head around things too then maybe bring it up again and see what he says

Hope it all works out ok for you though!!

 

[maddiwatts19]

Thanks guys!.
Yeah, i'm so happy he told me, because it would be so much worse if he told me in three months, or even worse, when i foud out i was pregnant...
It just hurts...

He's not an ass at all!! He really is the most amazing man i've ever met..thats what makes it worse!...

 

[**angel**]

aww hun by looking at the above tickers its not too long but i know how it will seem like a life time, u sound very strong and very inlove whcih will make it better xxx

 

[Sinead]

Try not to worry, he could be hurting as much as you and you both need time to get over your loss. it could just be his way of dealing with things.

 

[Iwantone!!!]

aaawww huni maybe hes scared for u and he has seen u go through the pain and heartache of the m/c xxx

 

[leeanne]

I hope he comes around. It could very well be a hard time for him too!

 

[Tilly]

It's probably just because he is very upset about it and doesn't want to go through those emotions again (or want you to go through it again). My advice would be to agree with him for now, and see how you both feel in a couple of months - you never know what his opinion will be after he has had some time to cope with things.

I hope it works out for you both.

 

[maddiwatts19]

I've totally realised when reading this back, that i sound completely selfish!!!
I know that my OH is having a horrible time getting over what happened. I'm not saying that he doesnt deserve to be upset. And your probaby right that he's just scared.
I guess its just because i was so happy to finally get some good news and i know we both want a baby so badly. I guess i was just shocked is all!!.
Golly i sound like such a horrible person!!!

 

[Tilly]

You don't sound like a horrible person at all. You are both going through a hard time im sure and just need a little time.

 

[honeybunch2k7]

You didn't sound horrible at all.

 

[Alchemist]

That sucks but we women tend to get very emotional and the man tends to get logical. There is a middle ground and it does take maturity to get there from both sides. I know from my experience we started defending our own needs so much we forgot we were on the same side.

At ttimes like this its also good to get lateral. for example you could say, i hear your views so maybe we should not actively 'try' as in charting and all the stuff but see what happens.

Unfortunately my DH has been dilligent about preventing until we were in a better state in our relationship so there was no likely oopsies but I do see his views more clearly now that we are heading towards trying. I cant imagine trying with him so against it. That sounds awful and not being on the same team at all. I have given him the time he needs but I also said that deciding on a date was not negotiable and he has to stick to it. I am 32 so this isnt about finances or anything. you can get to a win win situation but it takes talking and a bit of negotiation

good luck

 

[polo_princess]

Aww your not horrible hun, just men deal with things in diff ways to us women!!

Im sure if he had a forum where he could come and have a little rant to his male friends, he wouldd hun

 

[**angel**]

you do not in no way sound horrible hun and dnot let urself think that u are its a ig thing esp after a m/c to be told they want to wait wen u so desperatly want to try again xxxxxxxx

 

[carmen]

I also agree with the girls.... You do not sound like a bad person at all. We are emotional as women and when a miscarriage happens some of us... just want to get on with trying again.... cos we dont want to be thinking about what we lost, we want to have a little baby.

So when someone says no it turns the hormones that are already in overdrive,further into overddrive.

If you and your oh are on the same level i m sure that you'll come to some agreement and have a new goal to work forward to.

Like you sai in a post before, hes been there for you and been sweet. But he may also need a little time.

Good Luck

 

[justme00]

Someone once told me if you wait until you can afford kids to have them, then you never will. It sounds like there is a deeper issue with him. Maybe he doesnt like seeing the loss hurt you so much? I hope he comes around.