I hate this... working mommy guilt at its best

[michmash]

I have a wonderful 2 year old son and I'm a full time working mummy. I work 40 hours a week. I spent a year on parental leave (unpaid) and went back to work after that. I feel awful I feel like I don't have much time to spend with him and I miss him like hell when I'm at work. I wish I could stay at home with him, being a mummy and a good housewife but our finances just won't permit. heh I know it's more of a rant than a question but I honestly feel hopeless..

Any working mummies out there in my same situation? how do you cope?

 

[LDC]

Sorry to hear that, I'm not in your situation yet as I have about a month maternity left but I had two jobs to consider going back to; one part time and one full time. My guilt levels were really high too, but I took the full time job and ill be working 37.5 hours a week.

I completely know what you mean about the guilt and for me it was worrying that she will forget me, that ill miss things and generally that ill just regret my decisions. I could afford to go part time but money would be really tight and the full time job was a promotion.

It took me a long time to work out what I was going to do but I'm really happy with my decision to take the full time job; I was brought up in child care as my parents worked full time and I really believe that my strong work ethic comes from them. My mum proved to me that she could work full time, and she did shift work, and still be an awesome mum.

Personally, the money will also mean that I can afford to take lo out and on holidays etc which will be quality time and I think it's just that, quality not quantity.

In a selfish way, I also thought at some point lo is going to go to school (regardless of whether we had anymore children as at some point they'd all be at school) and I couldn't justify staying at home when they were at school. Being off for long periods of time doesn't bode well for finding employment in today's climate either so I added that to my reasons for the positive view.

Xx

 

[Pearls18]

I cope because I love my job. I have a very fulfilling career and we have a much better quality of life on a double income, it means we can do more together on the weekends that we do have together. DS thrives in nursery and I genuinely believe he develops better there than he would with me. All in all I think we all do better with this arrangement, I used to feel guilty like it was "unnatural" like I'm supposed to feel guilty, but why feel guilty when we're all so happy and have good quality lives and stable relationships. So I don't obsess about it anymore.

 

[butterflycake]

Yup its tough - I have worked full time since LO was 6 months - I'm okay with that till works takes me away and then I hate it. However.... I think its tougher on us then our LO's - and there are actually some positives too - there's a saying that it takes a village to raise a child and having a child looked after by an extra care giver (or too) - does actually teach them that people are caring by nature and the world is a safe place - and they copy what they learn right? I also think working sets a good example - and the financial benefits as a previous poster said make family time fab as you can do what you like! mother and baby bond never suffers when mum has to work - if anything it strengthened the bond with me and my son as I cherish every single second and have HUGE patience as I don't see him every second of the day xxxxx be proud you're providing for your son and try not to worry xxx

 

[seoj]

I think every working Mom struggles (to a point) with that guilt- shoot, I think every MOM struggles with that at times! For me, I wouldn't say I feel guilty (as we need my income so I'm doing what I have to do regardless- and I have a good job), I just miss LO- but I know she's in great hands when I'm at work (with MIL) and I appreciate every moment we do have together- maybe even just a bit more because I don't see her most of the work day.

I do wish there was a way for ALL Mom's to do whatever they wanted to do- whether that was working or not... I think, no matter what, I'd always want a job. But personally, if I could just work part time- that would be my ideal. Not just for time with LO though- but for time in general! My day is SO full- from the time I get up to the time I go to bed... it's certainly a rythm I've had to find in time- and I do feel I have a great handle on things (considering all I have going on)-- but more time in my day would be nice

Big hugs

 

[Rags]

It's rotten isn't it. I'd love to be a sahm but I'm single so have no one else bringing money in. I was in a full time job but decided not to go back to that as it meant a 4 hour commute each day. I work freelance now and try to do a mixture of full time and part time contracts through the year. I've just finished a full time one that was really hard on me and my DS as it involved several 55 to 60 hour weeks and commuting. My family and friend who share ds care were fantastic and would bring him to me at lunch times somethimes so that I was at least seeing him awake! He is 3 now and we can at least sit and talk about what I'm doing and why I'm doing it - although he told my mum the other day that I was working so that I could buy us a wood burning stove!! Lol.

 

[Faith1025]

I feel your pain! I had to go back to work when LO was 7 weeks old. I missed the first time she crawled.

 

[amanda111308]

Today was my little boys first day at daycare and I am sitting in my car outside bawling... But I think it could be due to my pregnancy symptoms coming up. Lol just found out we are expecting number 2 lol so this situation of babes being in daycare is already classified as temporary but right n or I need to get through the next 8 months or less and be as positive as I can. He was so happy with the other children this morning and genuinely excited to be there. I just hope I can get through these next few weeks as seamlessly as possible

 

[Rags]

Today was my little boys first day at daycare and I am sitting in my car outside bawling... But I think it could be due to my pregnancy symptoms coming up. Lol just found out we are expecting number 2 lol so this situation of babes being in daycare is already classified as temporary but right n or I need to get through the next 8 months or less and be as positive as I can. He was so happy with the other children this morning and genuinely excited to be there. I just hope I can get through these next few weeks as seamlessly as possible

Oh honey, what a rotten day but what brilliant news. Your son will have such a good time in day care that I bet you end up feeling guilty about not sending him when the new baby comes along! My ds was due to start nursery last week but I decided not to send him until next year, it's all passed so quickly and I feel as though he's racing towards school even though he won't start till 2015.
I hope the 8 months till your maternity leave go quickly for you.

 

[ellismum]

I cope because I love my job. I have a very fulfilling career and we have a much better quality of life on a double income, it means we can do more together on the weekends that we do have together. DS thrives in nursery and I genuinely believe he develops better there than he would with me. All in all I think we all do better with this arrangement, I used to feel guilty like it was "unnatural" like I'm supposed to feel guilty, but why feel guilty when we're all so happy and have good quality lives and stable relationships. So I don't obsess about it anymore.

Completely agree with this, in fact after 3 years of part time work I'm going full time next week and the extra money is going to be brilliant! We can finally afford a proper 2 week holiday abroad, more trips out and enjoy time quality time together. I work 9-5 its only a 30 min walk home so still get evenings with Ellis although OH leaves for work at 6.30pm.

 

[ClaireLouise]

Totally feel all you ladies!

Me and OH work Mon-Fri (9:00 – 5:30)

This bank holiday I just wanted to spend the long weekend with my LO and OH, sitting in our pjs, watching films, go for a walk, make some cakes – you know, family time. Not having to worry about anything and just relax. It was lovely to not be running around like a headless chicken for a change!

Then MIL was moaning this morning because “he needs to get his hair cut” and “iv had all weekend to go do it”. What the hell?! For once I have taken my day-today life off a schedule and just thoroughly enjoyed having the weekend and my son to myself.

Please don’t let these feelings take over though, we are all doing what is best for our families.

The time I spend with LO is thoroughly more joyous for me in the way that we reconnect after spending those hours I spend at work, apart.

If I had a choice, I would still work, but on part time basis……………….and it would be as masseuse for Julian Casablancas, Chris Hemsworth and Ben Barnes Oh, and that guy off the Listerine advert – you can only see his mouth but phwrooaar.

 

[Hoping4lil1]

Today I had to drop my baby girl off at daycare for the first time. Luckily she is with my aunt who runs a home daycare. I know she is in great hands, but they aren't my hands. It took every ounce of me not to cry this morning as I handed her off. I had to pull it together because about 20 minutes later I would be standing in front of a classroom full of teenagers. Imagine how silly and weak I would look if I had been crying right before class!

I would like to work part time but it's not easy to find part time teaching jobs. It's best to go back to work, but I feel the guilt all the time. It's like a constant cloud hanging over my head.

Uhg, I feel like this mommy guilt thing really doesn't ever go away. Right?

 

[myra]

Hoping4lil1- how is it going now a few weeks later? I'm also a teacher and returning back to work in 3 1/2 weeks. I don't know how to do it without bawling either and not a great first impression to make on teens, especially when I am coming back to months into the school year!