I have no right to be upset

[Bkrispy]

I feel that way lately. Guilty that I even care about it. I was married in 2006, my husband and I tried for a couple months prior, and shortly after the wedding found out we were pregnant.
Long story short... 2 ectopics later I can't ever get pregnant. I have a son from a relationship as a teenager. He does not know his father, only my (now ex) husband.
We were married until early this year. It's been a roller coaster.
We didn't talk about treatment at first. I was upset over the ones I lost, and I knew we could afford it.
Then when we did talk about it, he told me I needed to raise that money, and before he was too old (30).
So I did.
I was away from home for a while, and he had used the entire (17,000) savings and developed a drug habit when I got home. He spent a little while in prison, but I was not ready to give up. Leaving him meant no change again. EVER.
He got out of prison, and changed his terms. Now he'd help me, AND I could take as long as I needed.
Well we were only together a year after that. He intentially took anything I tried to save. He cheated, and he lied. I finally kicked him out. Divorce was quick. He's gone.
And that's that. I have been seeing a great man. He has two kids of his own. He mentioned before that two was all he wanted. I understand- it's not like I can have more anyway. They are lovely children, but they aren't mine. I need to accept that I'll never have another child. I have one, he's wonderful. He's a perfect example of the perfect kid. Ever year he ages breaks my heart.
I always wanted one on purpose though, a child born from love from both parents. A baby bump that daddy would get excited to feel a kick from. The joy of seeing daddy hold his baby for the first time, and not having to stress about every.single.little.thing as a scared single teenage mom.
But I have no more right to care.
After all, I have a child.
I have no husband.
I have to move on. But I still want to cry every day.

 

[NessFrench]

so sorry hugs!

 

[Braven05]

Hugs sent to you. It's okay to be sad.

 

[Plex]

oh hun uve been through SO much u have EVERY RIGHT to feel the way you do

Thinking of you and sending u lots of xx

 

[dreamingbyday]

Make sure you tell this new guy EXACTLY how you feel. It is not wrong to want those things you mentioned. Just because you have one child doesn't preclude you from wanting another one. Maybe he just meant that he only used to picture himself with two kids but is tentatively open to the idea of more. I hope that's what he meant, for your sake especially considering all the horrible stuff that other man put you through. *hugs*

 

[Nikki of NZ]

Bkrispy reading this broke my heart, I am sorry for all the struggles you have been through but in saying that you are an idol of how strong a woman can be (although you may not feel it sometimes)
Our fertility battle seems similar as I too have a son from a teen relationship and have been trying for #2 for just over 8years now. I'm lucky that my husband has stood by me so far but this IVF journey has tested a lot of our relationship limits lately and the general communication between us is at an all time low. I just want you to know you are not alone and I am sending you the best of luck with everything xx

 

[Bkrispy]

Our fertility battle seems similar as I too have a son from a teen relationship and have been trying for #2 for just over 8years now. I'm lucky that my husband has stood by me so far but this IVF journey has tested a lot of our relationship limits lately and the general communication between us is at an all time low. I just want you to know you are not alone and I am sending you the best of luck with everything xx

Thank you. It's been a while since I posted this, but of course all stands true.
It does seem similar. I wish I had married someone who would stand by my side though, however, I did choose him, I was naive in doing so, and I had no way of knowing he'd be such an a**hole. However, it WAS my choice.
Maybe someday I'll have another chance. I just won't get my hopes up.

 

[Bkrispy]

Make sure you tell this new guy EXACTLY how you feel. It is not wrong to want those things you mentioned. Just because you have one child doesn't preclude you from wanting another one. Maybe he just meant that he only used to picture himself with two kids but is tentatively open to the idea of more. I hope that's what he meant, for your sake especially considering all the horrible stuff that other man put you through. *hugs*

I will do that, in time. It doesn't feel right yet though, normal people do not start talking about future babys so soon- that's rushing things. So far though, I can see him being the kind of man who would be willing to walk of the edge of the earth for me. Of course I'd never ask that- but IVF is close. So I have to be sure

 

[cstull1217]

Make sure you tell this new guy EXACTLY how you feel. It is not wrong to want those things you mentioned. Just because you have one child doesn't preclude you from wanting another one. Maybe he just meant that he only used to picture himself with two kids but is tentatively open to the idea of more. I hope that's what he meant, for your sake especially considering all the horrible stuff that other man put you through. *hugs*

I will do that, in time. It doesn't feel right yet though, normal people do not start talking about future babys so soon- that's rushing things. So far though, I can see him being the kind of man who would be willing to walk of the edge of the earth for me. Of course I'd never ask that- but IVF is close. So I have to be sure

I don't think it's rushing. you know where you stand with things and especially if both of you have kids it's something that needs to Discussed. When I met dh I didn't even know I had fertility problems (ds was done in 6 months second pregnancy was month) but we discussed the idea of having more kids and the what ifs fairly quickly and I think it helped to know where we both stood on the ideas before we got into a C omitted relationship .