I just feel so so sad :(

[CharCharxxx]

The title says it all really. Due to my ongoing battle with severe anxiety and OCD I've not enjoyed one minute of this pregnancy. Its my 4th baby and final as my OH is getting a vasectomy in the summer. I've suffered with these issues on and off for around 9 years but i am now paying to see a private therapist who i started seeing just before i got pregnant. I just feel guilty on this baby as my others i was excited for but this time round the anxiety has such a grip on me I'm finding it impossible to enjoy anything. I know the hormones are making it much worse. Pregnancy is such a blessing and i love my kids more than anything but i feel like im being robbed of something that's so beautiful. I intend to go back on meds once the baby is here while continuing my therapy. All I'm doing is counting down the weeks so i can go back on my tablets!
Sorry for long post i just had to get my feelings written down somewhere

 

[Lil_Gem_1989]

I am feeling the same. Im having more low days than good days at the minute.
Ive had to come off my antidepressants but after speaking to the consultant at my local hospital yesterday he has told me to book in with my gp to get back on them.
My blood pressure is high so maybe thats why, im sure my anger and constant irritability and worrying isnt good for baby xx

 

[CharCharxxx]

I am feeling the same. Im having more low days than good days at the minute.
Ive had to come off my antidepressants but after speaking to the consultant at my local hospital yesterday he has told me to book in with my gp to get back on them.
My blood pressure is high so maybe thats why, im sure my anger and constant irritability and worrying isnt good for baby xx

Oh no sorry you're going through this aswel. It seems so unfair that we even get this sort of thing. I'm constantly having to take myself out the room so i don't havr a go
At my kids. I've constantly got this amazingly happy front on for them so they don't pick up on it.. Its almost like a form of imprisonment. I wish my happy front wasn't a front x

 

[Lil_Gem_1989]

I am feeling the same. Im having more low days than good days at the minute.
Ive had to come off my antidepressants but after speaking to the consultant at my local hospital yesterday he has told me to book in with my gp to get back on them.
My blood pressure is high so maybe thats why, im sure my anger and constant irritability and worrying isnt good for baby xx

Oh no sorry you're going through this aswel. It seems so unfair that we even get this sort of thing. I'm constantly having to take myself out the room so i don't havr a go
At my kids. I've constantly got this amazingly happy front on for them so they don't pick up on it.. Its almost like a form of imprisonment. I wish my happy front wasn't a front x

Yes its awful isnt it i find my oh bares the brunt of it, poor thing lol.
Good job hes the supportive type.
Have you spoken to anyone about how youre feeling? (Eg doctor etc)
X

 

[CharCharxxx]

I am feeling the same. Im having more low days than good days at the minute.
Ive had to come off my antidepressants but after speaking to the consultant at my local hospital yesterday he has told me to book in with my gp to get back on them.
My blood pressure is high so maybe thats why, im sure my anger and constant irritability and worrying isnt good for baby xx

Oh no sorry you're going through this aswel. It seems so unfair that we even get this sort of thing. I'm constantly having to take myself out the room so i don't havr a go
At my kids. I've constantly got this amazingly happy front on for them so they don't pick up on it.. Its almost like a form of imprisonment. I wish my happy front wasn't a front x

Yes its awful isnt it i find my oh bares the brunt of it, poor thing lol.
Good job hes the supportive type.
Have you spoken to anyone about how youre feeling? (Eg doctor etc)
X

Haha yes my OH definitely has to put up with a lot but he's quite clued up on it all now so he knows alot of it isn't really me talking. Yes i have loads of times but they all just recommend CBT and mindfulness. I've been on a few courses over the years but they didn't make much difference hence why ive gone privately. I've had a few hypnotherapy sessions which definitely help . What meds are you planning on going on? Xx

 

[Lil_Gem_1989]

I am feeling the same. Im having more low days than good days at the minute.
Ive had to come off my antidepressants but after speaking to the consultant at my local hospital yesterday he has told me to book in with my gp to get back on them.
My blood pressure is high so maybe thats why, im sure my anger and constant irritability and worrying isnt good for baby xx

Oh no sorry you're going through this aswel. It seems so unfair that we even get this sort of thing. I'm constantly having to take myself out the room so i don't havr a go
At my kids. I've constantly got this amazingly happy front on for them so they don't pick up on it.. Its almost like a form of imprisonment. I wish my happy front wasn't a front x

Yes its awful isnt it i find my oh bares the brunt of it, poor thing lol.
Good job hes the supportive type.
Have you spoken to anyone about how youre feeling? (Eg doctor etc)
X

Haha yes my OH definitely has to put up with a lot but he's quite clued up on it all now so he knows alot of it isn't really me talking. Yes i have loads of times but they all just recommend CBT and mindfulness. I've been on a few courses over the years but they didn't make much difference hence why ive gone privately. I've had a few hypnotherapy sessions which definitely help . What meds are you planning on going on? Xx

Oooh hypnotherapy sounds good, not tried that. Does it just make you more calm?
Well i was on citalopram 10mg in my last pregnancy so they may put me back on that, im not sure.
I was on venlafaxine before i got pregnant this time which was perfectly for me but i think its not as safe in pregnancy as some of the others? X

 

[CharCharxxx]

I am feeling the same. Im having more low days than good days at the minute.
Ive had to come off my antidepressants but after speaking to the consultant at my local hospital yesterday he has told me to book in with my gp to get back on them.
My blood pressure is high so maybe thats why, im sure my anger and constant irritability and worrying isnt good for baby xx

Oh no sorry you're going through this aswel. It seems so unfair that we even get this sort of thing. I'm constantly having to take myself out the room so i don't havr a go
At my kids. I've constantly got this amazingly happy front on for them so they don't pick up on it.. Its almost like a form of imprisonment. I wish my happy front wasn't a front x

Yes its awful isnt it i find my oh bares the brunt of it, poor thing lol.
Good job hes the supportive type.
Have you spoken to anyone about how youre feeling? (Eg doctor etc)
X

Haha yes my OH definitely has to put up with a lot but he's quite clued up on it all now so he knows alot of it isn't really me talking. Yes i have loads of times but they all just recommend CBT and mindfulness. I've been on a few courses over the years but they didn't make much difference hence why ive gone privately. I've had a few hypnotherapy sessions which definitely help . What meds are you planning on going on? Xx

Oooh hypnotherapy sounds good, not tried that. Does it just make you more calm?
Well i was on citalopram 10mg in my last pregnancy so they may put me back on that, im not sure.
I was on venlafaxine before i got pregnant this time which was perfectly for me but i think its not as safe in pregnancy as some of the others? X

It definitely calms you having hypnosis but after a while its supposed to almost rewire your brain. I can really feel a difference the day after so it does something! I was on citalopram when i first started suffering with the anxiety but then switched to sertraline which ive been taking on and off over the years. I came off it before i got pregnant but I'm definitley going to need to go back on it once ive had the baby but I'll have to take the minimal dose as I'll be breast feeding xx

 

[Lil_Gem_1989]

I am feeling the same. Im having more low days than good days at the minute.
Ive had to come off my antidepressants but after speaking to the consultant at my local hospital yesterday he has told me to book in with my gp to get back on them.
My blood pressure is high so maybe thats why, im sure my anger and constant irritability and worrying isnt good for baby xx

Oh no sorry you're going through this aswel. It seems so unfair that we even get this sort of thing. I'm constantly having to take myself out the room so i don't havr a go
At my kids. I've constantly got this amazingly happy front on for them so they don't pick up on it.. Its almost like a form of imprisonment. I wish my happy front wasn't a front x

Yes its awful isnt it i find my oh bares the brunt of it, poor thing lol.
Good job hes the supportive type.
Have you spoken to anyone about how youre feeling? (Eg doctor etc)
X

Haha yes my OH definitely has to put up with a lot but he's quite clued up on it all now so he knows alot of it isn't really me talking. Yes i have loads of times but they all just recommend CBT and mindfulness. I've been on a few courses over the years but they didn't make much difference hence why ive gone privately. I've had a few hypnotherapy sessions which definitely help . What meds are you planning on going on? Xx

Oooh hypnotherapy sounds good, not tried that. Does it just make you more calm?
Well i was on citalopram 10mg in my last pregnancy so they may put me back on that, im not sure.
I was on venlafaxine before i got pregnant this time which was perfectly for me but i think its not as safe in pregnancy as some of the others? X

It definitely calms you having hypnosis but after a while its supposed to almost rewire your brain. I can really feel a difference the day after so it does something! I was on citalopram when i first started suffering with the anxiety but then switched to sertraline which ive been taking on and off over the years. I came off it before i got pregnant but I'm definitley going to need to go back on it once ive had the baby but I'll have to take the minimal dose as I'll be breast feeding xx

Yeh i was thinking can you still breastfeed if youre taking antidepressants xx

 

[CharCharxxx]

I am feeling the same. Im having more low days than good days at the minute.
Ive had to come off my antidepressants but after speaking to the consultant at my local hospital yesterday he has told me to book in with my gp to get back on them.
My blood pressure is high so maybe thats why, im sure my anger and constant irritability and worrying isnt good for baby xx

Oh no sorry you're going through this aswel. It seems so unfair that we even get this sort of thing. I'm constantly having to take myself out the room so i don't havr a go
At my kids. I've constantly got this amazingly happy front on for them so they don't pick up on it.. Its almost like a form of imprisonment. I wish my happy front wasn't a front x

Yes its awful isnt it i find my oh bares the brunt of it, poor thing lol.
Good job hes the supportive type.
Have you spoken to anyone about how youre feeling? (Eg doctor etc)
X

Haha yes my OH definitely has to put up with a lot but he's quite clued up on it all now so he knows alot of it isn't really me talking. Yes i have loads of times but they all just recommend CBT and mindfulness. I've been on a few courses over the years but they didn't make much difference hence why ive gone privately. I've had a few hypnotherapy sessions which definitely help . What meds are you planning on going on? Xx

Oooh hypnotherapy sounds good, not tried that. Does it just make you more calm?
Well i was on citalopram 10mg in my last pregnancy so they may put me back on that, im not sure.
I was on venlafaxine before i got pregnant this time which was perfectly for me but i think its not as safe in pregnancy as some of the others? X

It definitely calms you having hypnosis but after a while its supposed to almost rewire your brain. I can really feel a difference the day after so it does something! I was on citalopram when i first started suffering with the anxiety but then switched to sertraline which ive been taking on and off over the years. I came off it before i got pregnant but I'm definitley going to need to go back on it once ive had the baby but I'll have to take the minimal dose as I'll be breast feeding xx

Yeh i was thinking can you still breastfeed if youre taking antidepressants xx

I know sertraline is considered the safest in breastfeeding as hardly anything passes into your milk from it. I started taking it in once my last baby was 5 months and i breastfed til he was not far off of 1 and he had no obvious effects from it. X

 

[Lil_Gem_1989]

I am feeling the same. Im having more low days than good days at the minute.
Ive had to come off my antidepressants but after speaking to the consultant at my local hospital yesterday he has told me to book in with my gp to get back on them.
My blood pressure is high so maybe thats why, im sure my anger and constant irritability and worrying isnt good for baby xx

Oh no sorry you're going through this aswel. It seems so unfair that we even get this sort of thing. I'm constantly having to take myself out the room so i don't havr a go
At my kids. I've constantly got this amazingly happy front on for them so they don't pick up on it.. Its almost like a form of imprisonment. I wish my happy front wasn't a front x

Yes its awful isnt it i find my oh bares the brunt of it, poor thing lol.
Good job hes the supportive type.
Have you spoken to anyone about how youre feeling? (Eg doctor etc)
X

Haha yes my OH definitely has to put up with a lot but he's quite clued up on it all now so he knows alot of it isn't really me talking. Yes i have loads of times but they all just recommend CBT and mindfulness. I've been on a few courses over the years but they didn't make much difference hence why ive gone privately. I've had a few hypnotherapy sessions which definitely help . What meds are you planning on going on? Xx

Oooh hypnotherapy sounds good, not tried that. Does it just make you more calm?
Well i was on citalopram 10mg in my last pregnancy so they may put me back on that, im not sure.
I was on venlafaxine before i got pregnant this time which was perfectly for me but i think its not as safe in pregnancy as some of the others? X

It definitely calms you having hypnosis but after a while its supposed to almost rewire your brain. I can really feel a difference the day after so it does something! I was on citalopram when i first started suffering with the anxiety but then switched to sertraline which ive been taking on and off over the years. I came off it before i got pregnant but I'm definitley going to need to go back on it once ive had the baby but I'll have to take the minimal dose as I'll be breast feeding xx

Yeh i was thinking can you still breastfeed if youre taking antidepressants xx

I know sertraline is considered the safest in breastfeeding as hardly anything passes into your milk from it. I started taking it in once my last baby was 5 months and i breastfed til he was not far off of 1 and he had no obvious effects from it. X

Ah thats good, at least thats an option then! Xx

 

[Keepsmiling91]

ah ladies so sorry you're both feeling this way! I am exactly the same so can relate although not doing as good a job at hiding it as you! Im a single mum, found out I was pregnant with a VERY unexpected 4th in December and my OH walked out just in time for xmas and hasn't been back since, tbh he wasn't much support anyway and cheated numerous times over the years so Im used to doing it alone, but feeling down everyday and can't take much more! I wasn't too pleased when I found out i was pregnant which makes me feel awful as I was so excited with my other 3! Im so so scared about how ill cope, how it will affect my other girls, money, and selfish reasons, I was hoping to get some form of my life back as for the last 6 years its been all about the kids, (I don't have any support or breaks etc) only when my eldest is at school, but still have my 17 month old and my 4 year old half the days as she does 3 days nursery.

Im dreading it all and cry everyday wishing I was dead, was on 50mg citalopram (for the last 5 years) and was ok/borderline happy, until the pregnancy, theyve now swapped me onto 50mg sertraline but hasn't seemed to of helped. I just want to go back to enjoying my kids and looking forward to our future together, right now I feel trapped and desperate for an escape!

 

[bdb84]

I hope you've been feeling better.

Does your doctor not want you on antidepressants during your pregnancy? My OB put me on a very low dose of sertraline during the 7th month of my last pregnancy and it was wondrous for me. I nursed successfully while on it as well.

 

[CharCharxxx]

I hope you've been feeling better.

Does your doctor not want you on antidepressants during your pregnancy? My OB put me on a very low dose of sertraline during the 7th month of my last pregnancy and it was wondrous for me. I nursed successfully while on it as well.

Ive had some better days inbetween thank you for asking anxiety still very much there though. My doctor said its my decision and that obviously there are risks with everything you take.. in my mind i hear risk therefore i cannot bring myself to take that chance. I have 14 weeks left so im just going to try and power through if i can. Will take when nursing definitely even if the lowest dose its better than nothing i guess! X

 

[CharCharxxx]

ah ladies so sorry you're both feeling this way! I am exactly the same so can relate although not doing as good a job at hiding it as you! Im a single mum, found out I was pregnant with a VERY unexpected 4th in December and my OH walked out just in time for xmas and hasn't been back since, tbh he wasn't much support anyway and cheated numerous times over the years so Im used to doing it alone, but feeling down everyday and can't take much more! I wasn't too pleased when I found out i was pregnant which makes me feel awful as I was so excited with my other 3! Im so so scared about how ill cope, how it will affect my other girls, money, and selfish reasons, I was hoping to get some form of my life back as for the last 6 years its been all about the kids, (I don't have any support or breaks etc) only when my eldest is at school, but still have my 17 month old and my 4 year old half the days as she does 3 days nursery.

Im dreading it all and cry everyday wishing I was dead, was on 50mg citalopram (for the last 5 years) and was ok/borderline happy, until the pregnancy, theyve now swapped me onto 50mg sertraline but hasn't seemed to of helped. I just want to go back to enjoying my kids and looking forward to our future together, right now I feel trapped and desperate for an escape!

Oh hun big hugs to you, it must of been such a tough few months for you, i am sorry you have had to go through this.
Sertaline can take a while to kick in how long have you been on them?
Sorry you are feeling so low aswel, i think we just need to try and hold on to that feeling of complete relief and overwhelming happiness once these babies are in our arms, all of a sudden everything makes sense and the pregnancy soon becomes a distant memory.. its just tough getting through it. I saw my therapist last week and i was in floods of tears because of the guilt of not feeling the same happy feelings towards this one as my others and that i almost feel like im serving a sentence, best way i could describe it ! X