I just want to cry :(

[Breeelizabeth]

I'm so sorry but I'm miserable and need to rant.

I just jumped on Facebook and saw that FOB has announced he is having a baby with his girlfriend (they were broken up when I fell pregnant.) I feel like my daughter's chances of knowing her dad are now 0 - as his girlfriend doesn't know that I'm pregnant with his child. He hasn't helped me at all during this pregnancy, hasn't brought anything for baby and hasn't offered me any support after she's born. I'm absolutely heartbroken for my daughter, now she won't be acknowledged by him and I'm heartbroken for myself - because somewhere deep down I loved him.

My daughter will never get to know her grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins and siblings but this new baby will. I'm green with envy and just feel like crap. I feel like such a horrible mum for doing this to her..

Should I text him and say something?
I just want a big hug and a big cry.

 

[Fourstar]

Sending you a big hug

That's so tough to deal with. If I were you I'd allow myself a good old cry and a mope for a couple of days. Once you've adjusted to the news I see no reason why you can't contact him and in a no pressure approach invite him to be involved in his daughter's life. If it's on his terms he might be more inclined to show an interest. Annoying I know that he gets that luxary!

Your daughter is so blessed to have a mother like you who loves her so much that she only wants what is best for her. Given time daddy might grow into a more selfless person too. Start softly softly. Your goal right now is to establish and maintain contact, especially with his family. Once they meet your daughter I don't see why they would not love her.

 

[HopefulMarla]

That's really tough honey. I can completely understand that. You must be grieving a whole lot right now. It will get better with time. Not now, but sometime, you may want to consider taking him to court. Or something of that nature. Just because he wants to pretend like you're not pregnant, and he is not the father. Doesn't mean he's not. He still has financial responsibilities, at the very least. If he didn't tell his girlfriend, and she finds out. That's on him, not you. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this.

 

[princessatmey]

why wont she see his family hun. An yea maybe lol pp said have a wee cry an then maybe ask what his plans are, sounds like your lil girl be better off without him if he took no intrest in preg, but still brill of you keep door open an its his loss. Take care

 

[redneckhippy]

I don't know the laws where you live, but I think you should go after him for child support. He may choose not to be actively involved in his daugther's life (his loss, she will already be blessed with a mom who loves her enough for both), but he has the legal responsibility to make sure his daughter is provided for. You shouldn't feel bad about going after him for it because it is for the good of your daughter, not for you and that's what he owes her (at MINIMUM) as her father.

 

[Kitten]

I agree re: child support and also I don‘t see why his family can‘t be involved even if he isn‘t interested?

 

[Selaphyna]

There are alot of things to think about here. Do you want to try chasing him for the rest of her life (not saying that will happen, but it may), only to cause more heartbreak for you as well as your daughter? You could invite him to be apart of his daughter's life and leaving it on his terms. You could take him to court. Or another option is to forget him entirely in regards to paternity (I know if you loved him, and the fact that you are having his daughter, you can't completely forget him). This last one will make it much easier when you start dating again and eventually get married that your husband can then adopt her. This is what my mom did with my brother. His father had nothing to do with her or him, but she met my dad when my brother was about a year old. After they got married, and had me, he eventually adopted my brother, and he knows him as dad and calls him dad.

I know it's hard, but know that you love your little girl and you will be a wonderful mother because you love her. Stay strong. It's tough but I know you can get through this.

 

[Breeelizabeth]

Thanks ladies, I really appreciate it xx oh and his family don't know about me or baby, which is why they will have no involvement. He's swept us both under the rug.

 

[petitpas]

I'm really sorry about your situation but once your baby is born you can push for more involvement, at least financially.
I find it strange that he is hiding your pregnancy from his family and girlfriend and is still friends with you on Facebook.

 

[amyleigh89]

Honestly... I wouldn't allow myself to be swept under the rug. You don't deserve it and nor does your little one. In my opinion the shit bags family should have the choice.

A few years back my brother was casually seeing this girl. She became pregnant and insisted the baby was not his but another guy. This guy was mixed race. Baby was born fair with bright blonde hair just like my brother but this girl refused a DNA test. I've since seen pics of the little boy and in my opinion there is no doubting he is my brothers. I know the situation is a little different but my family would have loved the chance to be involved.

X

 

[amyleigh89]

Also - if I were his girlfriend I sure as hell would want to know x

 

[petitpas]

I also think the family should have a chance to know the baby. They may choose not to but they ought to know. Maybe you could write his parents a letter (obviously let ex know your intentions so it isn't going behind his back)?

 

[laura109]

This is a tough one but he got you pregnant and if his gf new the truth shed be pretty annoyed. I think the truth is always a must and it will come out in the end. No point lying itl make the future messy. Dont protect him! Tell his gf the situation. She has every right to know. He also should be more careful when having sex too. This is your daughters life so i think you should make sure its all out their when shes born.

if hes not man enough to be in her life you will be a fab mum im sure. You will no doubt meet someone else who can give her a loving male role. Sending you hugs xxx