I need a little advice. Guidance. Something.

[3xpire]

This is me venting a little bit. Just trying to get things out before I do something stupid or think out of line more than I already am. If I come off selfish, whiny, I apologize, because it's not what I intended.

I know I have it good, having my baby's father around. We're engaged. I have a very supportive family that's offering to help save my ass from more trouble than I even deserve. I live away from my family. About fourty minutes. I rarely see them, but they're happy I'm pregnant and having a child. My mother took out some money as a loan type of thing from her work to buy my car seat and crib, etc. At home, being away from everybody, all I have is my fiance, his mother, and my pets. My 'what i referred to as friends' are all immature, party, and pregnancy is least interesting. And they never come around anymore. It's getting to be very hard for me to keep any ounce of sanity or emotional security anymore.

I've had a pretty rough pregnancy. It's been rough on my body, my relationship, my ability to work. For 90% of my pregnancy I've been dealing with extreme morning sickness, some depression and anxiety, extreme exhaustion. My fiance's been supportive of the pregnancy, or at least he's willing to step up as a father and be there for me, but it's beginning to turn into an issue.

My fiance and I live with his mother and plan to get an apartment here soon once my benefits kick in and I start working (if I can get a job). His mother has been making me very inconfident with being pregnant. All she says to me is that we're irresponsible. We won't be able to make it as parents. We won't have money. We can't even take care of ourselves. I'm wrong for choosing to take help with state healthcare because they will come after my fiance for all of the money back. That I'm stupid for thinking that WIC will help me in any way. That I'm stupid for wanting to have at least two months to heal and take time off for the baby. That I'm stupid for the way I eat. Trying to put me down for listening to my midwife on advice on vitamins/prenatals, about my body, about stress, about everything.

I try to not listen to anything she says. But she targets me all of the time. Small remarks all day long. And they get to me. Tonight, while i was grabbing a salad from the store, she wouldn't shut up about me not eating right, that I NEED to take all these different vitamins. Telling me I need to pay more attention to making sure I don't mess with the baby. That I need this and that. And she wouldnt leave me alone. I kind of snapped and said that I know what I'm doing. I read up on things. I do my research. Ive talked to doctors, moms, etc. I don't need it all day, every day. And my fiance immediately snapped at me and told me that I don't need to be a bitch and that I need to stop being so hormonal.

Now, I know I could have reacted nicer to her, but I've been building up so much stress and anger from her that I couldn't help it. I can't control how I react to stressful things anymore. I hate the hormones more than anything in the world. I'm usually so good at tolerating everything and reacting rationally.

I've talked to my fiance about how I feel before. That I never mean to overreact. I never mean to snap, get bitchy, cry over small things. It's too hard to control, even though I try my very best. And both him and his mother both think that being pregnant isn't that hard. That I can control how I feel all of the time. That I can stop myself from crying when I get so frustrated. That I can control my sickness and that I can work as much as his mom wants me to (shes bitching at me to get two jobs right now).

I don't know what to do.

I'm so sick of being on this pedestal and not having anyone, or any friends that understand that everyone's different, and that not everyone has the easiest pregnancy. I know this is probably very selfish and stupid of me to say, but the stress from everything and being so emotional and sick is so frustrating, and it takes so much out of me, that some days I wish I could just not be pregnant at all. That it would be so much easier if I could get rid of being pregnant in the name of being able to work again without an issue, having a happy relationship with everyone again, and not having such giant pressure on me to be perfect.

I have no idea how to handle my fiance's mother, and how to get him to understand that I need him to be a little more sensetive. I've talked to him about all of this before, a few times actually, and all I get is the same thing every time.

 

[lizmageeful]

We sound like were in a similar situation (not identical, but similar). My fiance and I live with my parents, ive had EXTREME morning sickness (to the point where Ive been in teh hospital a few times), my emotions have been insane even though I used to be level headed (OH calls me Hulk Smash occasionally), friends are unsupportive, were planning on using all of the govt benefits we can get, and OH's mom is very judgemental and kinda a bitch sometimes... I wish I had some solution thats worked with me. Saying were getting married before Lux is here has helped OHs mom calm down a little, but still... I think you just need to sit down and talk to OH at least. Explain that you dont have control over a lot of this, and see if he can get his mom to cool it. PM me if you want to talk, cause i feel your pain... ahah.

 

[mayb_baby]

Is there anyway you and your fiancé could move to your parents as you need support, no to feel like your baby is a problem and by the sounds of your OHs mum I would of snapped long before you did.
I would tell him your unhappy/hormonal and stressed and its not good for your LO. If he complains and says how easy pregnancy is tell him you need to be around supportive people which he clearly cannot be under the influence of his mother, this is all about you him and your LO now. Work the hours you can and relax when you can pregnancy hormones are a bitch try and stress less, your doing great so far

 

[Hangin_On_AGS]

I just happened to notice your in MN as well.. if you need a local bump buddy or just someone to get out and vent to let me know.

 

[3xpire]

@mayb_baby

Yeah, I wish I could move us to my parents, but my parents live in such a small place and there's no room. And my OH would have to give up his good paying job then too. It's just tough.

Thank you all

 

[mayb_baby]

hope you get over this rough patch soon

 

[xolynn]

Aww, sorry to hear you are going through so much stress. Thats no good for you or the baby...you should talk to his mother about how you feel. Just try sitting her down sometime maybe and be like "look I feel like you are constantly criticizing me and its making me really upset. All this stress is seriously really bad for my unborn child and its not fair to him/her." Or you know, something like that lol. And I think you had every right to snap at her when you did, she sounds like shes being very unfair to you. Your OH should also maybe talk to her about the way she treats you its just not right that you have to deal w that! I wish you the best of luck and hope things get better and less stressful for your sake!

 

[cluckerduckie]

Just wow. No offense but what a shitty situation. First off, has your so called mother in law done her research? The state won't come after money if you're on a state funded insurance. ><
You end up peeing out a majority of the vitamins you take in with your prenatal anyways because minus fatty acids, the baby takes what it needs from you. Not meaning to sound condescending to you if it comes across that way but, she needs to do some reading. I don't understand her.

You however, know what is best and really some help is appreciated but having a baby is a learned experience. You're doing the best you can by reading and actually showing interest in WIC.
For your partners help, try finding a parenting class-offered by wic, that you both can go to. My husband didn't actually believe all the changes that happened to my body until we finished childbirth class and his understanding is more than acceptable. He needs to realize what is changing, how he can help you cope, and by possibly being in the mindset that he's going to be a father-not saying he's immature-but to help you, could benefit you in many ways. I had my first at 18 to a man who never stepped up to be a father. He didn't/doesn't know how and by the time he realized it, it was too late. Get him some knowledge in what you're going through.

 

[Abigail8673]

My advice is get outttt. go find somewhere to go a cheap apartment or something I dealt with my inlaws and it sucked even if they are good people and blah blah it never works. its a lot better just being on your own