I really cant handle it :(

[Sophie1205]

I feel like a complete failure as a mother.
I cant handle when he cries and cries and I dont know whats wrong with him. I have just been crying myself. I feel so rundown and tired. Im not getting along with OH at all. I hate living where I do, with him and his mum. I love my baby more than anything in the world but I cant help getting angry with him when he keeps spitting his dummy out literally every 30 seconds when Im trying to sleep. Then he screams and screams and wont stop and nothing I do will stop him. I dont want to be angry with him because I love him so much but I just cant handle it
OH basically said to me yesterday that Im a shit mother and that I wouldnt cope if I was alone. I really dont want to kiss or even be near my OH.
Ive had the worst new years eve ever.
I dont know what to do. Everything seems to be going wrong. I really need to move out for a start but if OH doesnt move with me how the hell am I gonna cope alone?!


xx

 

[brownhairedmom]

Its so rough, isn't it? Your OH should be more supportive than that. Tell him to try it 24/7 by himself because he probably doesn't do nearly as much as you do! Men are so insensitive towards pregnancy and motherhood sometimes.

I know it is difficult figuring out what they need. I don't know if you've heard of this or not, but you should buy/download torrent of Dunstan Baby Language. I have the DVDs and it has helped so much. There are 5 sounds babies make for different things. Renah makes all the same sounds and they're spot on every time. It really just makes my life a lot easier. It won't stop them crying but at least you'll have some idea of what he's crying for.

Here's a youtube clip about it:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aewskiO9YuY

 

[Pyrrhic]

hun.

I'm so sorry you're having a rough time of it. I don't know if I'm right, but the first few weeks seem like the hardest. Not only having to readjust to being a Mum but also coping with everything your LO demands. I've been feeling very similar too, so you're not alone. I'm up with Niamh now because every time I put her down she's crying. She's not due a feed, but I decided to give her some anyway and that's finally settled her, plus being in her rocker.

You are in no way a failure as a Mum, and you can get through these first few weeks.

 

[mommyof3co]

So sorry had to check dinner and the baby went to town on the keyboard

I'm sorry! You are NOT a failure as a mom, you were just thrown into this completely different world and both you and your baby have to adjust. It will take awhile to figure out cries and all that but you WILL. Something that might help with nighttime is cosleeping, I know alot of people are against it but I'm all for it and there is even evidence that if done safely (don't go to sleep taking any meds that might make you sleep heavier, or drinking, no fluffy bedding, dont put them on a pillow) that it is even safer than crib sleeping because the baby regulates their breathing with yours and other reasons. But even if he keeps waking up because he spits his paci out he's right there so atleast you can both get more sleep and he will probably sleep even better up against you. You can always wean him off it in a month or two or however long you want to, some people say its really hard but with my 2 boys I coslept with it wasn't hard at all to get them into their own beds

 

[Sophie1205]

Rae - that video is amazing. I recognise all those cries. Thank you for that. x

Rafwife - its good to know Im not alone. I have a feeling i might have PND though cuz I just read a leaflet on it that the HV gave me today and I have all the symptoms/indications listed on there

Mommyof3co - Thank you. Im scared of co sleeping but sometimes if hes crying Ill lay him in our bed (when were both awake) and he'll sleep fine though. But Im afraid of falling asleep with him there.

xx

 

[mommyof3co]

I hear alot of people say that and really when they are there it's like you sense it, you just know they are there. But do whatever feels most comfortable to you Things will get better

 

[eclipse]

It will get better....it will. I coslept with my son in what was called a snuggle nest, and it had hard padded sides so we could not roll over him and it went at the head of the bed between me and my husband. It was fabulous. He slept so well in it. I could scoot him down and breastfeed him without getting out of bed which was great since I had a c-section. Plus, if you think you may have PND you need to get checked. There are such great treatments available to make you feel better and also, smack your OH for me. What an ass. good luck, hope it gets better soon.

 

[Sovereign]

Aww honey, I hope you feel better soon.x

 

[Pyrrhic]

Rafwife - its good to know Im not alone. I have a feeling i might have PND though cuz I just read a leaflet on it that the HV gave me today and I have all the symptoms/indications listed on there

I can't remember if you read my thread in the girly sanctuary, but you are definitely not alone. I'm always here if you want to talk, even if you just need to use someone as a sounding board. I'll drop you a PM with my mobile number too so you can text if you want. Us girls need to stick together xx

 

[Pearl]

pay no attention to ur OH. it can be tough sometimes when we dont know whats wrong with the baby. it can be hard as well with the sleep deprivation if ur baby is waking up often but dont worry , dont despair, he will learn that the night is the night and then hopefully he'll sleep longer. If u get into a routine for when its bed time , ie mayb bath him, turn the lights of when in the room hes sleeping in and a feed with no noise. he will eventually get used to it. i know it feels like it may never happen that he sleep well but he will learn. babies are amazing at how fast they learn and develop. and hopefully u will feel so proud that youve done a good job of teaching him etc. As for the OH, tell him to take over for a day and see what he'll be like. he shoudl be supportive, it wont help to have comments like that so please talk to someone who will listen and help rather than criticise u !

also remember your may have wind or even colic. he may be that hes just hungry. just make sure u give him a full feed before bed time, changed nappy etc so that it will help u eliminate what might be wrong. remember all babies are different and it may take a few little weeks to understand ur baby's patterns.

hope things get better and ur doing v.well

 

[polo_princess]

Aww Soph im sorry your having a tough time of it at the minute, i cant say much that the other girls havent said already but i hope your feeling better soon

 

[Sophie1205]

thanks so much ladies. i do need to try and establish a routine with him but at the moment hes not settling till about 4am. its so hard though and OH has stopped helping me through the night with him, he said last night "well u need to get used to it for when i go back to work". so he expects me to do everything all day n night and he can just sit on his arse n do nothing when he gets in?? dont think so. he only takes him off me when he wants a cuddle but as soon as he needs changin or feedin he'll hand him straight back.

I am worried about PND, but OH n his mother just think im being moody.
I cnt even stand to be around OH, hes horrible 2 me one minute then hes trying to kiss me etc... but everytime he comes near me i hate it and tell him to get off me.

xx

 

[6lilpigs]

Men just don't have a clue unfortunately and living with his mother!! Nightmare. Don't get yourself down, being a mum is not as easy as people make out, its just you and Leo learning about each other and it is tough!! It is constant, 24 hrs for the next 50 years! of worry and doubt but also happiness, laughter and complete love.
Is there anywhere else you can go? Is your family near? Is Leo on the booby or the bottle? If he's booby fed then he may just want to nuzzle all night, mine have done this, then they start grunting because their all gassy lol. Or if he's on the bottle and he's a good size do you think he may need an extra ounce in his night feed. Giving him a bath before bed is also meant to help to settle baby, its like when we get in a nice deep warm bath for aches and pains. Hope things pick up soon for you both.

 

[Sophie1205]

Thank you xx

Yeah hes bottle fed so I may give him an extra ounce before bed. But what time should I really be putting him to bed? Hes due a feed at 8pm so if I bath him just before then, then give him his feed and put him to bed? But He will most likely wake up around 12 (when hes due another feed) and probably wont settle till 4am again. But I'll see how tonight goes.

Well Im starting to apply for my own house this month and as OH is far too comfortable living at home with mummy Ive said I AM applying for houses and he can follow me or not, simple as.

xxx

 

[nessajane]

sorry your not having a good time of it hun

Why dont you try bringing his last feed before bed time back abit?

for example... we feed our LO about 10pm ish and by the time he has had bottle and a nappy change he's asleep by 10.45/11, then doesnt wake then till about 2.30ish has another feed/change then back to sleep till 6 then has another feed/change back to sleep till 9.30am. Sometimes LO doesnt settle straight away but i find that if i lay down with him on my chest for a while he seems to calm down and eventually falls asleep then i carry him back to his moses baket.

Some one told me the sound of your Heartbeat comforts the baby??
It works for me so its worth a shot!!

Hope this helps x x

 

[Sophie1205]

Thanks Nessa. Yeah I do that sometimes with him on my chest, it does work. But with his feeding times, they never stay the same as he may want it an hour earlier or later etc... But Im trying to get his last feed of the day back to 10pm as he settled for longer that way.

xx

 

[aurora32]

Hi hunni,

sorry you are having a terrile time but in NO WAY are you a failure, as Nessa says have you tried feeding him later so he sleeps later what strenght milk is he on?? could you give him a hungrier baby milk as my 2nd baby was unsettled and he was hungry milk was filling him but not sustaining him Aptamil Extra hungry is great for this i swear by it, if he is more comfortable falling asleep with you let him do so on your chest but then put him in his cot once he is asleep, has he got a comforter toy my last LO had the winnie the pooh lights and sound one that helps makes him feel he is not alone, or you could try a radio or cd player on low, what does he sleep in as my first baby was like this was always crying and i ended up putting her into a fleecy sleeping all in one bag and covered with a sheet cellular and fleece blanket worked a dream she was cold, anything is worth trying hunn if you ever need to talk or want any advice feel free to PM me im on pregnancy number 5 so got a bit of experience.... and all mine were different.
Rest when he does and dont bottle anything up, have you anyone you can trust to help as it seems oh and his mother are not in any way.
Hope some of this is of help hunn......

 

[Sophie1205]

Thanks that was really helpful.

Im willing to try anything so we'll see how tonight goes then Im gonna have to try something different.

Hes on SMA gold btw.
xx

 

[nessajane]

have you tried a dummy to try and settle him in the night hun?x

 

[Sophie1205]

Yeah he has a dummy, but he accidently knocks it out or drops it out of his mouth A LOT so im up and down every 30 seconds to give it him back. It does settle him though and after about an hour of giving it back to him he will fall asleep.

xx