I should be 12 weeks....

[Lazy Leo]

I should have been 12 weeks yesterday but I'm not.

I feel like such a child crying and saying how unfair it is. My friend's sister on a life support machine at 26 is unfair. I tried to ignore yesterday but I couldn't. My friend passed remarks on one of the carry case things dad's use to strap the kids to their back and joked that she couldn't see her husband using one.

I was just a mix of emotions as I can see John using one of them and we should be looking forward to that but we're not. Instead I'm using OPKs and trying to work out if my cycle is going to be the same as was before my mc.

Will it be like this forever? Will I ever be able to go past those all important dates in the future? I've got my planned dating scan later this week and I would have been due on Feb 10. Will I always think about the baby who wasn't to be? Will it stop if I do have a healthy baby in the future, is it wrong to 'forget' about it if I do have a healthy baby?

I don't want to be sad and pathetic and crying at all these dates, but yikes it's hard.

 

[Suz]

Im sorry your having a hard time... Just take it day by day and step by step. We are all here for you

 

[miel]

 

[Pixie]

Hi honey, you'll never forget about the little one you lost but the pain does get easier to live with as time goes by. I've lost two little angels, trying again and it's really hard some days but we have to stay positive. Sending you a big

 

[Lazy Leo]

Pixie, so sorry for your losses and thanks for your reply. I guess I just want to know what to expect and yet deep down i know everyone is different and probably no-one really knows how anyone reacts to all of this

 

[Pixie]

It is really difficult to deal with and everyone reacts differently - if you ever want to chat just PM me anytime x

 

[Loo]

I've jusy gone past my due date and it was hard. I saw it as a final 'farewell' as there wouldnt be any more new dates, only anniversaries of the same ones...and if I could cope with the first time round, then I can cope next year and so on...and that gave me some kind of comfort/peace. My LO knows I love them and will never forget them, but I had to let them go and live their new life (in heaven or wherever you believe).

I'm sorry it's so painful for you right now and I hope you are OK and that you reach a comfortable place for you too. xx

 

[todteach]

I'm so sorry. All I can say is that after two months, I'm feeling much better....sad days still come too, don't get me wrong. But as time goes by, I'm finding it much easier to smile. Big to everyone that has had a loss in their life. You're right: life isn't fair. But just know that you have a whole bunch of great support here for you.

Take care.

 

[LauraW]

I can't imagine what you're going through, but you've got all the support in the world here. Take all the time you need.

 

[NeyNey]

 

[xXx Vamp xXx]

I just wanted to give you a babes x

 

[superp123]

Awe Nic, so sorry Each day or milestone will get easier, and easier as time goes on. But you'll never forget hun, its just one of those things that stays with you. I hope you're feeling less sad very soon, but do take time to let it out, even if it's only those in-between times. Lots of , and don't be a stranger, I'm here if you need me.
P

 

[Rumpskin]

Nic, I am sorry you are having a rough time at the moment.

I know how you feel. Every milestone is signicant and it is hard. No doubt about it.

 

[sem]

Nic,

i am so sorry for your loss, i am new to this site but i just wanted to say that since speaking to people on here it has helped me so much to come to terms with what happened. Everyone is so kind and caring and knows exactly how you feel, So keep talking honey, you will never forget but slowly it will become easier

thinking of you xx

 

[buffycat]

hey Nic......

i've just gone past what would have been my 32week point.....and until i get past the due date in September, i know that there are going to more difficult days. I'm away on Sept 23rd, but i know that i will be a mess, just thinking about it now brings tears to my eyes.

My friend is due on Sept14th too.....

these are milestones, but i'm trying to think of them in terms of the whole grieving process......i'd hoped to be pregnant by the time i would have been due, in the hope that that might make it easier to deal with....i'm still trying though....

pixie is right though "the pain does get easier to live with as time goes by"

i wish you and everyone else in this room didn't have to go through this heartache and pain...it really isn't fair.....hang in there though.....

take each day one at a time, that's the way that i've gotten to this point, and if you need to cry, then cry....i still do now.....

lots of luv & hugs

 

[Logiebear]

I would have been 24 weeks today so I know it is hard I don't think you ever forget. When you have a healthy baby you will always wonder about the baby you didn't get to meet but in time you learn to accept what happened. It isn't about healing or getting over it coz I don't think you ever do, I know I won't. For me it's more about coming to terms with what happened and accepting it. It is an awful pain in your heart and the pit of stomach every time you think about that I want to go away. I need to lose that pain coz it hurts soooooooo much!! I have accepted it but I just want to lose that pain! I wish I could hug everyone on here who hurts like this as it is truely awful

 

[Tishimouse]

Oh sweet Nic,

So sad for you. I wish I could make the pain go away and life is full of massive ups and massive downs. Good always follows bad so try to focus on that if you can. No harm in having a few mopey days and crying is a safety valve that I believe stops us imploding.

You will be fine and it won't always be like this. You will one day have your dreams come true and hurtful memories will fade into a place where they belong. Not necessarily into a forgotten place, but into a peaceful place.

 

[x_Rainbow_x]

hunni as weird as it sounds u harden to it. after a while you get used 2 it and as much as it hurts u dnt think wat if.. you thing my angel is playing on a cloud causing trouble.

it gets easier trust me, i used 2 count days an keep dates but it makes it so hard..

 

[Faerie]

Hey Nic sweetie, you will most likely never forget, but there does come a time when you're not remembering every day. I remember my losses in a more matter of fact way now, and only from time to time get seriously down (more missing the time when I was pregnant rather than their due dates). It's hard because we're still TTC, I think it will get easier to move on once we have our bundles of joy, which will happen

 

[Lazy Leo]

Thank you girls, your support means such a lot to me. I know in time it will fade but I just wonder what it will feel like. Given I lost so early I've been really surprised at just how much it's impacted me. I never thought I would have found it this hard. I suppose it only shows how much we wanted this. Which I suppose means we just have to keep trying when the opportunity comes again.