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I think I belong here now

Amos2009

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Hope you ladies don't mind me popping in. Sorry to come in on such a sour note, but I am about to go through my 4th loss. Here is the short story- I am 37, hubby is 43 and we have been trying for our first baby together. He has a daughter from his first marriage.
May 2009 I got pregnant, went along to nearly 12 weeks then went for an ultrasound only for them to tell me there was no heartbeat. Had a D&C in July.
Got pregnant again in September only to mc in October at 7 weeks. Needed another D&C in the end.
Amazingly got pregnant again in January only to find out the baby was in my left tube. Had emergency surgery February 9th where instead of taking out my tube it was cut in half and sutured up. I was then referred to a fertility specialist where they ran a million tests and told me everything was "normal". How in the world can everything be normal when I have lost 3 babies???
March 23 I was supposed to go in for my CD2 bloodwork and since AF had not shown up I thought, well, I will take a pregnancy test even though I know I'm not pregnant. Boy was I wrong- a positive popped up right away. I actually felt so positive this time because I thought I had been through it all and maybe this would be my miracle baby. Well- I went to have my levels tested Wednesday this week and they were at 108, but today they have fallen to 101. Doctor said I am either going to mc again, or it's another pregnancy in my tube. And of course it's the tube that was sutured up because I seem to always ovulate from that side.
I am so numb right now I cannot even cry. I don't know what our next steps will be, and I am not even sure I can keep trying. My body is so tired- it has been a terrible 10 months for me. I normally do not ask why me or whine about things that happen, but I just don't understand what I have done in my life that makes me deserve all this.
Anyway- there is really no point in this post, I guess I just needed to let it all out. Thanks for listening.
 
Oh Amos, so sorry to hear about this loss, and your previous losses as well.

I haven't experienced this myself; I'm sure there are many other ladies in this forum who are better qualified than me to respond to you on this. But I really do feel for you.

I'm sure you haven't done anything in your life to deserve this honey. No one does. What you deserve is to have a healthy, happy baby.

I hope you can find the strength to get through this time and that you get your little angel in the end.

sending love :hugs:
 
amos sorry to hear bout your losses but dont give up hope sum women go through pregnancy with low levels, i mc last yr after 14ttc so i know how your feeling if u do mc this time they will have to investigate 2 y its happening my friend mc 3 times in arow but wouldnt do anything until she had 4 but the 4 time she carried full time, hope everything works out ok for u
 
hey amos
so sorry for your losses, i hope you get some answers soon x
 
Hey Amos - I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this again hun :hugs:

You have had such a hard time over the past year......Its so frustrating not getting any answers, I hope there is maybe something else they can look into now this has happened to you again.....xxx
 
Thanks everyone....I really appreciate all the kind words. You are the best
 
Dear AMOS, I dont have words to console u, but all I can tell u is I absolutely understand what u r goin thro'..yes the questions are always "why me??" when we see other ppl around us jus casually fall pregg even if they dont want one and more than that are able to carry on with it full term...I too feel the way u do as well, but lets stay focused, positive and one day we will have time together telling each others about our naughty kids :-) .. dont worry, we r all here for each other..

Love
Uma
 
Thanks so much Uma....I hate it feeling so jealous when I see my friends with their kids and hear them talking about their kids. I have my ups and downs, and I have tried desperately to have more ups than downs but I am losing that battle right now. My mom has suggested I go see a counselor, and I am truly thinking about it.
 
Honey there are some people who are vile, selfish, arrogant and even evil who sail through life without a hitch. These things always happen to the good folk who just want a bit of happiness. I'm so sorry to hear of your losses - it's unimaginable. Welcome to ltttc and I hope your stay is short. xxx
 
Aw hun i am so sorry to hear about your losses and what ypu are going through... sending lots of hugs your way. xx
 
Hope you get a good outcome. Hold on to hope. We are all thinking of you.

And seeing a counsellor is a very good idea. Been to one myself and it truly helps to go to an objective individual and 'get if off your chest'. It is can also be a saviour to a marriage or relationship to have some of your tension, heartache and stress eased. xxxxxxxxxxxx
 
Amy,
I agree I think seeing a counselor would be good. I am considering seeing one myself. This place is sorta my cyber counselor but it would be nice to feel some compassion face to face and not always have to lean on my DH for support. At least maybe I can get some happy pills to help with the really bad days and there are so many.
 
Amos...we are coming to Alabama in July for a vacation, so I will come and give you a big hug in person!:hugs:
We could also be sporting matching bumps by then eh hunni?!!!:haha::hugs:
 
Amy- happy pills sound great right about now!
Mummy- what in the world are you coming to Alabama for??? And yes- that would be awesome to have baby bumps to compare!!!
 
"Mummy- what in the world are you coming to Alabama for??? And yes- that would be awesome to have baby bumps to compare!!! "
:haha:

Why, is it THAT bad LOL?!!! We are doing a southern states tour this year as we have done the whole Mickey Mouse thing and the Jackson Hole visit aswell as the Oregon trail ride.

We are only in Alabama for 3 days, but enough time to compare bumps!!:happydance:

The whole vacation is nearly 6 weeks! Yay!!!:happydance:

So BIG :hugs: will be with you soon hunni!!!:hugs:
 

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