I think my nephew could have autism

[Lunabelle]

Hi everyone,

I have been looking after my sisters son while she has been unwell so we have been spending a lot more time together than usual. She used to tell me about his funny quirks like if he misses a step on the stairs they need to go and do it all again and I thought she was crazy and maybe even spoiling him. She puts it down to the terrible twos. Now that I am looking after him without her doing everything as she normally does I think he could be on the autism spectrum. I only thought about it today and haven't stopped researching and I can't get it off my mind.

In addition to having severe tantrums if things don't go by the routine he is almost three and hardly speaking. He has some words, probably around 50. He has an incredible memory and can understand absolutely everything. I think he has some problems reading emotions, like my daughter went to hug him when he came jn and he pushed he away angry, when we were reading a book with faces of different emitions he got some mixed up. He is very sociable and adorable little boy, no problem looking in the eyes and says hello to people in the park. So when I look at him at these moments I think I'm crazy, and I think this is why it would be so hard for my sister to even play with the idea.

He was already kicked out once from a club and I worry that if he goes undiagnosed life would be too rough on him. I don't want him to get labelled, but if he was autism he could benefit from some help.

I really feel atm I couldn't tell my sister about it because she doesn't know anything about autism so she would just complety deny it. I think since I am still here till Sunday I could try putting on a document about autism in children and say I want to watch it. Do you guys have any suggestions for documents?

I think if that fails I could speak to my mum and see what she thinks. I think she might already worry there's a problem, but she hasn't said anything. I don't want her to repeat what I've said and then we would be speaking about him behind her back, I think it would make her very angry.

What other ideas do you have about how I could approach the situation? Also should I mention anything, or wait and see how things playout? She says a lot of these are pretty new symptoms, should I see how things progress with time? He will start school in on year.

 

[Lunabelle]

So I'v been thinking not to say anything for now because I don't think my sister would be ready to hear it and because there aren't big problems. I think they will discuss the speech delay with the pediatrician at the next visit. I just wonder about the vaccines, because he is due the last one for a few years at the next visit and I wonder if it could make it worse for him since he is already showing some symptomps.

I know this is starting a whole new conversation, I have always been pro vaccines and my daughter is fully vaccinated I just wonder if there's any truth behind those talks about the vaccines making it worse. If anyone here believes it made it worse to them?

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

As a mom with autism, I guarantee she knows something is off. She might not say it outloud, she may have others telling her it's not what she thinks it is, but she knows.

I knew dd2 had something off at 3 but the doctors said she was too young. 5, same thing. At 7, they were treating the symptoms. Finally at 11, they said autism.
It doesn't change anything from 3 to 11, the treatment was the same.

 

[Lunabelle]

I think you are right in that she knows he has his little quirks of wanting everything the same way all the time, him hitting, pushing and kicking other people etc. But she puts it down to terrible twos and him developping his own will. About the speech delay they say he's just developping at his own speed.

I know she knows her son the best and of course can see all these things, for me the problem is that she doesn't know autism at all. There is a wide range of autism, and I don't think he fits what she and her husband would typically think of autism. Apart from the violence he is a very social boy. I am worried they would completely dismiss the idea because they love and adore their son so much. I think they would first need to find out about autism somehow. My husband also said that if I offend them when they are not ready to hear it, they could completely dismiss the idea even in the future.

Another symptom I noticed today he copies a lot of things that don't really make sence, like when my daughter cried and wanted me to pick her up he did the same and if I hold onto the puzzle pieces so they would use words to get the pieces, he also collects the pieces for himself instead of putting them on the puzzle. He doesn't look if I point at an object, he might look in the direction briefly but doesn't show any interest in it. If my daughter goes and picks up the item that i was pointing at he wants it immediately. In fact he wants every single toy my daughter has and had massive meltdowns when I don't give them to him. So my point is, these are all quite subtle symptoms. I pointed these out to my sister but since she doesn't know about autism she just thought it was funny and he was being silly. I also noticed he did much better on the days we had a clear routine and did the exact same thing the next day. He even wanted us to take our rain jackets off before entering the house even when they weren't wet. He notices things a typical two year old wouldn't - like he needs to have the exact same type of diaper- brand and style.

At the maximum I could say he could benefit from going to a speech therapist before starting school in one year, or say that I have been thinking about one for my daughter (she's still in normal range but on the lower end of normal range for her speech - which is why I looked into autism to close that option out) and see what she says about that.

It is not an easy thing to process that you're child would have autism and he although he would stay the amazing wonderful boy he is now, there is a lot stigma attached to it and I think that's what's holding me back from saying anything to my sister.

Has any of your family members thought of autism before you did and what did they say to you? As parents of children with autism what do you think I could say?

I am also wondering will these pretty mild symptoms at the moment get worse over time?

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

No. No one else thought autism. The only reason I got her tested was another special needs mom said I should. She just said " have you considered she might have autism?" And I got her tested. It made sense so I didnt question or push back. No one else though.

Will the quirks get worse...yes and no. Im not a doctor but without helps in place, it will be difficult for him to navigate and frustrate the parents. Some things may not improve or get worse.

I'm not sure how to advise. It can be touchy. Theres a little boy across the street that has " typical autism"..non verbal, arm flapping, etc. So when the neighbors look at dd2, who doesnt do any of that, I've had them tell her and I, she doesnt have autism. Yes she does. She has a medical diagnosis and the state has found her disabled for autism. Would your sister look at my neighbor and say her son isnt like him so hes fine or would she be open to getting tests to rule it out?

 

[Lunabelle]

I really don't know. They do talk about it a lot and they are finding it quite difficult at times. So like you said, I think they are starting to wonder if it's more than just terrible twos.

I tried speaking to my mum about his funny quirks and she got really offensive saying I was trying to say he was a bit neurotic and she thinks he's a lovely boy and really smart and she hasn't noticed anything like that. She was also saying it's them making him act like that, that they shouldn't pay any attention to it, I was thinking like that too when they first told me about it but in my opinion they are doing exactly what he needs. She doesn't see it from so close so I don't think she understands.

I think I will leave it till at least his 3rd birthday in a few months to see if it's just a stage or something. I'm just so worried they will get very upset with me for suggesting it. She got really upset once when my mum had seen me cut grapes for my daughter and she called my sister saying she needs to cut them too. And this is just such a major thing that I don't know how to go on about it.

We will be spending christmas with them too so maybe I will see after the holidays about how I could bring it up. They have a check up soon so I am hoping they will be offered speech therapy for him and probably the therapist would point it out.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

The speech therapist might bring it up.

My mom doesnt think dd2 has autism, she thinks i baby her.