i think my son's dad is a Sociopath...

[rose.wombwell]

i know this sounds extreme, but ive heard this same thing from quite a few people now.
even my therapist( i now have to see as hes buggered my head up so much...)
he doesnt seem to think in the same way as a normal person, so the normal things such as being able to comunicate are virtualy impossible.
i dont know how im supposed to handle any situation, i cant have any contact with him... he seems to be able to manipulate the most simple of things to make me feel like im going mad...
No emoition he shows seems to be genuine and i dont feel he has any remorse for any of the upset he has caused, and only seems to do any 'nice' thing if there is some kind of personal gain, theres always a alterier motive and he told me on various occasions he was cold but didnt know why, hes obsessed with control.
and is using our son as a way of still holding control over me,
to say this to him or his family would make me sound a bit like ive lost the plot, but im fairly certain....looking back at our entire relationship it seems so obvious, the symptoms of this personality disorder describe him to a T

does anyone else have a sociopathic ex???????

as they dont think like normal people..the normal solutions dont seem to apply/work...

im litterally at my wits end of being made to feel like im going mad just for asking the very basic things required of him, any help would be VERY much appreciated!!!

xxx

 

[Mally01]

Sometimes it helps when you deal with someone like this to not analyse why they behave this way and try not to understand them. Women are very good at trying to get inside peoples heads and wanting to know how they tick but with some people in life there is just no point. Your ex may not have been socialised well as a child or growing up and therefore doesn't process emotions like others do. Some men are very much like this and are not sociopaths, they just don't empathise or 'feel' like others do. My ex has some of these traits but that's because he had a brain injury in a car accident so he has a good excuse to sometimes be a bit distant. I also think that what one person's perception of 'love' is not anothers and hence relationships failing. Your best bet is to accept that he is someone you are not compatible with at all mentally and be aware that most of the time when you ask for things, you won't get it. If you don't expect anything from him at all, you won't get disappointed. Only he can get himself properly diagnosed. I think there are lots of strange, odd people in this world that really should be on medication.......just watch X factor! LOL

 

[mamashakesit]

I'm 95% sure my ex is a sociopath. He lies about absolutely everything...even when the truth would do just fine. He uses everyone for a purpose. Why he chose to use me as the mother of his child, I have yet to figure out. He usually has 3 girlfriends, maybe more. He is quick to explosive anger, feeds of frightening and confusing people and hates when 2 of his worlds collide. Sociopath's MAKE you feel that way because you react. I wish I could told you how to stop, but I haven't figured it out yet. You're right...you feel like you are going mad and like YOU are the insane one.

I just found this blog...I thought it was kind of interesting. This guy has been dealing with sociopaths in his family throughout his whole life.

https://country-of-liars.com/

 

[rose.wombwell]

thanks for the imput guys,
im trying just to get on with things but im finding it really difficult, if i dont agree to every demand he makes he twists thing to make it look like im just getting angry for no reason at all.
it infuriating :'(
i just dont know what to do at all, i feel like just giving up and agreeing with everything just for a easy life... but i know ive got some fight in me.
hes now trying to take me to court even though i havnt stopped him seeing his son.

i wish he'd just leave completely rather then the half arsed attempt of parenting he brings to the table,

im starting to look back and realise our entire relationship was nothing but a sham and a game to him to 'win'

i fear theres more bad times ahead
xxx

 

[Mally01]

If he makes you that concerned hun, especially if he is going to court then log as much information as you can with as much evidence as you can everytime he does something out of order. Maybe log it in a journal, maybe keep / archive messages etc. He may try to make your life a misery but you must not let him do it. For the sake of your little one and their future. It's never a nice thing when someone you trusted turns bad like this but all we can do is be the better and more nobler person about the situation. If he gets aggressive or things go really bad then you can try the route of communication via solicitors or a third party. That way he won't get away with treating you so badly without someone being a witness to it and then this can go against him as far as rights to his child are concerned. I hope things don't get that bad for you though. Stay strong xx

 

[rose.wombwell]

thanks hun
time time be strong, keeo focusing on the future and he fact one day i'll be able to look back as thins alot stronger xx

 

[Angelicous]

Wow Rose, you are so brave to be going through this.

I was in an abusive relationship with a compulsive liar (with hindsight and having read you and mamashakesit's posts, probably a sociopath) for many years. It was hard enough to get away from him and I didn't have any children with him. The games and "winning", the inexplicable way he would think/act/lie, flying off the handle when his "worlds" or lies clashed...

My ex invented family tragedies like there was no tomorrow, he lost 2 mothers to make excuses for outbursts at work (when he worked) and at one point invented an alter-ego called snake who was going to become a serial killer after he found a tacky snake ring in a pawn shop he was destined to have.... :s (Ok, you know, typing it now, for the first time I can really see how ridiculous that is).

When you have to balance being able to escape that emotional vicous circle of trying to deal with somebody like that and then having that person as the FOB, I can only imagine how hard that must be.

I would minimise personal contact with him. Email essential info regarding LO and keep them short and sweet and make sure you keep a copy of them so you can prove you've been reasonable. Just offer him times and places to collect/drop-off children. Maybe get a family member to take LO to the meeting point? Or meet somewhere public like a bus stop/train station.

If he can't get a rise and immediate attention from you (like he does with face to face contact or telephone calls) then he'll have to find somebody else to deal with him, hopefullyl it'll be a therapist rather than another poor woman.

If you can cut down on the interaction time between you two, then you can judge him as a father. If he ends up being rubbish and you feel like wanting to cut him out of you and LO's life than definitely don't feel guilty doing it. After all LO needs a happy healthy you

All the best xxx

 

[Julymom2be]

I'm so glad I found this thread.

My ex is crazy and so is his mother. I think they both are sociopaths. My ex is telling me I used him just to have a baby, which is freaking insane I didn't want kids until I was at least 25. We broke up due to his mother (she's abusive to him) and I didn't want my child around that.

He is now taking me to court for rights to see her. It blows my mind that he is doing that because I have saved texts from him saying he didn't want to see her and she was a mistake. Also, my relative s friends with him on Facebook and he is bashing me and calling me names. He printed them out so maybe I can use them in court.

He makes me feel like I am going nuts. I know the feeling. Major hugs

 

[mamashakesit]

@JulyMom - I have concerns that my daughter's father will try the same thing when I file for child support. He hasn't seen her in 4 months, despite that he's been in close proximity. He has told me he'll make my life miserable if I do file. I've been reading up on sociopaths/psychopaths for a few weeks now. One thing I've read often is to make sure you hire an aggressive attorney and make sure they know you are dealing with a sociopath. Some attorney's will apparently not even handle cases dealing with these types of individuals, so it's important they are advised ahead of time. I would suggest doing some Googling and reading up yourself, so you can come up with concrete examples of why he may be a sociopath...so your aggressive attorney knows the diagnosis is correct and how serious the situation is =)

 

[Julymom2be]

@JulyMom - I have concerns that my daughter's father will try the same thing when I file for child support. He hasn't seen her in 4 months, despite that he's been in close proximity. He has told me he'll make my life miserable if I do file. I've been reading up on sociopaths/psychopaths for a few weeks now. One thing I've read often is to make sure you hire an aggressive attorney and make sure they know you are dealing with a sociopath. Some attorney's will apparently not even handle cases dealing with these types of individuals, so it's important they are advised ahead of time. I would suggest doing some Googling and reading up yourself, so you can come up with concrete examples of why he may be a sociopath...so your aggressive attorney knows the diagnosis is correct and how serious the situation is =)

Thank you so much. I have contacted 3 Attorneys. I never thought to read up about sociopaths. I will also let the attorneys know. Thanks again so much.

 

[Snowball]

i wouldn't say my ex is a sociopath but I could have written your entire post in relation to how my ex acts.

He seems to think the kids are at his convenience and that I should just accept that. If I don't accept that, then he'll manage to manipulate his way around getting me to think he somehow 'deserves' this easy situation he has.

He's also told me I'm crazy (infront of a social worker)... I've heard it's very common for ex partners to try and hide their blame in everything by playing the 'crazy card'. I've also met someone who's ex convinced her so much that she'd gone crazy that she checked herself into the Priory, only to be told 3 days later she was fine.

I actually said to my ex the other day about the fact that in the year he's acted like a nasty piece of work to me and the kids not once when he's said sorry have I thought it was genuine... It's just words to him . If you're sorry for something, like really sorry, you show it. Not say it and then continue on as normal.

Now when it comes to my ex I have to keep in mind that no matter what he does and says, however nice it seems, he's doing it for his own gain. I've gone through a long period of believing that if he wanted to spend time with me/be nice to me, it was because he likes me. Now I know it's because it's benefitted him in some way.

It's quite sick how some people can act really

 

[mamashakesit]

Yes, do read up. It wasn't until I did that I realized that FOB really most likely is one that I finally gave up on him for freaking good...as a father and a partner. When I then read a little more, I realized how scary and damaging they can be...and how they will stop at NOTHING to get their way.

 

[mamashakesit]

This is a great link, BTW:

https://www.lovefraud.com/01_whatsaSociopath/key_symptoms_sociopath.html

 

[rose.wombwell]

thanks for the replies guys xx

itso difficult because when i explain it to some people i can just seem like hes a typical bloke and i start to actually question myslef... "am i exageratting" "oh i spose he wasnt THAT bad" "maybe its the way i reacted"

these are the things that drive me mad!!!

as he hasnt actually been diagnosed with this it isnt something i can really just shout about, but i know he isnt a normal person and hes definitley wired up differently...

if i look into it to much it makes me question wether he should be around my LO at all?!! its clearly a distructive personality even if he isnt a sociopath!!

but yes.. ive cut contact completely now, im going to call csa so tats another bit of his control taken away, and ive been talking to his mum about visits...

i guess in time things will become clearer... but its very frustrating knowing this about someone and seeing this side.. others have yet to see.. so they think hes fine, i want people to know the truth and for him to get what he deserves, you shouldnt be aloud to constantly shit on people!!!!

at some point it'll bbe his turn to get shat on...

xxxx

 

[rose.wombwell]

i also felt a sence of relief in a strange way reading about sociopaths...although it is a horrible thing, it was reasuring for me to be about to relate all these things to him.. i suddenly felt like i'd almost 'seen the light' i'm not actually going crazy, that really did happen and i wasnt exageratting!

its so easy after time goes by you can find yourself, making excuses for them and justifying thigs so they dont seem that bad...

god these people really do get right inside your head!!!

one posisitve from it, is ive learnt so much from this experience...

i now difinitley know what NOT to look out for

xxx

 

[rose.wombwell]

i wouldn't say my ex is a sociopath but I could have written your entire post in relation to how my ex acts.

He seems to think the kids are at his convenience and that I should just accept that. If I don't accept that, then he'll manage to manipulate his way around getting me to think he somehow 'deserves' this easy situation he has.

He's also told me I'm crazy (infront of a social worker)... I've heard it's very common for ex partners to try and hide their blame in everything by playing the 'crazy card'. I've also met someone who's ex convinced her so much that she'd gone crazy that she checked herself into the Priory, only to be told 3 days later she was fine.

I actually said to my ex the other day about the fact that in the year he's acted like a nasty piece of work to me and the kids not once when he's said sorry have I thought it was genuine... It's just words to him . If you're sorry for something, like really sorry, you show it. Not say it and then continue on as normal.

Now when it comes to my ex I have to keep in mind that no matter what he does and says, however nice it seems, he's doing it for his own gain. I've gone through a long period of believing that if he wanted to spend time with me/be nice to me, it was because he likes me. Now I know it's because it's benefitted him in some way.

It's quite sick how some people can act really

this deinitley sounds quite sociopathic....
ive realised throughout doing a course in psycology also it isnt actually normal to not have the basic emoitions that make us human...
all we can say girls is THANK GOD we got out when we did ay!

let them be someone elses problem now

xxx