I want to actually kill myself...

[Marzipan_girl]

I can't feel happy anymore. Everything is so wrong...and I feel constant guilt for feeling this way...
I didn't want to be pregnant. I wanted to spend this summer partying and getting ready for uni. Instead i'm single, alone and getting fatter, spending all day everyday doing NOTHING. Nobody invites me out anymore. And if I DID go clubbing, I can't enjoy myself. I'm so lonely because my boyfriend dumped me. I'm so hurt. He's off with new girls and i'm alone. Guys don't want to be with me because i'm pregnant.
I cry all the time. I can't think straight without crying. There just seems no way out. If it wasn't for the fact that my beautiful angel was dependent on me for life, I would seriously consider killing myself. I don't resent the baby. I want to live for him/her...there just seems no point in living for MYSELF.
I can't deal with it....
I'm so alone. So depressed. I have the whole summer of doing nothing to look forward to. Just thinking about my ex and crying. And thats it.
I know. I'm an ungreatful bitch. Other women would give anything to get pregnant. If I don't feel like this why don't I get it terminated? I should have kept my legs together. I know I KNOW.

But I love my accidental angel. I don't want anything bad to happen to it. I think i'm losing my head...

 

[aob1013]

I seriously suggest you go to your GP asap and contact Samaritans if you have anymore very upsetting thoughts. I don't have much advice for you, but didn't want to read and run. x

 

[booflebump]

I have the whole summer of doing nothing to look forward to. Just thinking about my ex and crying. And thats it.

You have a wonderful new baby to look forward to - you arent going to be missing out on anything because you cant go out drinking, and you will get over your ex. You have hit rock bottom - now you can work your way up again. But please see your GP and discuss how you are feeling

x

 

[polo_princess]

You need to speak to your GP hun and try to get some help

 

[rainbows_x]

Oh hun, speak to your GP huge to you.

 

[Zebra Stars]

i agree with everyone else

 

[samone00]

i think you should see a doctor

 

[AriannasMama]

So sorry you are feeling this way, and I agree to talk to your GP about this, I also agree with booflebump to remember you are going to have a beautiful baby to look forward to! I thought my summer was going to be different too, I will be turning 21 two months before the baby comes (in the states thats when its legal to drink) and I deff cant go out to do that but I am looking much more forward to my little one coming into this world! As for your ex, you will get over him and find someone who loves you and your baby, any man who runs out on his child is not worth your time! Cheer up hun .

 

[AngelzTears]

Aww *big hugs* I felt this way my whole 1st trimester too. I didn't like my life at all, and if it weren't for my little baby relying on my so much I probably would have done something stupid. I think it's a combination of loads of stress with our hormones added on top of it. It's awful. I felt loads better once I got into my 2nd trimester and I had kind of sorted my feelings a little bit better, plus my mood leveled out better. Hope the same happens for you, cause it did get better. =]

Also, just a suggestion, maybe it would help if you made plans for your summer, so you don't feel like you're not doing anything? I have no plans for my summer either really, since I don't have anyone to go with. I go to the movies or go take a nice walk in the sunshine, or just walk around the mall. I'm hoping to plan something more interesting lol, but we'll see if anything actually happens. If you stay active you'll get things off your mind a lot more. Maybe pick up a hobby of some sort, or take like pregnancy yoga classes so you have other girls to relate to around you?

 

[veganmum2be]

awh hun
i too suggest going to gp, when things get so bad that killing yourself is on your mind, its time to get help.
i know to an extent what the lonliness is like, i have no one but my mum that i see regularly, i can go days without hearing another voice or talking. its weird. but i dont really miss what you are missing, so therefore i can see it being harder on you.
do think about getting some help/talking to someone, these days you dont just get thrown in the loony bin when things get so bad you need help, they do actualy try and help and there could be many things to try and lift your mood xxxxx

 

[Marzipan_girl]

Thankyou everyone...my mum forced me to go to my doctor last week because she can't stand seeing me like this. My doc just said there wasn't anything she could do. I used to be on antidepressants but she wont prescribe them now, even though I read they aren't dangerous to the baby. I am looking forward to my baby...but for some reason everything looks so bleak at the moment. My days are long and drawn out without any glimmer of light. And I seem to be permenantly crying. I just wish I had friends to go out with but I don't

 

[samone00]

big hugs

 

[AppleBlossom]

I agree, you need to speak to someone before it gets out of hand x

 

[veganmum2be]

sorry that your gp let you down.
it is the case, some take you seriously, some don't, if you really do want to go down the help route, could you see another gp? they all have different views on things and follow different procedures. some will laugh it off, some will do everything they can.
is there a local group you could go along to? to give yourself an oppertunity to meet new people? xxxx

 

[SugarKisses]

hugs

 

[~RedLily~]

i would see another doctor then there are anti depressants you can have and even a minimum dose will make all the difference or you could talk to a councellor, your dr was wrong to say theres nothing she can do. no one should be left feeling like this. even if it doesnt feel like it things will get better soon and we are always here to talk (i know its not the same as 'real friends').

 

[aob1013]

Just out of interest Marzipan_Girl, do you work? x

 

[xgem27x]

I would suggest talking to your doctor or midwife about how your feeling! Sounds like your having a hard time, and I expect all those pregnancy hormones aren't helping!

If you need something to take your mind off things, why not put your energy into getting things sorted for little one! Buy a few baby things or something, it may help to get you focusing on little one and not your ex!

Your baby is the most important person in your life right now, and when he/she is born, none of what you are feeling now will matter!

It must be scary being pregnant and feeling alone! There are so many single teen mums or expectant mums on here you should talk to!

Do you have family around you to help and support? Is FOB doing anything to help you and the baby out?

I hope things get a bit better for you soon! Keep your chin up, it will all be worth it in the end! xxx

 

[veganmum2be]

anti depressants aren't even the only answer, there are many things doctors and nurses do these days to improve the mood/lives of people who are struggling

 

[Marzipan_girl]

Just out of interest Marzipan_Girl, do you work? x

No i'm at sixth form trying to finish off my A levels, and it does help alot getting myself to school and concentrating on stuff, but I only have a little while longer and I know it's going to get worse. Plus at school my friends have all moved on and aren't interested in me now that i'm pregnant. Most of them didn't see why I was keeping it. I see their pics on facebook of them on holiday over Easter, partying with boys...and they don't invite me anywhere.