I want to give my baby up for adoption

[LuSmith]

I hope nobody here will judge me and I hope I am in the right place to talk about this.

My baby is now nearly eleven months, and I'm from the UK. I don't want to go too deep into my reasons but there is a lot of reasons for feeling the way I do, one being that I suffer from severe depression and that I also am really struggling to bond with my LO. I am still with my partner but since the baby has been born things have been getting worse and I want to make a break from my other half and cannot look after a baby as a single mother. I have no friends, not much family, my mother is all I have and she is 65 and has severe arthritis and high blood pressure, and cannot cope with the baby full time. I would be happy for partner to have baby but my mother is scared she will never get to see him again, and she wants to be able to as its her first and only grandchild. I am also struggling financially and it would be even harder without my partner to cope. I dont also feel my partner is the best person for the baby as he is quite a lazy person but at the same time he loves his child more than anything.

It's difficult mainly because my extended family are the type to look down on me and give me a hard time about this, but they are not the ones struggling to look after him whilst dealing with depression anxiety, and trying to cope as a mother who doesn't even feel like she can be one.

Does anyone have any advice on what would help my situation? I know I can just stay with my partner and bring the baby up but I honestly believe I would be miserable for the rest of my life so I don't know what's for the best.

Help me please? The social services may well be contacting me to help me soon as I've been very depressed lately and they may want to offer 'extra help'. I don't think my feelings on this will change as I have felt this way since the beginning and it's begginning to eat at me, I just want baby to have the best life he can which I can't give him and for him to be so happy.

 

[Eleanor ace]

, sorry you're having such a hard time! I'd definitely recommend speaking to SS about getting extra support, and ask them what your options are regarding adoption, or support in caring for your son. I'm pretty sure that if you do choose to give your son up for adoption your partner will be able to adopt him, unless there are serious concerns about his parenting, whether you want. Hope you're ok

 

[marie22]

yeah as suggested you really need to talk to an SS

 

[angstew]

Hi there! Do you have an update on your situation? If you'd ever want someone to talk to, please let me know. I'm just a mom, like you, desperately trying to figure things out.

 

[louisiana]

how are you dealing with your depression-is it pnd or have you always suffered?
i wouldnt like you to make a decision then feel like you did the wrong thing.

if you wanted to go down the adoption route your partner would have to be in agreement too if he is named on the bc.

im sorry that you feel so bad at the moment

 

[ispeakinsongs]

Try and speak to a social worker at SS, there are also independent places likes PACT where you can get advice on adoption.

 

[justagirl5]

First of all, don't feel bad about wanting to give your child up for adoption. You want your baby to have the best life possible, and if you don't feel that you are capable of giving him that, then there is nothing wrong with trying to find someone who can. And honestly, if you are miserable, your child is going to pick up on that. If you think that staying with the father and raising this baby in spite of your struggles with depression and anxiety is going to make you miserable, then that is not the best situation for your child to be in. Of course, if you do decide that you want to give your baby up for adoption, the father will have legal rights and may be able to take custody. Have you talked to the baby's father about what you're considering? If you aren't both on the same page about it, it's going to be really difficult for you to find a solution that works for everyone. Adoption may be an extreme solution, and you may find that if you were to go through with it that you would regret not being part of your son's life. If the father wants custody, and if he is capable of caring for the child, you could get visitation rights and your mom could even look into grandparents' rights if she's worried about not getting to see her grandchild. It's a big decision, and no one else can tell you what to do, but my best advice is to talk to the father about how you're feeling and try to get help for your own depression and anxiety. You have to be able to take care of yourself before you can take care of another person.

 

[amjon]

They would probably first offer the child to the father or another close family member. Would he be willing to take your child or sign over authorization for non-family adoption?

 

[rosesmummy]

Did a massive comment & didnt realise how old this thread was. Ooops