I want to help my best friend...

[maisiemoo]

But don't know how to. I really hope you don't mind that I post here my friend has had 2 rounds of egg donorship attempts, one last may and october. They both failed and left my friend devastated. Within this time, i've had a baby and another friend of hers has had one in the last couple of weeks. Since october, my friend can hardly bring herself to speak to me and has only recently resumed contact via email and text message only, as she finds hearing about my lo too painful. She can also not bring herself to visit or speak to the friend who has had a baby recently.

I have since learnt via email that she's not speaking to anyone, not even her husband. She doesn't feel that anyone could possibly understand. She told me she feels numb and empty, and pretends to be ok about it. She finds herself crying all the time, with the sadness being all consuming.

I have known this person for 15 years, but we live opposite ends of the country. She has one attempt left and is very scared. This entire situation breaks my heart and I always text, email to let her know im thinking of her and here when she's ready. I'm very worried about her, but not sure how to help make it better x

 

[seoj]

Oh hun, sounds like you are being a great friend. And really, that is all you can do. I do understand her frustrations... trust me... I think a LOT of us on BNB do. With that said, in the past 14 mos we've been TTC... I've watched my Bestie, SIL, Step-sister, co-workers, friends... etc... all become pregnant or have babies. And yes, there are times it just makes my ovaries ache to see what they have... but I would never cut myself off from them. They are all so supportive and wonderful and encouraging... and I certainly need that support, especially now. Plus I just love being around them and their kids... I'm the auntie!!! I'm not saying there aren't moments I just wish it was ME! lol. But I would never begrudge them happiness because I'm struggling... ever.

I can't imagine how frustrating it must be for you to be pushed away when your trying your best to help. But she needs to learn to help herself hun. She really needs the support of her family and friends now, most of all. I'm sorry she's having such a hard time accepting that. I can't imagine specifically what she is going through- I've only just started with IUI myself...

I know it's a hard topic to discuss. And I'm sure she's a bit sensitive about it all right now- maybe she really does feel like no one understands. It can be a lonely road at times... but is there anyone she can reach out to for help? Counseling? Maybe even find a forum such as this? Then maybe she could find others that can relate- and eventually, she'll be able to open up with her close friends...

I wish there was a magic pill we could give our friends when life is such a struggle- one that would just make it all better. But she's a very lucky girl to have someone who cares about her so much. And if you need to remind her of that... then do!!! Just tell her straight up it doesn't matter what she does- your going to be there for her and support her and she has to deal with it. lol. Sometimes our best friends (who know us most) are the ones that can be the most honest with us...

Best of luck to you both hun. I'll keep my fingers crossed for her!!!

 

[J_in_Dubai]

Hi Maisiemoo, I agree with seoj, it sounds like you're doing all you can do at this point to be a great friend. Everyone reacts differently when they are facing infertility and everyone has coping mechanisms they use to get through the day. Some ladies talk about their problems with family and friends, and others blog or go online. I haven't been trying as long as your friend, so I can't imagine how much she's hurting right now, and it may be that her way of coping is to pull away from you and her other friends who have children.

The thing to keep in mind is that she's not rejecting you, it's just so exhausting sometimes to keep jealous feelings away when you're with your friends and their beautiful babies. Texting and emailing is a great thing to do, and I would suggest that you keep letting her know that you are there for her whenever she needs you. If you go on the Resolve website (www.resolve.org) they have lots of advice on how to deal with friends who are experiencing infertility. I know it's a difficult thing to be a friend to someone in the midst of infertility, but your love and support are so important and I hope so much that everything works out for your friend and that you can celebrate some happy news soon.