I wish I could just have friggin answers.

[xAmiixLouisex]

FOB blocked me when I got pregnant. He begged me to have an abortion and when I refused I got some abuse and got blocked. He was a friend, we had a drunken one night stand. Remained friends, until I found out I was pregnant anyway. I've text him numerous times. Sometimes generally nice things. Other times abuse. Other times updates on Jayden. Never a reply. He really doesn't care. Although he's told other people he'll be involved when Jayden's here. I've never heard this from him myself though. One night when I was about 4 months pregnant he text at 1:30am while he was drunk, asking where I was :S and trying to have a casual conversation. It ended on "Just don't worry ok, talk soon". Haven't heard since.

It was his birthday today. I didn't bother saying happy birthday. I decided not to bother attempting contact anymore. I text wishing a happy new year and nothing since. I'm wondering if I should text him when I'm in labour? I plan to text once Jayden's born. To announce that he's here. But tonight I got thinking.. Maybe that's a bit much. Just like WOW.. Big shock. My sons here! So, maybe I should text when I go into labour?. Not sure I could keep my cool if I were to be ignored though.

Also, I'd really like my little boy to have his dads last name. I dunno why, I just think it's traditional. I'd love for him to just tell me if he's ever going to be involved so I know where I stand and at least know my sons surname! or if I'll be putting his fathers name on the birth certificate.

He's going to Spain for 2 weeks on Saturday. Lucky him ay! I've really wound myself up tonight. I hate that, there's a possibility he can just walk in once LO's born and be a dad. While I sit here pregnant for 40 weeks, buying everything, preparing everything. All on my own. Dunno what the point in this thread was. Just needed to let it out. So many things I want to know. But instead, have to wait until the time comes and see if he appears after the birth.

 

[LTEx]

I was in a similar situation hun & unfortunately its only got worse for me. Reguarding not knowing when to text him, i'd text him when you're going into labour. He then has the choice whether he wants to see his son born or not .. He will then never be able to say you didn't let him know you was in labour & it was your fault for him missing it. If he doesn't show up, its his loss. Atleast you would of done everything in your power to try & make him involved

Hope everything manages to sort itself out hun & btw, love the name jayden (my sons called jayden )

 

[bumphenders]

LMAO! Amii, I am not under any circumstances laughing at you or your situation...
But i'm pretty sure you know what I'm about to say...

I could have wrote this aswell!!

I've decided to just let him get on with is, we weren't getting anywhere, and I'm done running after him...It explains it all in my other posts about him, My midwife even told me he isn't worth it if he isn't even bothered about it all.
And how he can say some awful stuff to me.

If you want LO to have his last name, then thats fine and its your choice. Elliot won't have his dads last name for the fact he wont really know his dad and if I have more children in the future I don't want them to have different last names and stuff :/

The way I look at it now is, He knows when Elliot is due, and he has my number, if he gives a shit, he'll be in touch, I'm not gunna run after him no more.

Obviously its your choice, but the way I see it, is if he really gives a shit he will be in touch.

 

[xAmiixLouisex]

LTEx - Thanks for replying, I guess only time will tell. But if he can be such a jerk now, maybe not much will change. Can't imagine him magically becoming this great caring dad after 9 months of being a twat. LOL. Great name choice for your son too lol

bumphenders - Aha. Here we go again. See, I've thought this so many times. He's not worth contacting. If he wants to know he'll get in touch. But then I wind myself up over it and it generally annoys me that he doesn't get in touch! I feel like going to his house and shaking him to death like HELLOOOOOOO you're gonna have a baby! I just really can't understand how on earth someone could just, not care. I mean, even asking out of curiousity. Surely you'd wonder if you just had a kid somewhere that you wasn't involved with. Apparently not. Suppose the next time he'll hear from me is labour. I wish I could see into the future. So much easier :/ lol

 

[bumphenders]

I don't even think I'm gunna get in touch with FOB when Elliot is born, he knows when he is due and he has my number and knows where I live! I don't even give him much of a thought anymore, I don't need him at all, Elliot will have everything, minus the disappointment!

 

[Bumpi]

i've been sat here for a few minutes deciding whether or not to reply to this because I dont want to get slated lol
I could of wrote most of this email too .. I wont write everything because its so long i would bore you silly (if i aint already lol) .. but basically i had a 10 day fling with an ex and ended up pregnant .. i know how he feels about kids (as in he doesnt want them - he told me after the horse had bolted but before i found out I was pregnant and he knows my stance on abortion) .. so when i found out i was pregnant i called him and said to him look I am pregnant but i am only telling you out of common courtesy, i am not going to ask you for anything or expect you to get involved as i know how you feel .. he then took on a woe is me attitude (as per usual) and i was bombarded with texts .. he started saying i planned it all etc (ffs if i was planning it i would not have chose him as father of my baby lol) and ended up with him saying he will be asking for paternity test .. and i replied well you can ask the csa when they get in touch in April (i know i had said i wasnt gonna ask for anything but he pissed me off)
all the above ended when i was about 6/7 weeks pregnant and i didnt hear anything till just after my 12 week scan .. he text and asked if i got dates and if it was healthy (his words) said yep and yep .. he replied fine and we've had no more contact since then (i am now 26+3) .. i have been sat the past few days wondering if i should get in touch, but then i think why the hell should i .. he knows how to email/text/call .. if he give a shit then he would of .. but he hasnt so i am not going to either .. he knows i am having a baby and when baby is due and if he doesnt contact me then he will find out she is a girl and when she was born when the CSA get in touch. and thats what i would say to anyone who's FOB has not bothered through the pregnancy .. they know you are pregnant .. why should you keep chasing them, pandering to their woe is me attitudes .. we are the ones that are carrying their children, we are the ones that are going to give birth, we are the ones that are going to love them with all our hearts and raise them to be the best they can be .. if they want to miss out on that then that is their hard luck.
but thats just me .. everyone has to make decisions that are right for them, or that they think are right for them at the time xxx

 

[bumphenders]

Oooo we're all due within days of each other, and all in the same/similar situation!


ps - Just thought i'd point that out

 

[Bumpi]

Oooo we're all due within days of each other, and all in the same/similar situation!


ps - Just thought i'd point that out

lolol .. my FOB is from your neck of the woods, Boldon .. dont know if you know it .. i dont but its where he is from lmao xx

 

[xAmiixLouisex]

It is weird how we're all due around the same time haha. Must be single mommy season!

We're all deffo better off without I think. I also said I didn't want anything from him. His job isn't paid well anyway so I wont get much. But then I thought, well he is his son. Why should he not pay for him? So I'll be contacting CSA. Not because I need the money, mainly to remind him that whether he likes it or not he IS a dad and has to face up to responsibility one way or another.

 

[Bumpi]

same here Amii .. they need to step up in some way and sometimes thats the only way to get them to realise they have responsibilities .. the FOB concerned here is working, when he doesnt go on the sick .. and the last time we spoke he was looking into going bankrupt, so dont even know if the CSA would be able to help .. but if it makes him think then so be it xx

 

[bumphenders]

Oooo we're all due within days of each other, and all in the same/similar situation!


ps - Just thought i'd point that out

lolol .. my FOB is from your neck of the woods, Boldon .. dont know if you know it .. i dont but its where he is from lmao xx

Ahh yeah, I know where that is, used to work in Boldon!

It is weird how we're all due around the same time haha. Must be single mommy season!

We're all deffo better off without I think. I also said I didn't want anything from him. His job isn't paid well anyway so I wont get much. But then I thought, well he is his son. Why should he not pay for him? So I'll be contacting CSA. Not because I need the money, mainly to remind him that whether he likes it or not he IS a dad and has to face up to responsibility one way or another.

I'm not even going to bother with CSA. He has 2 kids already, and he see's them 2 hours once a week, court have said so, he is still fighting for more access..Not sure why they won't give him more access though!
But thats a diff story - *Come on Jodie, back on track*
Csa - he told them he is a full time student and he cares for a family member so that he only has to pay £5 per week - to be split between however many children he has!!!! He told me he only signed up to college so he could get out of paying more. It would mean £20 between 3 kids - Not worth the hassle tbh!

 

[Bumpi]

i can see what you are saying, Davids 'father' has other children .. David was 5 when i finally plucked up the courage to go to CSA (violent relationship and I had hid 100 miles away) .. at that time he was working and refused to pay so the CSA put a deduction of earnings order on his wages .. he immediately left his job and started claiming JSA .. daft sod didnt realise that David would get 500 from his final pay packet tho mwahahaha .. anyway .. he went on JSA and they said he had to pay £5 per week between David and his other 2 .. i get your point about not worth the hassle, but to me its not the money .. its more showing them they cant plant their seed and dodge their responsibilities .. David's 'father' is now losing out on not only a fantastic son, but his wage at the end of the month .. omg i must sound like such a bitch hahaha xx

 

[bumphenders]

i can see what you are saying, Davids 'father' has other children .. David was 5 when i finally plucked up the courage to go to CSA (violent relationship and I had hid 100 miles away) .. at that time he was working and refused to pay so the CSA put a deduction of earnings order on his wages .. he immediately left his job and started claiming JSA .. daft sod didnt realise that David would get 500 from his final pay packet tho mwahahaha .. anyway .. he went on JSA and they said he had to pay £5 per week between David and his other 2 .. i get your point about not worth the hassle, but to me its not the money .. its more showing them they cant plant their seed and dodge their responsibilities .. David's 'father' is now losing out on not only a fantastic son, but his wage at the end of the month .. omg i must sound like such a bitch hahaha xx

You don't sound like a bitch at all
The way I see it is, if I go to the CSA, elliot would get a tiny amount, that he don't need, FOB wouldn't be any worse off, and it would mean that he still has this constant attachment i'd rather not be there, iykwim?

 

[Bumpi]

i do know what you mean yes . I just wanted to lash out and hurt him (should i be so honest haha) xx

 

[bumphenders]

If Elliots 'Dad' was working then I would do exactly what you have done! I take him for everything I could, just to make him realise what he has done.

 

[Abby_]

I'm in the same situation! Only now has he started to get me down about how I'm doing it all alone. I've got family and friends, but it's not the same. I also think to myself not to text FOB and wait for him, but then I get so angry that he doesn't care. I get replies saying, when am I going to let him be involved? I've never stopped him!!! And then he gets all upset if I'm not all nice to him and just blunt and doesn't talk to me for months.
Are you girls going to put FOB on the birth certificate?

 

[Bumpi]

If Elliots 'Dad' was working then I would do exactly what you have done! I take him for everything I could, just to make him realise what he has done.

glad to hear it lol xx

 

[dustbunny]

I know this sounds hard but I would stop chasing him. At the moment he has the power card with regards to contact and if you are contacting him on a regular basis he will feel no need what so ever to contact or reply as he knows you'll text him with an update. Men are curious by nature because they don't like to think they have been forgotten, they are driven by ego. If you stop contact then his curious mind will wonder why and maybe then he'll get in touch and try and be a bit involved. If he doesn't bother... well you know where you stand and that is completely his loss.
Just because youre carrying his baby that does not make you his personal PA. My FOB says I had to keep him updated... well no... if you're that interested then update yourself. I very much doubt his team in the NBA send him personal game updates or his football team etc etc... so I don't think I have to and I don't think you have to either.
If he knows when you are due then he knows roughly when you'll be going into labour and should be making an effort to know how you and baby are doing. From a personal standpoint I am not telling FOB when I am in labour and am now thinking about whether to tell him after she is born... as he has made sod all effort since I laid it all on the line for him.
At the end of the day you can run after people and try and make them do what you know is the right thing to do but 9 times out of 10 they will do whatever suits them best.

I really don't mean to sound harsh and please don't take offence. You seem like such a lovely person and I don't like reading that FOB is taking the piss.

 

[dustbunny]

I'm in the same situation! Only now has he started to get me down about how I'm doing it all alone. I've got family and friends, but it's not the same. I also think to myself not to text FOB and wait for him, but then I get so angry that he doesn't care. I get replies saying, when am I going to let him be involved? I've never stopped him!!! And then he gets all upset if I'm not all nice to him and just blunt and doesn't talk to me for months.
Are you girls going to put FOB on the birth certificate?

I think we have the same FOB!!!! I laid it all on the line boxing day and since then he has been silent and not bothered so hell no am I putting him on the birth certificate!!!!

 

[bumphenders]

I'm in the same situation! Only now has he started to get me down about how I'm doing it all alone. I've got family and friends, but it's not the same. I also think to myself not to text FOB and wait for him, but then I get so angry that he doesn't care. I get replies saying, when am I going to let him be involved? I've never stopped him!!! And then he gets all upset if I'm not all nice to him and just blunt and doesn't talk to me for months.
Are you girls going to put FOB on the birth certificate?

I'm not. Elliot is taking my last name, and I can't put FOB on the birth certificate unless he is there with me, and I'm not making contact with him anymore.
Even if he does make contact, still don't think i'll put him on, it means he he can have a say in where I live, school Elliot goes to etc. He doesn't deserve that right.