I wish I could just have friggin answers.

[Bumpi]

I'm in the same situation! Only now has he started to get me down about how I'm doing it all alone. I've got family and friends, but it's not the same. I also think to myself not to text FOB and wait for him, but then I get so angry that he doesn't care. I get replies saying, when am I going to let him be involved? I've never stopped him!!! And then he gets all upset if I'm not all nice to him and just blunt and doesn't talk to me for months.
Are you girls going to put FOB on the birth certificate?

i know exactly what you mean about it being hard .. I was living with Davids 'father' for 2 years before I fell pregnant .. I had to end it when i was pregnant (because of his violence) .. David is now 10 and 'father' has emailed and sent messages to me to let me know that he knows where I am (i moved 100 miles away because I was so scared) .. and not once has he asked about David .. and that hurts like hell .. I think to myself he is such a gorgeous little boy, so polite, sensitive, kind, caring .. and you dont give a toss about him .. but then I think to myself its you missing out, not David .. thats the way I am now .. I try not to get upset anymore .. prefer to get all smug thinking look what you are missing you tosspot.
In your situation he is clearly trying to make out that you are the one in the wrong and put all the blame and guilt he is carrying onto you .. and thats not fair .. I would just say to him look if you want to see our child thne get in touch, make plans and stick to them .. if you dont then i aint gonna chase you, then leave it up to him.
oh, and no Sophie's 'father' is not going to be on the birth certificate .. he wont even know she is here till the CSA tell him and that will be weeks after I get her birth certificate xx

 

[xAmiixLouisex]

Abby_ ; At the moment, I can't see him being on the birth certificate. BUT, I do keep my options open. If by some miracle he comes along after birth and decides to be a dad to my son, he'll be on there. But obviously without him being there he can't go on it. So all depends on the situation after I give birth really.

dustbunny ; Nah I'm not taking offence at all. I read your situation and gave you pretty much the same advice. It seems harder following it myself though. His mom knows Jayden's due in April, if she remembers. I've never actually gave him my due date though. But he's probably found out off someone else. Which is another thing, I've deactivated facebook because he seems to get info from somewhere. I've cut off connections with SO many people. Mutual friends of ours really, because I hate to think that if he wanted to know something regarding LO he could find out without having to consult me. So, maybe now he has no sources of information it'll really show his true colours. Even if it is just curiosity he HAS to get in touch with me directly if he wants to know. So, gonna keep that up. Still unsure about texting during labour. I think if I haven't heard anything off him by then I'll not bother. I don't think I can deal with getting ignored when I'm in actual labour.

bumphenders ; I can't actually believe the extremes he's gone to JUST to avoid CSA. What a tight arse twat

 

[Bumpi]

My FOB says I had to keep him updated... well no... if you're that interested then update yourself.

you are spot on in what you said in your reply .. I had to laugh when I read that line about keeping him updated .. my FOB said to me in a text 'keep me informed' i said 'informed of what?' he said 'your progress' .. I said 'it will progress like this: I am pregnant, baby will be born in April' .. stupid tw*t .. if he wants to know anything in the meantime then he knows where i am and what my phone number is lol xx

 

[xAmiixLouisex]

Oh also.. Bumpi, David's dad sounds like a total scumbag. As if he gets in contact to try to make you feel threatened and totally dismiss the fact he has a son. I really dunno why God gave these guys the right to reproduce. But at least you got your beautiful precious son. At least something good came from this asshole.

 

[Abby_]

I agree, if he mans up and act like a father then there is that option. I feel that if you keep all your options open you can say to you LO that you tried everything you could.
Just had a nose on FOB's facebook as I was talking about him. Apparently he is moving away in a few days. Guessing he doesn't want to be involved then!!!

 

[xAmiixLouisex]

I agree, if he mans up and act like a father then there is that option. I feel that if you keep all your options open you can say to you LO that you tried everything you could.
Just had a nose on FOB's facebook as I was talking about him. Apparently he is moving away in a few days. Guessing he doesn't want to be involved then!!!

The things we find out from facebook ay! Less hassle for you then! lol. My FOB just updates about getting drunk all the while. Don't really get much from having a nose on his page. Other than that, he needs a shave and smokes too much weed. His recent photos he looks like a total tramp haha. Thank God I don't have to be seen in public with him these days.

 

[Abby_]

I agree, if he mans up and act like a father then there is that option. I feel that if you keep all your options open you can say to you LO that you tried everything you could.
Just had a nose on FOB's facebook as I was talking about him. Apparently he is moving away in a few days. Guessing he doesn't want to be involved then!!!

The things we find out from facebook ay! Less hassle for you then! lol. My FOB just updates about getting drunk all the while. Don't really get much from having a nose on his page. Other than that, he needs a shave and smokes too much weed. His recent photos he looks like a total tramp haha. Thank God I don't have to be seen in public with him these days.

Haha! Exactly, at least I know where he stands now! Oh dear! Obviously missing you so much has turned him into a lonely tramp!

 

[Bumpi]

Oh also.. Bumpi, David's dad sounds like a total scumbag. As if he gets in contact to try to make you feel threatened and totally dismiss the fact he has a son. I really dunno why God gave these guys the right to reproduce. But at least you got your beautiful precious son. At least something good came from this asshole.

oh he is Amii .. we were both in the TA when we met, and we lived together for 2 years before I ended it for good (xmas eve 2000, i was approx 12 weeks pregnant and he went for me) .. when I had David my friend who was also in the TA stood up in the mess bar after the Tuesday night meeting and said i would just like to announce that 'bumpi' has had a little boy who she is calling David, mother and son both doing well' he then stood up and said 'i'd just like to announce that 'bumpi' is nothing but a slag and the ******* aint mine' .. when she told me I was both devastated and disgusted .. how can anyone talk like that about a baby ?? .. I then bumped into him while I was shopping last year .. it was the first time I have seen him in over 9 years .. I was with a friend and was pushing her baby .. he stopped right in front of me and said oh have you had another one then .. then he ran his finger down my upper arm (i have a big tattoo there now, never had any when I was with him) and said oh nice ink .. I swear I thought I was going to be sick .. I was shaking like a leaf .. he walked off smirking .. my friend had to help me out of the shopping centre because I could hardly walk .. there is no way to explain just how petrified I was .. I know he was just trying to intimidate me, and yes it worked .. I totally went downhill after that and ended up having a bit of a breakdown and was diagnosed with PTSD .. they said it was because i had not dealt with all the violence etc from years earlier, was running on adrenaline for all those years after and that seeing him triggered it all to come out .. I am loads better now (having counselling) .. and only once in the past year have I got upset or started to get scared and that was in april this year .. David suddenly asked out of the blue 'who is my dad, I want to meet him' .. i almost keeled over !! xx

 

[Bumpi]

I agree, if he mans up and act like a father then there is that option. I feel that if you keep all your options open you can say to you LO that you tried everything you could.
Just had a nose on FOB's facebook as I was talking about him. Apparently he is moving away in a few days. Guessing he doesn't want to be involved then!!!

The things we find out from facebook ay! Less hassle for you then! lol. My FOB just updates about getting drunk all the while. Don't really get much from having a nose on his page. Other than that, he needs a shave and smokes too much weed. His recent photos he looks like a total tramp haha. Thank God I don't have to be seen in public with him these days.

Haha! Exactly, at least I know where he stands now! Oh dear! Obviously missing you so much has turned him into a lonely tramp!

that did make me laugh out loud lolol xx

 

[xAmiixLouisex]

Oh also.. Bumpi, David's dad sounds like a total scumbag. As if he gets in contact to try to make you feel threatened and totally dismiss the fact he has a son. I really dunno why God gave these guys the right to reproduce. But at least you got your beautiful precious son. At least something good came from this asshole.

oh he is Amii .. we were both in the TA when we met, and we lived together for 2 years before I ended it for good (xmas eve 2000, i was approx 12 weeks pregnant and he went for me) .. when I had David my friend who was also in the TA stood up in the mess bar after the Tuesday night meeting and said i would just like to announce that 'bumpi' has had a little boy who she is calling David, mother and son both doing well' he then stood up and said 'i'd just like to announce that 'bumpi' is nothing but a slag and the ******* aint mine' .. when she told me I was both devastated and disgusted .. how can anyone talk like that about a baby ?? .. I then bumped into him while I was shopping last year .. it was the first time I have seen him in over 9 years .. I was with a friend and was pushing her baby .. he stopped right in front of me and said oh have you had another one then .. then he ran his finger down my upper arm (i have a big tattoo there now, never had any when I was with him) and said oh nice ink .. I swear I thought I was going to be sick .. I was shaking like a leaf .. he walked off smirking .. my friend had to help me out of the shopping centre because I could hardly walk .. there is no way to explain just how petrified I was .. I know he was just trying to intimidate me, and yes it worked .. I totally went downhill after that and ended up having a bit of a breakdown and was diagnosed with PTSD .. they said it was because i had not dealt with all the violence etc from years earlier, was running on adrenaline for all those years after and that seeing him triggered it all to come out .. I am loads better now (having counselling) .. and only once in the past year have I got upset or started to get scared and that was in april this year .. David suddenly asked out of the blue 'who is my dad, I want to meet him' .. i almost keeled over !! xx

How horrible I'm glad you're better though. What did you tell David? Are you going to tell him the truth once he's old enough? I've thought about this and decided to just be totally honest. I don't want to sugar coat things then Jayden grows up thinking his dad wasn't all that bad and just letting him right in. xx

 

[Bumpi]

How horrible I'm glad you're better though. What did you tell David? Are you going to tell him the truth once he's old enough? I've thought about this and decided to just be totally honest. I don't want to sugar coat things then Jayden grows up thinking his dad wasn't all that bad xx

thanks xx .. i had always said that I didnt want David to ever think anything was his fault, and also that I didnt want to slate his 'father' but also didnt want to sugar coat it too .. I was just going to try to hold off till he was older.
When he asked this year, I just sort of said what was that darling? . he said can I meet him, so i said i am not in touch with him, but can try to find him on facebook tomorrow if you want .. he said yes please .. then asked what he looked like and did i have any photo's .. so i said yes I do I will dig them out for you (had always kept the pics just incase he asked, and we had just moved so everything was in boxes in the garage) .. and he's not mentioned him since so I never brought it up again .. I probably did the wrong thing by ignoring it, but I didnt know what else to do .. i suppose if he asks again i will have to get the pictures out .. as for him meeting 'father' that i dont know about .. i wouldnt know whether to inbox him on fb and tell him David wants to meet him, or to say to David I couldnt find him .. its a tough one xx

 

[judge12]

I do feel sorry for some of these men, you can always say well they should used protection etc but maybe they did and the women didn't either so why does he get no say if he wants the baby?

A one night stand, a man who never wanted children...these men are being forced into fatherhood and being forced into paying for a child they never wanted, all that will happen is that they will resent that child, find a woman who they are in love with and have more children and be a proper father to them.

I don't think it's fair you go after the man for money, if you want the baby then fine but don't act all high and mighty about him not wanting to be involved. I feel bad for the women who had long term partners, then the father gets up and leaves. They are the ones that really been let down by the men.

 

[dustbunny]

I do feel sorry for some of these men, you can always say well they should used protection etc but maybe they did and the women didn't either so why does he get no say if he wants the baby?

A one night stand, a man who never wanted children...these men are being forced into fatherhood and being forced into paying for a child they never wanted, all that will happen is that they will resent that child, find a woman who they are in love with and have more children and be a proper father to them.

I don't think it's fair you go after the man for money, if you want the baby then fine but don't act all high and mighty about him not wanting to be involved. I feel bad for the women who had long term partners, then the father gets up and leaves. They are the ones that really been let down by the men.

Sorry for these men?!?! They are a literal waste of space... everyone when consenting to unprotected sex is consenting to agree to the possibility of becoming a parent. If none of us had stepped up to the mark then none of us would still be on a pregnancy forum.

They are not being forced into fatherhood, they weren't forced into sex. They didn't have a gun held to their head. They have as much responsibility for the outcome of sex as the woman does. Just because a women fell pregnant through a one night stand does not let the guy off of the hook for him to go off a find another women to settle down with.

I don't think anyone is really going after the men for money and not wanting them to be involved too. From my personal circumstances my FOB wanted a baby, actively wanted one and has now fucked right off with his excuses etc and his mother is no better at the blame game.

The only safe way to have sex is to abstain, and boy do men have a good history of abstaining. I don't feel sorry for any of these 'men'... I pity them and I feel sorry for the women who have to shift their lives around.

 

[judge12]

Sorry for these men?!?! They are a literal waste of space... everyone when consenting to unprotected sex is consenting to agree to the possibility of becoming a parent. If none of us had stepped up to the mark then none of us would still be on a pregnancy forum.

They are not being forced into fatherhood, they weren't forced into sex. They didn't have a gun held to their head. They have as much responsibility for the outcome of sex as the woman does. Just because a women fell pregnant through a one night stand does not let the guy off of the hook for him to go off a find another women to settle down with.

I don't think anyone is really going after the men for money and not wanting them to be involved too. From my personal circumstances my FOB wanted a baby, actively wanted one and has now fucked right off with his excuses etc and his mother is no better at the blame game.

The only safe way to have sex is to abstain, and boy do men have a good history of abstaining. I don't feel sorry for any of these 'men'... I pity them and I feel sorry for the women who have to shift their lives around.

I feel for your situation and your fob sounds horrible, he wanted that baby then disowned him/her and I don't feel sorry for men like that.

Women have a choice, think about the woman who have an abortion and how they would feel towards the baby if they were forced to have him/her. Women can have unprotected sex and still choose to not have the baby, men cannot. Men do not have a choice at all, it is the woman body but if the man wasn't in a relationship and didn't want the child, I do not think they should have to pay for the next 18 years.

 

[Abby_]

I can't speak for any of the other girls, but in my situation i never forced the FOB to do anything.
'It takes two to tango' and i take half the blame for what has happened. However once i let him know that i was keeping it and how he didn't want to be involved, i was fine with that and left him to it. A few months into my pregnancy he has said he now wants to be involved and never wanted me to get rid of it. But quickly got bored of the idea and has returned to pretending my and the bump don't exist.
He's left me not knowing what he wants/plans to do and constantly having to plan my future with 'oh what if he is involved'

I think what annoys us girls the most is the indecisiveness of these 'men', if you have sex without protection you should be aware of the outcomes and the chance that the girl you sleep with may want to keep a child if you knock her up.

 

[Bumpi]

I do feel sorry for some of these men, you can always say well they should used protection etc but maybe they did and the women didn't either so why does he get no say if he wants the baby?

A one night stand, a man who never wanted children...these men are being forced into fatherhood and being forced into paying for a child they never wanted, all that will happen is that they will resent that child, find a woman who they are in love with and have more children and be a proper father to them.

I don't think it's fair you go after the man for money, if you want the baby then fine but don't act all high and mighty about him not wanting to be involved. I feel bad for the women who had long term partners, then the father gets up and leaves. They are the ones that really been let down by the men.

Sorry for these men?!?! They are a literal waste of space... everyone when consenting to unprotected sex is consenting to agree to the possibility of becoming a parent. If none of us had stepped up to the mark then none of us would still be on a pregnancy forum.

They are not being forced into fatherhood, they weren't forced into sex. They didn't have a gun held to their head. They have as much responsibility for the outcome of sex as the woman does. Just because a women fell pregnant through a one night stand does not let the guy off of the hook for him to go off a find another women to settle down with.

I don't think anyone is really going after the men for money and not wanting them to be involved too. From my personal circumstances my FOB wanted a baby, actively wanted one and has now fucked right off with his excuses etc and his mother is no better at the blame game.

The only safe way to have sex is to abstain, and boy do men have a good history of abstaining. I don't feel sorry for any of these 'men'... I pity them and I feel sorry for the women who have to shift their lives around.

I feel for your situation and your fob sounds horrible, he wanted that baby then disowned him/her and I don't feel sorry for men like that.

Women have a choice, think about the woman who have an abortion and how they would feel towards the baby if they were forced to have him/her. Women can have unprotected sex and still choose to not have the baby, men cannot. Men do not have a choice at all, it is the woman body but if the man wasn't in a relationship and didn't want the child, I do not think they should have to pay for the next 18 years.

It takes two to make a baby .. me and my ex had a brief fling this year .. after having unprotected sex 3 times he said I dont want children and i know you dont agree with abortion, we should start using something .. neither of us wanted a relationship and it didnt go any further. When I found out I was pregnant I called him and told him but told him I wasnt expecting him to get involved and didnt want anything from him but was just telling him out of common courtesy .. he then started with the woe is me texts etc saying I was the one with the choice and he has no say .. my response was this: choice what choice? you DID have a choice .. your choice was this: to fuck or not to fuck .. to fuck with rubber or to fuck without .. he then said I know your feelings on abortion but at the end of the day you are the one with the choice to go ahead I dont have any say .. so i said to him you DID have a choice, you chose to fuck without a rubber.
As far as I am concerned, and yes I have told him this! .. Its something he is gonna have ot come to terms with just like i am, and when he is about to send his next woe is me text to remember this: I am the one with a baby growing in her belly, I am the one that will give birth and love and care for him/her for the rest of my life!
Fair enough he wasnt in a relationship, and didnt want a child, but why should he not help with the cost of her upbringing after all he was just as responsible as me in making her.

edit to add: yes i know at the start i said i wanted nothing and he could of just walked away .. but then he started getting twatty, so why not get him to face his responsibilities .. maybe it will teach him to be more careful in the future!

 

[bumphenders]

Wow! I am shocked to say the least.
How can you feel sorry for someone who knew fine well what the consequences of having unprotected sex could be?
You can't possibly sit there and be on their side at all, if a man can sleep with a women unprotected then he should stand up to his responsibilities!
I had what you could class as a 1 night stand/were friends with FOB - I then went and took the morning after pill as I was in no way ready for the a child. He didn't use protection, I was the one that went and made sure I took the morning after pill. It didn't work, and her I am 6 month later carrying his child, which wasn't planned.
Now tell me what part is fair that for the next 18 year I have to raise a child (Who I love with all my heart and I wouldn't change things now) while he goes off and lives the next 18 years of his life without the "consequences". He has 2 children already that he see's and stuff, yet my son, isn't 'worth the stress and hassle' (in his words)
Tell me how that isn't a waste of space? Tell me how you can possibly say you feel sorry for that! A waste of oxygen!

As others have said - it takes 2 to tango!
Now I apologise if I have came across as a little abrupt, but your comments have actually really got to me, how its not the mans fault! Of course it is!

 

[Bumpi]

you have not been abrupt at all .. you are spot on xx

 

[bumphenders]

you have not been abrupt at all .. you are spot on xx

Thanks
It baffles me sometimes the way some people look at this. Its not like our children chose to be in this situation.

 

[Bumpi]

no they didnt .. but we will love and care for them and they will know they are very much wanted and loved by us .. i do believe we have enough love inside us for 2 parents .. like its already been said, its the absent fathers loss, not babies and not ours xx