hello!
i am 16 weeks pregnant, of which the pregnancy occurred in one of those drunken moments with my ex who i was with in a tricky relationship for circa 9 months.
for 15 (well 13) weeks i have been going it alone.
neither of us where particularly great during the last couple of months and he has decided that the baby is an exciting thing and he wants to be involved, which is great... having drawn a line under things we have started to discuss the future, with small child.
he has decided that he is not willing to work things out with 'us', which i respect, i want my child to have a father, thus i am willing to work to a point where we have an amicable environment. however, because we do get on really well it is easy to slip into being really good friends and i find this difficult and upsetting as it means we have no clear boundaries and what i want to provide is a family environment for my child, which i believe will only happen if i have no emotional dependance on my ex.
i have mentioned this to my ex, but he seems to ignore it and carry on doing stuff (like texting me a lot, irrelevant stuff, wanting to 'support' me, basically doing or offering to do things that create questionable boundaries) i have said, for the child your support is unlimited, but for me it is displaced.
we have discussed access and i have tried to be clear and fair, for i want my child not to ever suffer or to not have access to thier father due to my problems. i explained to the father that i feel it is important that we create two mini families, in a sense, that there is no 'us' but rather me and child and him and child, to which, he responded with he feels he wants to spend the whole first week at my house, with me and the child.
which i understand, to a point, but i also feel that me and the baby need to acclimatize to being on our own and also, he will leave and frankly that is going to hurt.
so, i guess i just wanted some advise really, it is early days and with the child it will i guess change but opinions are always useful.
i have to apologise for my typos, got hit by a car and am typing with non typing hand due to broken arm.
i am 16 weeks pregnant, of which the pregnancy occurred in one of those drunken moments with my ex who i was with in a tricky relationship for circa 9 months.
for 15 (well 13) weeks i have been going it alone.
neither of us where particularly great during the last couple of months and he has decided that the baby is an exciting thing and he wants to be involved, which is great... having drawn a line under things we have started to discuss the future, with small child.
he has decided that he is not willing to work things out with 'us', which i respect, i want my child to have a father, thus i am willing to work to a point where we have an amicable environment. however, because we do get on really well it is easy to slip into being really good friends and i find this difficult and upsetting as it means we have no clear boundaries and what i want to provide is a family environment for my child, which i believe will only happen if i have no emotional dependance on my ex.
i have mentioned this to my ex, but he seems to ignore it and carry on doing stuff (like texting me a lot, irrelevant stuff, wanting to 'support' me, basically doing or offering to do things that create questionable boundaries) i have said, for the child your support is unlimited, but for me it is displaced.
we have discussed access and i have tried to be clear and fair, for i want my child not to ever suffer or to not have access to thier father due to my problems. i explained to the father that i feel it is important that we create two mini families, in a sense, that there is no 'us' but rather me and child and him and child, to which, he responded with he feels he wants to spend the whole first week at my house, with me and the child.
which i understand, to a point, but i also feel that me and the baby need to acclimatize to being on our own and also, he will leave and frankly that is going to hurt.
so, i guess i just wanted some advise really, it is early days and with the child it will i guess change but opinions are always useful.
i have to apologise for my typos, got hit by a car and am typing with non typing hand due to broken arm.
