IDK where to post this but, I have to talk :(

[mommy2lilmen]

Tomorrow is fathers day, as some of you celebrate it and what not.
My kids have 2 different dads, the older 4 have one and my younger 2 have one. Well my current DH is pretty much the full time dad in ALL my kids lives and I try to make sure my kids, the older 4 recognize their bio dad. But it seems when it comes to fathers day crafts, and the meaning of fathers day and the sentimental meaning...my older 4 don't make or even call their dad EVER for fathers day. Instead they recognize their step dad. I am touched, and bothered at the same time. It hurts that they aren't close to their bio dad and that he doesn't really push to be in their lives. I just don't know how to be, or feel or what. my 4th has made 2 things, but the rest haven't. The rest don't seem to feel the way I do. Is it a boy thing, is it just the way things are supposed to be or?? My current husband has a beautiful card coming from my 3rd son and I am in tears right now cus of it My 4th son who made 2 things for each, havent wrote TO DAD, no, its to ROB..thats his bio dads name, and his stepdad is stu, always here. Why wont he call his dad, dad? I am sorry if this is a pointless thread but I had to release.

 

[smelly07]

i think if your boys are happy thats the main thing, i think its great that they recognise their stepdad on fathers day as after all he is in their lives full time and he obviously means alot to them... its their real dads fault that the situation is how it is and if he hasnt made an effort to be part of their lives then imo he deserves not to be acknowledged and to be called 'ROB' xxxx

 

[Amarna]

I agree with the above. There's really no one to blame here but their bio dad.

 

[mommy2lilmen]

Thank you!
Guess I shouldn't stress..idk. wish life went as we like.
Happy fathers day to your husbands and dads!

 

[mommy2lilmen]

Well fathers day has come and went and guess waht. My boys still have NOT called their dad. Ugh, I wont be upset about it anymore. Cus he didnt even make an effort to call anyways. So sad. But Fathers Day in general went good. My DH got alot of cute stuff from the kids thats so special. I think next year I will make Bryce do something for his daddy since he will be 2 then

 

[mommy2lilmen]

Hi there took me a few days to post back but my ex called, just after I posted my last message. Yelling at me, blaming me, and making me feel horrible. Was swearing. He was clearly drunk. I know how he swears when he is drunk and he stuttered. Upset me to a point that i got depressed. I was told by him to force the kids to call him, but then I asked if I force them would you be happy? He said no they should do it on their own. I said well they didnt, I didnt force them and I am still in the wrong? He refused to yell at them cus he doesnt want them hatinghim any further than I have caused. I HAVE CAUSED??? OMG! ? ! I told him I did not cause this. I said YOU DID. He said how. I am in their lives. I said no, Stu is . He said I chose to move. UMMM NO I have been here for MANY YEARS. He has moved around 11 times in 5 years 11 TIMES. He has finally settled in with this chick and now im the bad person. Siad Im unstable and more. I know he is saying this cus hes insecure of what he has casued and its not me hes blaming it is himself but he is verbally blaming me. If that makes sense. I just dont know what to do. He also cancelled on his folowing wekeend then got upset I put our oldest in summer school and he wont see him. I said for the first 5 weeks of summer you wont see the kids cus your going away, our oldest is in summer schoolf or 4 weeks of that, so why wont you see him? He said cus. I said your chosing not to see them not me. I am fed up of him rearranging the kids schedule to suit him. Then hes going camping for 10 days and justfies taking 1 kid for all 4 of them. I said no thats not your weekend. He said take it or leave it. I lastly said, now with how you planend out my next 10 weeks and dctated things you can not tell me I STOPPED THE KIDS AND YOU. he got mad called me a C*** and a B**** and hung up while proceeding to threaten to kill me. I cant call the cops of this cus they transfer me to family courts, total crap!
Anyways, fathers day is come and gone. now I dont have to hear from himf or a while. but its still my fault GRRRR

 

[mommy43]

tbh its not your fault its HIS if he was more involved the kids would take it upon them selves to want to call or make him things
kids see things a bit differently n yes they know hes their bio dad but hes obviously not the influence in their lives they made things for the person who is
thats in no way your fault he should of made sure he was a constant influence not just expect the nice fathers day gifts he cant just be a father on fathers day
as the saying goes any man can father a child but it takes a real man to be a dad n kids prove the sayings true so many times mine included
n no u shouldnt rearrange you kids shedule being a parent you do sacrifice your own time to work around activities ect its part of being a parent so why should he be different

 

[seoj]

At that age- kids want to put "labels" on people. My besties son asked her, after she re-married, if that meant her new hubby was now his Dad and his bio Dad was now his step-dad... lol. He didn't really get it ya know? But his bio Dad has never really made any effort to be a "real Dad" to him. Period. And that is not anyone's fault but his own. As a parent, it's YOUR job to step up and BE a parent. Whether biologically or not. And a step-father can be more of a father at times.

I'm more of a Mom to my step-daughter than her bio Mom will ever be. I'm there full time and we have such a close bond... and for her, she is more the "mom" with her own bio mom. So she knows who to come to when she needs advise... as she knows her mom doesn't make good decisions. It's unfortunate- but there is nothing I can do about that. I can't make her mom step up. I just have to do what is best for my child. Period.

It's unfortunate your boys don't have a closer bond with their bio Dad- but really, it sounds like they have an amazing step-Dad and a great relationship with him. So that is wonderful for them. They'll figure out their relationship with their bio Dad more as they grow...

Best of luck!!!

 

[mommy2lilmen]

Thank you girls
I guess I had a different expectation of how things would be with or without my kids dad. I know its not my fault, but it is made to me that it is at times.
Again thank you

 

[Narla83]

Urgg, he sounds such an ar**!!

I think as long as your children have that choice there to see/phone him if they want then your doing a great job hun. At least when they get older they'll be able to look back and see it was him who was being unreasonable.

Sounds like you have a great DH now and who is a much better role-model for them than their father.

One thing that I will say is to try not to blame yourself for this, your a great mum and thats why your getting so upset by all this.

 

[Annamor]

I do understand you, hard to accept your kids dont love their dad. but dont blame it on the kids.

I'm sure they dont feel the connection to their dad because, hi not is a "real" dad to them. So blame their dad, hi should do more to make his kids love him...

And at last, nothing you can do about it, except accept the situation.

 

[mommy2lilmen]

I do understand you, hard to accept your kids dont love their dad. but dont blame it on the kids.

I'm sure they dont feel the connection to their dad because, hi not is a "real" dad to them. So blame their dad, hi should do more to make his kids love him...

And at last, nothing you can do about it, except accept the situation.

I am learning slowly over the past 5 years to accept it. Its hard cus I had so much more for them than this. But I guess this is what is.