If it were your last child, would you wait longer?

[hello_kitty]

Hi ladies, I have 2 sons aged 2 and 4 months. We are planning to try again towards the end of next year. If we are blessed with a little girl next, dh wants her to be our last. If we have another boy we'll try again one last time. Either way we will end up with 3-4 children max.

I love our kids to have a close age gap. our two boys are 20 months apart. It is hard right now, but I love the idea of them growing up together.

Something about having a possible last child is bittersweet though. Its like I am closing a chapter in my life. I want to make the best out of my last pregnancy and really enjoy those baby moments kind of like having a first baby again. I know that to make it possible I would have to wait until my kids are older and in school..but problem is I dont know if the next baby would be a girl or not.

So I was wondering, if you knew that your next baby would be your last, would you spread the age gap or would you still have them closer together. I know some women like a bigger age gap anyways so this probably wont pertain to them. Thanks

 

[Ganton]

I have 2 boys, also 20 months apart. We would like a third, and that will be our last regardless of whether it's a boy or a girl. Like you, I'm torn between keeping all 3 close in age and waiting so I can really savour my last pregnancy and newborn. I think we've decided to go for a short gap again though as that is probably what would work best for our family in the long term. It'll be hard with 2 other young boys but I think I can still enjoy it

 

[hello_kitty]

I have 2 boys, also 20 months apart. We would like a third, and that will be our last regardless of whether it's a boy or a girl. Like you, I'm torn between keeping all 3 close in age and waiting so I can really savour my last pregnancy and newborn. I think we've decided to go for a short gap again though as that is probably what would work best for our family in the long term. It'll be hard with 2 other young boys but I think I can still enjoy it

Its such a bitter sweet feeling isnt it? We all have to stop at some point though. Honestly, I think 3 is plenty for us, its just having to face the fact that I will be done having babies makes me kinda sad.

 

[RaspberryK]

I don't have this situation since I've decided this one in pregnant with will be our last.

We have ended up with a larger gap than initially planned and I think you can make anything work. Things that would've been nice with a smaller gap would have been ds would still be napping regularly, being pregnant and dealing with a toddler all day so you cannot rest is hard.
On the plus side he will get 15 hours a week nursery paid for by the government as of January, so that will be great when the baby comes.
He is completely potty trained, doesn't sleep in a cot and can do so many things by himself that he couldn't do before.

Things to consider might be your age - if you are planning possibly 2 more.

If you will need to move home and finances.

If you will mind being out of the workplace for example until your children are all at school or you don't have to pay for all of them to be childminded.

It's such a completely personal thing and of course there's never the right time in reality.

Xx

 

[ottergirl]

I would spread it out! Rosalie was supposed to be our last, but we got pregnant sort of on accident way before we meant to. The whole thing was very rushed and busy. I was a full-time student, our two kids were little toddlers, and while it was lovely and wonderful, I felt like I couldn't take the time to really appreciate her pregnancy and newborn days.

Now I'm left with this void in my heart. I want another, and DH has agreed to it. But we're taking our time this time! We're being careful, planning ahead, and making steps so that I can really, fully enjoy this last pregnancy before we say goodbye to pregnancy and newborns and all that sweetness.

 

[hello_kitty]

I would spread it out! Rosalie was supposed to be our last, but we got pregnant sort of on accident way before we meant to. The whole thing was very rushed and busy. I was a full-time student, our two kids were little toddlers, and while it was lovely and wonderful, I felt like I couldn't take the time to really appreciate her pregnancy and newborn days.

Now I'm left with this void in my heart. I want another, and DH has agreed to it. But we're taking our time this time! We're being careful, planning ahead, and making steps so that I can really, fully enjoy this last pregnancy before we say goodbye to pregnancy and newborns and all that sweetness.

Exactly what I have been fearing...having a void in my heart because I cant enjoy my last pregnancy. Since you have been there, done that and talking from experience I think I will wait a little longer.

Thanks everyone for sharing!

 

[MummaMoo]

If we're lucky enough to have another baby, this will be our last. Sophie is 9months now, we won't start trying until January and we have it in our minds that it will probably take a while. We're in our mid-30's and so don't feel like we CAN leave it too long, physically.
Plus we don't want too big an age gap, although the 15hours free childcare for Sophie would have come in very useful for "Baby&Me-time"

 

[sailorsgirl]

I have a boy and a girl 14 months apart. We originally wanted a small age gap and I fell pregnant again when my youngest was almost a year old, unfortunately I lost the baby and another following that. Having those losses has really opened my eyes to how much I am enjoying having just the two right now. When I do have my next and final baby I want to be able to devote my time to it and so we decided to stop trying (hubby is also deployed so makes ttc difficult/impossible anyway) and wait until my eldest is in school full time and my son is at Pre school 15 hours a week.
As much as I wanted a smaller age gap again, I am grateful that fate stepped in as my two (a 3 and almost 2 year old) are quite demanding at the moment especially with hubby's job too.

I love the small age gap between my two though.

Xxx

 

[Missy08]

Hello_Kitty,

I feel the same as you...it's always been kind of a strange feeling to me...I want to be pregnant, but at the same time, I know this next will probably be our last, so I almost want to wait and just keep having the feeling that I know we're planning on having another one at some point in the future.

We currently have 2 DD's (almost 6 years and 15 months), so we already have a pretty good size age gap between our girls. It has worked well for us and we'll probably have about the same age gap between DD2 and our 3rd.

 

[hello_kitty]

TBH though the only thing holding me back from waiting is that if I waited til ds1 is in school full time (6 years) and ds2 in preschool (4 years)...that will be 4 years down the road. I will definitely get more one on one time with new baby than I do now, but I also dont want her (will be our last if its a girl if not another try) to be singled out when the two boys are playing together because of the age gap. I am assuming they will have different interests at that time. Since ds1 will be in 1st grade he'll most likely make friends and have play dates or at least he'll play with ds2.

 

[tverb84]

I don't have children yet but I hope to have at least 2 or three years in between them. Two of my cousins who are about 15 months apart are really close to each other. I don't want too much of an age gap between my future children but at the same time I don't want them to be too close in age.

 

[Eleanor ace]

Our next (if we have another) will be our last and we will probably aim for a 3 year age gap between number 2 and 3. There is 21 months between DS and DD and I love it, but one of the big reasons I want a 3 year gap is so that I can savour the pregnancy and baby days, and it won't be over so soon. I really missed that 1:1 time I had with DS as a baby when we had DD, as well as being able to grab the odd nap after a sleepless night! I'm hoping that 3 years will be enough to give me 1:1 time with number 3,while DS is at school and DD is at nursery for her 15 hours,but be small enough that they can still all play together.

 

[Amy2701]

We have one of each, and I'm currently 11 weeks pregnant with #3. We know for sure this is our last. There is a small gap between our first two - 13 months, so having another so soon was something I went back and forth about for a few months. I felt like I wanted to put it off for as long as I could just so I hadnt had my very last BFP or been to my very last 12 week scan yet.

Now that we are expecting our final baby I'm reluctant to announce it. We had a scan last week, and I was a week and a half less than we thought. I was relieved that we could keep it to ourselves for a bit longer. My next scan is 27th November, when I'll be almost 14 weeks - and I don't want to even announce after that. I like that it's just our news and no-one else knows about it yet (our parents and sisters/brothers know, but it's not public knowledge - no FB announcement). With my last two pregnancies I've been so excited to tell everyone, but I want to keep this just between my family for as long as I can.

 

[hello_kitty]

I dont think I have the option to wait anymore...I need to have my third by the time my second is 3 years (so get pregnant when my second is around 2ish). I decided to go back to school to finish my degree. Rather be done having kids than get pregnant while I am going to school. At least ds1 will at least be in preschool.