im back :( second 2nd tri loss

[parky]

hi everyone

although i am not a big poster, i did come onto this section of the forum just before christmas when we lost our baby girl after an amnio at 18 weeks. We were lucky to get pregnant again reasonably quickly and i was due on christmas day however on friday i had bleeding and went into hospital for a scan which showed the baby probably died a week ago ( i was supposed to be 16 weeks) I started having contractions and our baby was delivered at about 4.30 the same day.

I dont know if anyone has experienced 2 second tri losses and can help me make sense of how im feeling. the thing is i feel totally blank. last time i was devestated, i came home feeling real grief and loss of a child but this time i feel blank, nothing! i feel awful and the only time i have cried was when the sonographer told us the baby was dead and then this morning because i feel guilty for not being upset. I dont know if its because i was gaurded through this pregnancy because of last time, or because it was earlier or because last time we were riddled with guilt for having the amnio or because this time we did not see the baby as it was small and not in great condition where as last time we saw our little girl.

i just feel like there is something wrong with me, everyone keeps messaging me saying how sorry they are and how devestating it must feel to go through this again but it just seems to go over my head.

whats wrong with me?

 

[lizlemon]

Sending you a massive hug - I have only lost one little one, so can't comment but I am definately more guarded this time, so I think you might be protecting yourself. I'm sure this is normal and at some point it will hit....... Much love and hugs xxxx

 

[candy808]

I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you are still in shock and that is normal when you grieve.

 

[yellowyamyam]

I've had two. Well, not sure if my 2nd miscarriage is considered to be mid trimester... I was 13 weeks 5 days then.

Like you, we lost our baby boy in Dec 2011. I conceived right after without a cycle in between. I had a vaginal cerclage surgery due to suspect incompetent cervix but miscarried 5 days (20 May 2012) after the surgery. Fetus was still doing fine when I went to A&E due to bleeding.

I can sort of relate to the "blankness" you are feeling. My blankness was/is like feeling dead and hopeless. I just started feeling human again but I still find myself carrying on life like a robot. I separated myself from the world ie my family and friends this time because I just didn't want to hear anything they have to say... how sorry they are, etc. Even now, the moment anyone brings it up, I shut down. I can talk about anything else but my miscarriages, family, babies, children, how this person's kid is doing, how that person's children are. My mind shuts off and I would go blank.

I don't know how normal I am but that is how I am coping, I guess.

I'm sorry about your loss. I feel your pain...

 

[Andypanda6570]

My heart is totally broken for you, I am so so deeply sorry

I lost my Ava at 20 weeks and I can't even imagine loosing another one, I just am still not over Ava and it's been 16 months . I reall think it did not hit you yet and right now your mind is taken over and trying to protect your heart I just can't imagine.. If you ever need to talk or need a friend I am always here.... XOOXOXO Andrea

 

[avapopsmum]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my little boy nearly 2 weeks ago and have experienced the complete numbness and almost being on autopilot doing the housework, getting my dd to school etc, that i think is part of the shock of the whole thing. I still have my moments where I break down but everybody copes with things differently. Don't be hard on yourself. I can't imagine going through this twice, my heart goes out to you.

 

[Zaki]

i am so sorry for your losses
sending you big hug and lots of love.

 

[mhazzab]

Hiya...I'm so sorry you have had to come back in here and share a second loss, this is so unfair.

There's nothing wrong with you for feeling numb to this...I think sometimes the body / mind just switches off to pain to protect you.

My dad died last year not long after I lost my twins. (Please don't think I am comparing losing him to you losing a second child, I know it is different). But, when my mum died 5 years ago, I was devastated, broken for months. When dad died, I cried a little but that was it. For weeks afterwards I couldn't work out what was wrong with me - why wasn't I more upset? I think maybe I had just become numb to the pain and couldn't take any more. It doesn't mean there was anything wrong with me, or that I didn't love him. It just is what it is. I fully expected to break down at some point, as I thought maybe I was bottling up my grief, but it never happened.

just deal with this in whatever way you can, and try not to worry about what's normal.

sending you so much love, to you and your angels. xxx

 

[Jox]

im so very sorry x

 

[nicksi27]

Im so sorry for your losses - how totally heartbreaking. I think that you are in shock and that after the tragedy of losing your daughter, you have been protecting yourself in case something similar happened again. Sending you and your two little angels lots of love xxx

 

[SassyLou]

So sorry

 

[parky]

thanks everyone for your lovely messages of support. almost 3 weeks on and i am still numb to it all, i think perhaps im just not allowing it all in and probably wont. i feel a bit like i am on a hideous baby making conveyor belt... get pregnant....loose a baby....get pregnant....loose a baby..... sounds awful but its how i feel, i even plan my year ahead now including a loss every 6 months but i still have hope that we will get to bring a baby home again one day and i just know thats going to feel sooooooo amazing when it does happen

 

[everthingX]

Oh bless you hun. there is nothing wrong with you you've shut down its your way of coping.

My god you've been thru hell, can life really be that cruel. you will get there hun and you will never forget your babies, but one day when you have that baby in your arms smiling back at you you may be able to heal some of this journey. Please hang in there and keep fighting for that dream...you will get there sweet.

 

[dizzy65]

 

[nicksi27]

Oh bless you hun. there is nothing wrong with you you've shut down its your way of coping.

My god you've been thru hell, can life really be that cruel. you will get there hun and you will never forget your babies, but one day when you have that baby in your arms smiling back at you you may be able to heal some of this journey. Please hang in there and keep fighting for that dream...you will get there sweet.

That's lovely

 

[parky]

Oh bless you hun. there is nothing wrong with you you've shut down its your way of coping.

My god you've been thru hell, can life really be that cruel. you will get there hun and you will never forget your babies, but one day when you have that baby in your arms smiling back at you you may be able to heal some of this journey. Please hang in there and keep fighting for that dream...you will get there sweet.

That's lovely

Thank you - your message was very sweet