im emotionally detached from my pregnancy because im too scared of getting hurt again

Discussion in 'Pregnancy After A Loss' started by Mrs_X, May 31, 2011.

  1. Mrs_X

    Mrs_X New Mummy :)

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    title says it all :(
    i was so devestated at my last miscarriage, i have emotionally detached myself from this pregnancy.
    i have a scan tomorrow at the EPAU (im 9 weeks), my midwife recommended me going after me telling her how i felt.
    im going in prepared for the worst. im going in to expect to hear i have had a blightum ovum again and to have a D&C on friday.
    its so wrong that i feel like this, but i cant go through all the hurt and grieve again, i really really cant. if i was excited, it would hurt me more like it did last time.
    im a weirdo, i have wished from 14 months of TTC to be where i am now; but im so depressed and worried :(
    sarah xxx
     
  2. catcatcat

    catcatcat Well-Known Member

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    I read that blighted ovums are usually a once in a lifetime thing. Im very scared to have a scan after an early mmc. I cant see how i will lie down for scan without freaking out. Im sure u will be fine and baby get loads of pictures u will b over the moon. But i will say i totally understand how u feel as i do too. X chin up
     
  3. Mrs_X

    Mrs_X New Mummy :)

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    thank you :). im trying to look at that if there is no blightum ovum, i will be very emotional but in a good way :).
     
  4. cupcakemomma

    cupcakemomma Finally have our miracle!

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    I know exactly what you mean. My first pregnancy was a blighted ovum, so when I got pregnant again, I was terrified. I was the same as you, very distanced from the whole thing. I wasn't positive at all. Turns out it was an ectopic pregnancy, so I (obviously) lost that baby too. And let me tell you - I SO regret it. I am so upset with myself that I didn't enjoy any of the 7 weeks I had with my precious baby. I took that miscarriage a million times worse than the first one. Anyhow, when I became pregnant this 3rd time, I was determined to be positive this time, no matter what. Thankfully, everything is looking good. I'm not one of those people who believe in "the power of positive thinking" or whatever, I'm just saying that I don't want you to have any regrets, like I do. Please enjoy all the time you have with this baby, hopefully the rest of your lifetime :) Praying you have a H&H 9 months, and that everything will be okay!
     
  5. MrsAgar

    MrsAgar Mom of 1 baby boy

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    I have felt the same way throughout my pregnancy. Some days are good and some days are bad. I love this baby so much I don't know what I would do if something were to happen. I don't think we will ever stop worrying but every healthy scan we see, heartbeat we hear and especially when we give birth we will be that much more excited! And we will be great parents! I know it's a long nine months but it will be so worth it when you hold your little one in your arms.
     
  6. kileyjo9

    kileyjo9 Well-Known Member

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    i know exactly how you feel. I am trying not to get excited at all until i have my ultrasound next monday, and even after that i will not feel in the clear at all because i lost my last baby at 16 weeks, i have 9.5 more weeks until i can feel happy about this pregnancy.

    Hugs
    Kiley
     
  7. claus81

    claus81 Well-Known Member

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    Mrs_X how was your appt? I hope everything went well :)

    xoxo
     
  8. Mrs_X

    Mrs_X New Mummy :)

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    it went very well :). my beany is 7 weeks 3 days, and i saw beanys little heart pumping away :D
    seeing beanys heart was the most amazing thing i hae every witnessed. it made me cry, but it was a happy cry!
    i got 2 pictures and i cant stop looking at them :cloud9:
    sarah xxx
     
  9. claus81

    claus81 Well-Known Member

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    Awww that's amazing :) Enjoy your pregnancy and your little beany :)

    So happy for you!!!!!
     
  10. sham1

    sham1 Well-Known Member

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    Hi there, just wanted to pass by and say don't feel bad at all. Its very common.

    Ive had 2 losses, one at 20 weeks and one at 8 weeks. I'm now almost 22 weeks along only just now starting to bond but to be honest will be cautious all the way through. It's a nice feeling when you do start to enjoy it though but it's not your fault that you're wary too. Sometimes those who have never had a loss will not understand this. I'm wishing you all the best this time around xx
     
  11. Mrs_X

    Mrs_X New Mummy :)

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    you have summed it up in one here! altho i am strarting to enjoy my beany, i am still very cautious and wary.
    sarah xxx
     
  12. fides

    fides Well-Known Member

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    MrsX, so glad you had such a great scan!

    i go back and forth with being detached and getting my hopes up - i hope that you truly do enjoy this pregnany, and that the worries melt away for you. :cloud9:
     
  13. Mrs_X

    Mrs_X New Mummy :)

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    heres the picture of my beany :)
    https://i55.tinypic.com/281c109.jpg
     
  14. JohnsPrincess

    JohnsPrincess Well-Known Member

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    I feel the same way. I am Trying to be happy because it's not fair to this baby, but it's SO hard. I'm afraid of letting my guard down and being heartbroken again. I also had a blighted ovum and I'm terrified of another. I actually went out and got a couple pregnancy journals yesterday but thus far have been unable to start them. I just want to get to my first appt (which I can't even schedule yet) and see this baby...and see that it's okay.
     
  15. sham1

    sham1 Well-Known Member

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    Lovely to see your scans xx
     

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