I'm new! would love some advice...

[Jemma]

Hi everyone!

I recently turned 25 and it was almost as if a switch was flicked and broodiness was turned to 'on'! Suddenly it seems to be all I can think about.

Im in a very stable and happy relationship - we've been together since we were 16 - although split up for 3 years while we both went to separate universities and went travelling separately. Since getting back together 3 years ago our relationship has gone from strength to strength.. I know he does want kids - but to him it's something that will happen sometime in the distant future, i've told him I want children before Im 30 but the reality is I think I want them sooner. We both have good jobs but he is keen to leave his to go back to university to study furniture design.. this will take 3 years then who knows how long before he establishes his own business etc!

I feel torn - on one hand I want him to fufill his career dreams - he has said that if i got pregnant he'd feel trapped in his current job. On the other hand - having a family is the most important thing I feel I can do! (I have a good job but have never been career minded).

Sometimes my broodiness threatens to overwhelm me and I have irrational thoughts about stopping taking my pills and not telling him. This scares me as I know that would be the worst idea ever and could possibly even ruin our relationship. At the same time i dont know how to persuade him there will never be a 'right' time to have a baby!!

Sorry for the long winded e-mail. Has anyone been in a similar situation/ had similar thoughts?? any advice much appreciated!! Thank you....

 

[nicola647]

Hey Jemma

i have been in a relationship where my BF didnt want a baby, so we parted ways. work was very important to him, more important than Family, i was 21.

Now im 25 due to turn 26 this Dec, and me and my gorgeous Fiance have been TTC for coming up 10months,

so i guess, it paid off for me to be in a relationship with someone who wants to be a daddy as much as i wanna be a mummy.

but, u have to decide yourself hunny xx

 

[magicvw]

Hi Jenna and welcome to BnB! I have been with my OH since we were both 19. We are now 34 (gulp!). I started getting broody when I was about 24 I suppose and starting hassling OH about getting married cos I'm an old fashioned girl at a heart! We were having lots of fun travelling around Europe and living in lots of different countries and it seemed impossible to combine that life-style with kids. I often thought about jacking in the lilfe-style/OH and looking for a bloke who would provide the necessary, but I knew it was the wrong thing to do. We finally got married at 30 and had no1 when i was 32. I'm sure you wouldn't have to wait that long! Good luck with whatever you decide! xxx

 

[Nathyrra]

Hey =)

Goodness! you're situation almost mirrors my own! I just turned 25 too and only in January I started obsessing! I wasn't even sure I wanted children before that. Now it's all I think/live/dream/breathe about. It's rather scary when it just creeps up on you. You start to have emotions you wouldn't usually have. I have also had thoughts about coming off the pill and not telling my Husband in my darkest moments, I am not proud to admit. Eventually I just became so obsessed we reached a compromise, doesn't stop me from being impatient anyway!

I know when I first started feeling this way I felt very isolated, didn't know what to tell my husband, didn't know how to deal with my new mood swings/emotions. Eventually we just had to seriously sit down and talk about it. You're in a relationship after all so it's about compromise, If this is a new thing that's crept up on you, it may take some time for him to adjust to the prospect of doing things sooner rather than later-like with my Husband. I don't really know how to advise because I feel like I'm struggling with the same kind of maternal emotions right now also. Sometimes though it's nice to know you aren't crazy and you aren't alone!

Good luck =)

 

[Jemma]

Thanks very much for the comments everyone! people on this board seem v. friendly and never judgemental which is good!

I think your right though - I need to talk to my boyf about how im feeling just be honest.. hopefully theres a kind of compromise that can be reached.. I want him to be as excited a s me when we finally do decide to try!!

 

[Jewels]

Hi Jemma, welcome!

I know exactly how you're feeling. I've had what my DH calls "baby fever" for about the past three years. I'm now 29 and I've finally talked him into trying in a few months.

I think in some cases it takes guys a little longer. Over the past few years, my DH kept telling me we can have kids at some point, but there was always something going on - i.e. him/us being selfish (wanting to still be able to sleep in, buy toys, etc.), him being unhappy with his job, and then the money / wanting to be more financially secure issue.

Now he's finally gotten past all of that because he knows I don't want to wait any longer. Nobody can say they're ever 100% ready for a baby, and I think I finally got him to realize that.

Your OH will come around, it just takes time unfortunately. Hang in there!

 

[magicvw]

I think in some cases it takes guys a little longer. Over the past few years, my DH kept telling me we can have kids at some point, but there was always something going on

Oh my - that rings true with me!!!! I got so tired of hearing the "we will at some point" song.

What are blokes so scared of these days!?

 

[Alchemist]

this is all so familiar too. I am 33 (having been with DH for 5 years, married for 2). It also switched on after the wedding and for 2 years its been nothing short of increasing pain for both of us (although much more for me as it occupied my thoughts all the time). anyways, we went to councelling and worked through the reasons we were both being stubborn.

so, maybe its a good route to go if things get heated but i warn you, it will bring up lots of things which you may not have confronted before and its a lot of hard work. but worth it in the end.......

 

[Coral]

Thats the problem there is never a "right" time to start ttc.

My hubby and I were both in demanding jobs, working 14 hour days etc - but we did it so we could sell up in the UK and move to France, which we did last year. Now we spend our days renovating our property, and are also looking at starting a very large business next year - not really the best time to start ttc.

However I still came off the pill in March this year, as for us there will never be the right time, as there are always 101 things to be done, it is of course a joint decision, however Im slightly more obsessed about it than he is!

Im 34 and hubby is 40 (he has 2 children already from previous marriage). Some couples have been trying for 2 years + to conceive, so Im a firm believer if you are ready then go for it - it may not happen for a long time, or there may be problems which means it takes even longer!!

I think men need to be talked to in a way where they dont feel pressured into it, otherwise you dont stand a hope in hell of getting a positive outcome!

 

[Sambatiki]

Hi there,

If you waited for the perfect time to have a baby you'd be waiting FOREVER!! LOL You should defo let him know how you feel. I fell preg last month (unplanned) DF and I live an hours drive away from each other. But we realised that we could find somewhere to live etc and make it work. Unfortantley we lost our LO two weeks ago. Obviously not our time just yet.
Hope it all works out for you both!
Kerry