I'm not a statistic - mini rant

[Peach Blossom]

Sorry, just need a mini rant.

Has anyone else found that other people's way to try and make you feel better about losing your baby is by telling you that its common and happens to 1 in 4 pregnancies?! I know that they're trying to make you feel better, but how is that going to make you feel better? No one wants to be a statistic. Are we supposed to feel less sad because it happens to lots of people? I don't get it. Its almost as annoying as people saying "well at least you can get pregnant..."

Ok, annnnd breathe... feel better for having got that out of my system.

 

[v2007]

You rant away, Taylor is also a statistic, she was 1 of 10 babies who was sadly born asleep on the 16th July 2007



v xxxxx

 

[Shelby2007]

I hear ya! Sorry for your loss

I hate when people tell me - it wasnt meant to be.. some reason that gets to me!

 

[Peach Blossom]

You rant away, Taylor is also a statistic, she was 1 of 10 babies who was sadly born asleep on the 16th July 2007



v xxxxx

Sorry for your loss.

 

[v2007]

Peach im so sorry for your loss as well.

Loads of squishy

V xxxxx

 

[Tasha]

Oh stats are just rubbish, it doesnt matter whether its 1 in 4 or 1 in a million, its happened to you and your much wanted baby, and it hurts like hell. My Honey is a statistic too

 

[Peach Blossom]

Oh stats are just rubbish, it doesnt matter whether its 1 in 4 or 1 in a million, its happened to you and your much wanted baby, and it hurts like hell. My Honey is a statistic too

Sorry for your loss.

 

[mazza2003]

I agree, or that it was "early stage anyway". They could have cared any less with me. I think thats what made me want to seem positive because it seem so terribly trivial to the people at the EPU.

 

[Tasha]

I agree, or that it was "early stage anyway". They could have cared any less with me. I think thats what made me want to seem positive because it seem so terribly trivial to the people at the EPU.

Hugs hun, am sorry you were treated so badly. I was treated like crap too, I think they see so much miscarriages and stillbirths they become harden to it, so much for a caring profession eh?

 

[Peach Blossom]

I have to say that the nurses I had in the EPU were great. I was however then put in a room and and to wait an hour before a consultant came to see me. She made some analogy of an apple tree and some apples not growing into proper apples... She also tried to tell me my baby had died 4 weeks before hand when I'd seen the heartbeat 3 weeks before... She also started telling me about the statistics... Think they must have to switch off and become immune to it. Otherwise it would get pretty depressing for them... Not an excuse, but possibly a reason...

 

[Alexis]

i feel the same way. and not only did my friends tell me this but the NURSE that took care of me told me "Well it was still very early on for you. Most woman, actually 1 in 4 women, miscarry within the first 6 weeks or so." after she glared at me for only being 20. Even though she had no idea I was engaged. i hate people like that!!

im so sorry for your loss.

 

[Schmelly]

That rant mirrors my own thoughts exactly. I understand the health professionals become hardened to it, but as 'professionals' I believe they should have the savvy to realise how deeply it affects the ladies (& partners) in their care, and that they should care for them accordingly.

I read somewhere (actually in several places) that apparently there is a lower rate of mc in pregancies where the mums-to-be feel looked after and cared for by the health professionals. TLC, apparently, goes a long way.

And I swear I will scream if I hear one more person say 'at least you know you can get pregnant'...............
What's the use of being pregnant if you don't get a baby at the end of it? I don't wanna just be pregnant...I want to have a baby.

 

[Peach Blossom]

That rant mirrors my own thoughts exactly. I understand the health professionals become hardened to it, but as 'professionals' I believe they should have the savvy to realise how deeply it affects the ladies (& partners) in their care, and that they should care for them accordingly.

I read somewhere (actually in several places) that apparently there is a lower rate of mc in pregancies where the mums-to-be feel looked after and cared for by the health professionals. TLC, apparently, goes a long way.

And I swear I will scream if I hear one more person say 'at least you know you can get pregnant'...............
What's the use of being pregnant if you don't get a baby at the end of it? I don't wanna just be pregnant...I want to have a baby.

I can totally believe that the stats go down when you feel you're being well looked after... I even said to my husband that I want to save up and sell jewellery anything so that we can afford to go private next time... They've done studies in to it and it does have a profound affect on all types of illness and treatment if you feel you're being well looked after.

And I totally hear you about the "at least you can get pregnant" comments that come from people. I want to scream at them "what use is being pregnant if you can't stay pregnant". I promise I will never say that to anyone who has been through this. Neither will I quote statistics at them!

 

[rachjim98]

My biggest thing when we lost Rebecca was people saying " it wasn't your fault you didn't do anything wrong, but we cant tell you what happened cause we cant find anything" Then how the hell do you know I didn't do something wrong????
That made me so mad. Or the less the sympathetic "look there is her spin and there is her chest and as you can see there is no heartbeat". Thanks jerk, don't even get a hug on the way out. Pay your bill and call this #. Then they wonder why people go nuts on them. This is someones baby they are talking about.
After our ordeal, I went back to my follow up at a different GP because I felt the lack of support at my old GP was terrible. I have never in my life felt more like a statistic then I did at that place.

OK, guess I needed to rant a bit as well.

sorry for all your losses ladies. And sorry for the lack of care from the people suppose to help us through this.

 

[Debbie82]

Sorry for your loss

Statistics ggrrrrrr.

I got the whole 1 in 4 end in miscarriage stat and then if that wasn't enough I got the whole my age group has the highest rate of miscarriage.

As if a double dose of stats is gonna make me feel better !

 

[vik]

I'm so sorry for your loss and i totaly understand what your sayin, we got told we were pregnant but that it was an empty sac, and the nicest thing they can do is not only say well it happens to "one in four pregnancies" but in my case " well it was never really a baby any way ". Either way it doesn't mean that any of us on here, wanted or loved our baby's any less, and to us they certainly aren't statistics! They need to realise this.
Sorry about the rant lol x

 

[Lazy Leo]

I'm so sorry for your loss, its an awful thing to have to go through and its not made easier by people not saying what you want. (Although when I miscarried I don't think I knew what I wanted people to say to me)

I'm going to go the other way on this one girls, because 18 months down the line of trying for a baby, I do know 'at least I can get pregnant' even if my only one has ended in m/c. And that is actually comforting. Don't get me wrong the woman I dealt with at EPAU was awful, she had no people skills whatsoever and expected me to wait for a week before a scan while I was bleeding. We won't see anything, come back in a week. I hated that woman right then, now, eight months later, I feel a little softer about it.

One thing I found comforting in a strange way was an article i found that explained that because a baby is half you and half dad your body doesn't recognise it and sees it as in intruder / foreign tissue. That's one of the reasons first pregnancies, and first pregnancies with a new partner have a higher chance of m/c than second or subsequent pregnancies. I found a lot of comfort in that and hope that my second pregnancy will not end the way my first one did. Perhaps that thought may be of some comfort to you.
I hope so

 

[Claire788]

And the good old one "Well try again straight away, I'll take your mind of it".. Yeh, course it will.. *sigh*