I'm really struggling

[Tattoo]

Ok, first off, this is going to get long, and is little more than me just getting everything off my chest, so please don't feel obligated to read/reply! But if anyone does have any practical advice, particularly on where I might be able to claw back a bit of time to keep my housework up-to-date or find some time for myself, I'd be very grateful!

I'm 33 weeks today and having a rough time of it with this pregnancy. I had mild HG in the first trimester, which lead to time in hospital being rehydrated and, of course, time off work. I'm a primary school teacher at a private school with high expectations, so me having time off for my "morning sickness" (ahem!) wasn't too well received! In second trimester I developed SPD, which has gotten worse and worse. I tried to avoid taking time off, despite the midwife wanting to sign me off. I finally have a physiotherapy appointment (after three referrals!) next week.

Now I'm really struggling. I have a two year old and I'm not keeping on top of everything I need to do at work, and I'm not giving my daughter the time she needs.
Getting us both dressed, fed and out the house by 7:30am is getting harder and harder. She'd prefer to sleep until about 8am, but I have to be at work by then. I get up at 6am every morning, put on the washing, eat breakfast, get dressed, wash up the breakfast things, get DD up, give her milk and fruit or toast or something (cue mum guilt over not giving her a healthy, varied breakfast every morning!), shove her and all my bags in the car, and whizz us both off either to my mum's or to nursery, then on to work. I have to be on site at school for 8 o'clock. I have a teaching student placed in my class at the moment (she finishes on Friday), so I don't have to teach many lessons, which is helping me get up-to-date on my assessments, reports, and subject leader things (I lead English for the school). I work over lunchtime (once I've done the usual duties which are expected in private schools). I dismiss the children at 3:30pm and usually work until 5pm, either marking, prepping for the next day, or writing daily reports for my teaching student.

I get home around 5:30pm. Then it's dinner, spend a bit of time with DD, her bathtime at 7 o'clock. DH puts her to bed while I wash up the dinner things, do a quick tidy up around the house, then start the school work I've brought home with me. This usually takes me until around 9:30pm. Then I'm so tired I just need to have a shower and go to bed!

Today I had a fall because I was rushing. It was already 7:45 and I still wasn't in the car. DD had thrown a tantrum and poured her milk on the sofa. I'd put her in the car (getting hard now, as she's still rear-facing, and lifting her into that carseat is hard!) and was running back into the house to grab my school bags and I tripped over my front step. I went straight down on my belly, onto a hard laminate floor. Of course, being an idiot, I still went into work (my class had a class assembly this morning...). Then someone asked if I was ok...and I burst into tears. The boss sent me home. I'm fine, baby's moving, my back hurts, but I'm not having any awful stomach pain or bleeding or anything. I know I need to rest, but that's hard with a two year old running around (mum dropped her off at home when she realised I wasn't at work today). I've sat her in front of the tv (bad mum alert! Again...) watching Frozen, just so I can sit for a few minutes.

DH isn't much help, because he leaves the house to go to work at 4:30am every morning and doesn't get home until 4pm.

I just don't see anywhere I can gain a bit of time, even to put the vacuum over, or clean the bathroom, let alone have a soak in the bath, or have a swim!

 

[Googiepie]

Sounds like you need to take it easy a bit! Can your mom or someone watch your daughter on a day off so you can take the time to relax? I know you wanna be on top of everything but stress isn't good for you. I know your husband works and leaves early but maybe you could talk to him about helping a bit more? Sorry you're going through this.

 

[Ecoden]

I know you said that you have high expectations for yourself and I relate to that--I hate not performing as well as I think I can. But in your case it sounds like something has to give. Sitting your DD in front of the TV will not damage her, you need to do what you have to do and take your breaks where you can get them even if that means lowering your standards for a short time. Feeling guilty about it will make it worse so accept that you're doing what you have to do to get by. Pregnancy is hard enough without all of the rest of life's challenges! Don't forget to take care of you, and be a little easier on yourself as you sound like such a supermom!

 

[kajastarlight]

^^ I second that! DONT feel bad about not verying breakfast for a bit and DONT feel bad about sitting your DD in front of the TV now and then.
I keep trying to find somewhere you can shave some time off and you are just one busy lady! Maybe make your weekends more restful to make up for busy weeks? Do you have friends/family who can mind your DD for a few hours on a weekend so you can just laze around for a short bit?

 

[Tattoo]

Thanks for your replies, ladies.
Unfortunately my weekends are busy too. I try to keep one day for school work and one for family, but that doesn't always work out! And being in a private school I sometimes have to work Saturdays (for example we have an open day this Saturday).

 

[LilFooshFoosh]

Since DH is home first could you get him to at least start dinner? Or does he do it already and you do the wash up? Maybe DH could put something in a slow cooker one morning before he went to work and then there is less dishes to clean after you get home plus instead of having to cook whomever does that can take that time to do some other tidying you really want done? Or make 2 things at the same time one night so the next night no one needs to cook or clean (i.e if you are roasting a chicken, put in a pot roast too, double the carb and have a big green salad)... Or get easy prep freezer meals to have on occasion so it frees up an hour or so once or twice a week for you to take care of yourself.

I also agree that you shouldn't feel bad about the TV thing or giving DD the same thing for breakfast. I was working full-time up to 34 weeks (then part time to 36 weeks) and by the end I felt the exact same way about lost time. DS always loved to get to watch something, like it was a treat, and even though we give him 3 choices for breakfast every morning he usually always picks the same thing (waffles with jam). I also got some activity/educational books for him so when I had to work some evenings we would both sit at the table "working". He could ask for help and I could be there but still get my work done. DS also got introduced to "the sock game" during which we would dump all the freshly laundered socks onto the (clean) floor and he would make matches while I folded the laundry....quality time together! haha

I'm not going to lie, my house was not in the shape I would have kept it in cleanliness-wise but DH & I did the best we could. I just had to let it go that sometimes we were picking unfolded laundry straight from the basket instead of putting it away or that there was a pile of stuff sitting in the corner that needed putting away that we just weren't getting to. DH wasn't cleaning the toilet as frequently as I do, so that was getting gross- so he broke down and got 2000 Flushes (self cleaning toilet bowl cleaner) so at least it was getting some attention.

There are short cuts and there are things you will just have to determine are not worth your while right now. I hope some of that helped, otherwise sorry it was so long.

 

[Cattia]

I totally understand -you've just pretty much described my life! I'm also a teacher and have to be out the house along with my two kids by 7.30 and the mornings are always a killer, plus brining work home every evening. I'm finishing on Friday at 38 weeks but will still have to spend most of next week working as I haven't managed to get through all the marking. I am also a department leader so have additional responsibilities, although luckily this has been a very straightforward pregnancy so far.
If your mum is minding your DD for you, could she not give her breakfast? I find getting food down them the hardest thing in the morning. Also I find that getting all the clothes sorted for the whole week on Sundays helps as it gives me less to do on weekday evenings. We have a cleaner who comes once a fortnight. It's an expense but there is no way I can keep on top of the house as well as everything else. I have also taken to having a half hour nap oonce the kids are n bed. I then get up and start working, as it means I can work much later in the evening without falling asleep. I would also say that hard as it is, your school need to accept if you need the odd day off to recover. I know that it's hard, especially in a smaller school as there isn't anyone to pick up the slack and you don't want to put your colleagues under more pressure, but frankly they are better placed to cope with a bit of extra pressure than you at the moment and if they end up having to cover a bit of your work then so be it. You would do the same for them if you could see them struggling and nothing is more important than looking after your baby, so don't feel like you have to hang in there if things are getting too much.

 

[atx614]

Maybe hire a maid or laundry helper once or twice a month? They will deep clean the house and fold and iron clothes. Time is money, and sometimes I would rather have time than money, lol.

 

[flou]

I can understand your pressure from work. I am a teacher and a head of department of an independent senior school so I understand how demanding they can be. I've been lucky in the sense so far my pregnancy hasn't had any major issues so far, I don't have any children as I am pregnant with my first and DH works from home. So bless him he has taken more than his fair share of domestic duties. But I have still struggled to stay on top of my workload and would literally come home, eat, sleep and go back to work. You have nothing to feel guilty about. If anything I think your superwoman trying to juggle everything. Talk to your DH and your mum to see if anything can be done to help you out and give you extra time. And talk to someone at school. I was struggling with all the duties at school so I spoke to a member of SMT and I managed to get them to cut back on the amount of duties I had to do. Take it easy as possible and remember its ok to put yourself first and be a little bit selfish. Especially when your heavily pregnant. Good luck!

 

[mcwhmm]

I don't have any advice, but I want to say that I am in the exact same boat. I work 8am-5pm Monday-Friday and DH works 8pm-10am Sunday-Friday (just for another month or so) and we literally cross paths when I'm coming home and he's leaving. It's like "Hi, Bye, Love you." This leave me to care for DD (who will be 3 on Saturday) by myself, plus I have to document all of my days work (yay for social work Lol) and I also have 4 online classes that keep me very busy. By the time I get home from getting DD it's about 6ish and then I usually make her something quick and I usually don't even eat because I have big lunches because that's when I'm most hungry. DH just grabs things and throws them in his lunch box for work and goes and if there's leftovers, he'll take that. Thankfully, DD is very good at entertaining herself. For example, I just finished my paperwork for my job for the day and DD is on the floor playing with her LOADS of American Girl Bitty Baby things. I often get upset about not spending quality time with her and I feel like my nose is always in the computer and then when I'm done with that, I'm just worn out and ready for bed. Then, on top of that, the place gets soooooo messy! DH helps out with things such as dishes and everything, and really, the place isn't "messy" it's just my nesting instincts that kick in and drive me crazy because I'm too tired to get anything "nesting wise" done. I have been meaning to pack my hospital bag for the longest time and have been putting it off and off and off.

 

[Charliejones]

Totally with you on this 1! Being heavily pregnant on the go all week against the clock with a 2 year old isn't very pregnant friendly, I can't remember the last time I had alone time even when I try and have a bath I can hear MAM MAM MAM! time to try and put ur self first for a little maybe ask for some extra help xxx