I'm so tired

[mammag]

I know I always get a little depressed when AF is near. But this time, I just feel, just tired. All these years, all this heartbreak. Month after month of wishing my life away two weeks at a time. Year of year of knowing, hoping, praying that this will be my year, but it never is. Money, test results, poking prodding. The oh so kind calls from my nurse to see how I am doing. I just don't think I want to do this anymore. But I don't know how to stop. I don't know how to turn it off. I just don't know. You ladies that TTC for 8, 9 or 10 years. I don't know how you do it. I don't think I want to do it. IVF will never be an option for me. I don't have that kind of money lying around. I'm just so very tired of this.

 

[zanDark]

 

[StephieB]

were only on month 29 so not quite as far as you bit I'm having one of those months too.

Just so you know YOU'RE an inspiration too!! After nearly 4 years you have shown true strength and inspiration and you deserve to takea break and be tired every once in a while. I hope soon you find the light at the end of your tunnel xx

 

[BobDog]

it's bloody awful! i'm a month behind you... and i totally know where you're coming from! i just hope you find strength soon.

xxx

 

[readyformore]

. Right before AF is always my hardest time too.

I spoke to a friend yesterday and she told me she had to ttc for 14 years to have her daughter. I am thrilled she has her daughter, but I can't imagine doing this for that long. I think that we all hear those rare stories and we want to be that person..........but in all reality, I think it's pretty unlikely that it actually happens for people like that. I asked her how she managed to stay sane for that period of time and she told me that she just had to learn to accept it because otherwise she would be miserable.

I have heard that when ttc hurts more than having a baby, that's how you know when to stop. I have thought a lot about it. I know I have only been ttc for 2 years, but I don't want to do this forever either. I think at some point, I will have to face the music and move on completely. I know that I am not ready yet, but hopefully soon. We have discussed my husband having a vasectomy, just to have closure. I am 35 so it's not like I can change my mind in 5 years, (and really, desire to have a baby doesn't result in a baby anyway).

I think that there will be a balance at some point, between having tried and not having regrets, and needing to be done ttc. I just don't know where that point is. I am sure it's different for everyone.

 

[tamithomas]

I actually admire and bordernline worship TTC'ers that are able to finally accept their fate and come to terms with IF. I know for me I have no intentions of stopping until metopause kicks in,that's when I'll know its time to hang up the gloves. But for those who are willing to accept IF defeat, i seriously take my hat off to you. I would love just be able to sit back and accept the possibility but it's been a dream of mine for so long that I never wanna lose that fight or will power. Sure giving up would give me back the sanity I've lost over the past couple of years, but that's just a personal choice. I see so much strength in those who are able to finally break free and make friends with the IF ghost

 

[Kimiw]

I can understand that hun. I hit that point at one time too. Me and DH have been trying for 6 years for baby #1, and believe it or not, it does get a little easier because you will come to a point where you accept it but you will always still have that glimmer of hope. I go through what you are feeling too, and it is so hard and heartbreaking. After DH and I took a two year beak after trying for three years, it really helped. Well, we didn't really stop, we just stopped "trying" we were just not preventing and still, nothing happend, so for all those who say when you stop trying, it will happen, that is not always the case. We decided to give it another good try starting this past Feburary 2012 so, we have been trying agian for 5 months. Maybe you just need a break? I don't mean give up, I mean take time to relax and have sex for FUN and not for baby making. You would be surprised how taking a break can allow you to start new and feel refreshed, that is how those of us who have been trying for 6,7,8 or more years have kept our sanity. And hun, it doesn't have to be two years like me and DH did, it could be a cycle or two or maybe a year, who knows. Me and DH didn't plan on two years, it just happend that way. And boy let me tell you, when we decided to actually try again we both felt like we had a clean slate and the excitment you had when you first started to try comes back. I am sorry you are feeling bad, I just wanted to let you know that you are going to be ok. You may not be ready to accept it yet, and you may never accept it, but in order to truly move on you have to. Not to sound mean, I just know EXACTALLY how you are feeling, and until I accepted it, I felt like that all the time.

 

[Madgirl]