I'm stupid but I'm happy....

[Teri7489]

Ok, so I've been with my husband for 8 years. We have been married for 1 year and have a beautiful baby girl who is 9 months. We were ready to have a baby after being together for a couple of years but we waited until I finished university. We have bad credit due to some financial issues when I was studying so can't afford to buy a house. We need a bigger place so going to private rent now I'm back at work. Thing is.....I really really really want another baby. I was traumatised after Isabella's birth as it was just awful but after therapy I'm not getting better. Would it be really really stupid to have another? I mean, is having the right sized house really that big a deal? I can't shift the feeling of wanting another. I could cry everytime I see another pregnant woman or a newborn. We had unprotected sex today and I'm not bothered if I fall pregnant. Is it daft?? Xxx

 

[makemeamammy]

How old is your LO? I think it can be quite normal for your hormones to kick in and make you broody at various points (ie soon after birth or when your LO starts toddling around etc). You say you feel traumatised from your last birth and like you're not getting better, does that not put you off a bit?

Ultimately this is totally up to you and your husband. Is it likely to be a very long time before you're financially in a place you want to be in? What's the max you would want to wait and would you likely be better off by then or in the same boat as you are now? I guess if you'd be in the same boat then there wouldn't be much point in waiting if you feel ready x

 

[misspriss]

Depends on how much you value a bigger house. We bought a house when I was pregnant with DS, I kind of regret it. It's too much house (3b/2ba) even with us planning our second. DS sleeps with us, so we really only need 1 bedroom if we were being honest with ourselves. Our mortgage is less than we'd pay in rent though, so it's okay.

I don't know, I think I'm a bit daft TTC my second right now, but I want DS to have close siblings. I'm just worried about losing my breastfeeding relationship with him, as he's only 17 months.

 

[NoodleSnack]

There are two people involved. What does your partner want?

 

[Teri7489]

Sorry, I meant to write I'm now getting better. I wouldn't even cuddle my husband for fear of getting pregnant lol. Now I'm ok if it was to happen. To be honest, I don't think we will be able to buy a house in the next 10 years so we either wait for the council to offer us a place (I've been waiting for 10 years so can't see that happening) or we private rent. We are going to have to do that anyway as we are currently in a 1 bedroom. Isbella can't share with us forever. I wanted to have children close in age, just like I am to my brother and sister. Just don't want to have another and cause us to have a stressful unhappy life. Aarrrgghh! She's nine months now, but I've never had the strong feeling of having another til now. My husband would have had another baby already if it was up to him. Lol. Xxx

 

[TwilightAgain]

Not trying to be harsh but i'm going to be honest. Having unprotected sex when you're unsure if this is a predicament you want to find yourself in right now really isn't the best thing. I think you both need to decide what you want before anything else.

 

[Teri7489]

Oh I know, it's stupid (hence the title)

Just wondering what people thought was important. Having a child when you want to or waiting for the 'right situation' if that ever happens. That's all.

 

[makemeamammy]

If you can afford to keep a roof over everyone's heads (rent or mortgage), food in their bellies, clothes on their back and everything else they need then it's totally up to you! Personally, I think if these things are going to be a struggle to you or you will end up relying on the state (which I presume you won't given what you've said) then I don't think you should.

I believe everybody has a responsibility to make sure they can look after their own. Obviously people can end up in situations they didn't choose to be in and that is what state benefits are for, they aren't supposed to be used by people to thoughtlessly keep having kids they can't afford to keep!

(Btw OP you do sound like you can afford to keep your own family so that isn't an attack on you) xx

 

[donnarobinson]

I dont think there is every l a right time to have a baby.. even in a two bedroom ur two could share for many many years. Having two is hard and stressful and is expensive but if its what you want you manage x

 

[HKateH]

Personally I don't believe there's ever a 'right' time financially to have a baby for most people. However, I'm not sure I'd relish the idea of four people living in a one bed place (apologies if I misinterpreted what you meant). The practicalities of that would be too much for me. If it were me, I'd put off TTC for a year and get all my ducks in a row, so to speak. A year is nothing really and it could mean a big difference to everyone's quality of life!

 

[catty]

Well if you have enough to pay for the basics then why not you will have nine months to try get a new place if that's what you want and to save.

We are in a 2 bedroom flat and I always thought I'd have a nice big house before having babies but we live in a very expensive area so that's not going to happen for another 5 years and there's NO WAY I could have waited 5 more years so we went for it and couldn't be happier.
Il admit the majority of my stress and arguments are the mess because I don't have much storage and we have to eat in the living room when I'd like to have a dining room but in the great scheme of things it's not that big a deal. I will say though I couldn't fit all out stuff in a 1 bed no way! With 2 children just comes double the 'things'

 

[Teri7489]

We have applied for a few 2/3 bedroom flats that are private rent so just waiting to head back. We need a bigger place even if we don't have another. Regardless we will be moving to at least a two bedroom. Waiting til we buy a house to have another baby isn't an option, I'm not even sure if we will ever buy a house. I just don't want my munchkin to suffer for what would be my own selfishness. Aargh!

 

[ShakeItBaby1]

Ultimately, it's up to you. If you feel you're ready, and you can afford things like diapers, clothes, food, etc for all of you - why not?

I was told before, "if everyone waited for the ideal opportunity to have children (financially, mentally, etc.) We would've became extinct years ago!

 

[Teri7489]

That's what's making me want to go for it. I sometimes think I could wait forever for the right time to come along. I'm a nurse and get a reality check almost every week. I've started to really appreciate life and how delicate it is. I know it's depressing to think that way, but you never know what's going to happen. I don't want to miss my chance to have a family based on not having an 'ideal' sized house or savings in the bank.

 

[Pielette]

I think it comes down to some basics. Can you afford food and nappies for two? If you're going to have two can you afford to take them both out to any activities you might do? Would you go back to work? If so can you afford the childcare?

It is not selfishness. If you feel you are able to do it and everyone would be happy and well taken care of, I think you have your answer. If you're applying for 2/3 bedroom places anyway, you're sorted.

We have two babies and have our third newly on the way. We live in a 3 bedroom house and are not looking to move anytime soon, so ultimately 2 of them will share a room. I think they'll cope

 

[Teri7489]

Thanks for all the replies. I know we both want another one, so I think that's what's going to happen. Obviously we need to move first but that's easier to accept than waiting til we buy a house. Which could be never. My husband is currently studying from home, and will be for the next two years plus is a relief football coach so he would stay home and I'll return to work. My work is very understanding of mums and dads so that's all good. We could cope financially yup. Guess I have my answer xxx

 

[ttc126]

OP, sounds like you're already all decided. Just wanted to add my two cents as it may be comforting/encouraging to you.

I had a traumatic birth with my son. I felt like i got very broody and missed being pregnant partially because i had such a bad experience. I think that's normal. I got pregnant with this little bean when ds was 8.5 months. There have been tough times and I'll admit now I'm starting to stress with the idea of fitting them both in a small room, but overall I'm very very happy.

I think if it wouldn't put you in terrible hardship, and you really want to, you should go for it. It's not going to affect your love for #1 or how much you care. You're not selfish

 

[Teri7489]

Well that's it over before it started. Got declined for all the flats due to bad credit. That will take years to solve so looks like Isabella will be an only child. I'm devastated. Totally gutted!!!

 

[ttc126]

Aww Hon That's awful! Is there anything that they can do?

 

[donnarobinson]

Well that's it over before it started. Got declined for all the flats due to bad credit. That will take years to solve so looks like Isabella will be an only child. I'm devastated. Totally gutted!!!

Is the no private landlords you can find who dont go thru an agency ibo they dont all do credit checks etc . Dont give up hope hun x