I'm the worst mummy!

[Teri7489]

I have the most amazing little princess who is almost two and a new little guy who is two weeks tomorrow. But I have brought them in to a shitty life and I can't shift the horrible feeling of guilt.

We live in a one bedroom flat and right now it is pure hell. I co-sleep with my daughter as she has terrible separation anxiety which means my husband has to do night feeds keeping my newborn in the living room. For now I take my toddler to bed at 7, get back up when she's asleep to look after my little guy til 12. I then go to bed til 7/8 when dd wakes up and I have the two of them while hubby has some sleep. As he's still really little I feel awful that I'm not spending that time with him, but if I get up and down to look after him I wake dd up which isn't fair. Having him in the room with us doesn't work as he wakes her up obviously.

I just feel utterly crap that I have brought them in to this world which is just a stressful, horrible place to be. The lack of space, the tiredness, the grumpy toddler, the unhappy baby....it's crap! We have been on hue he council register for 9 years with no success, we can't afford private rent or to buy so really are just stuck here.

Anyone any tips or ideas how to manage this? Either that or someone give me a huge slap and tell me to get a grip!!!

 

[kealz]

First, you don't sounds like a bad mom at all! You and your dh just want to raise a family like most couples do and it sounds like there's plenty of love and care to be had which is what matters. I would get in touch with the council and ask them where you're at and restate your case now with your newborn. Not only are you massively overcrowded but your children are different sexes so can't share long term. Hope you get some joy from them soon and don't beat yourself up in the meantime - you're doing your best and all kids need is love, food and shelter - their needs are met. x

 

[Literati_Love]

First of all, I completely understand how you're feeling and thinking that a different or not perfectly ideal situation makes you a bad parent or are doing something wrong. That is NOT the case, though! There is not some perfect prescription for the "right" way to parent. Yes, maybe most newborns sleep in the room with their moms and a toddler sleeps alone. But guess what? That doesn't have to be for everyone! And it doesn't mean something different is wrong! You have to do what is right for your family. You're making sacrifices and reworking things so that the whole family, particularly your kids, get more sleep. That sounds very selfless and like the act of an amazing set of parents to me! You're doing a GREAT job! And it doesn't really sound that disorganized or chaotic...just different! Your kids will be perfectly happy and you shouldn't feel bad at all!

 

[Teri7489]

Thanks ladies. Sorry for the moan, just felt really down last night. Off to the council today to plead with them, see if they can help at all. If not, time to look in to me going back to work so we can private rent. Not ideal but not sure what else we can do. Thanks again xxx

 

[kealz]

Good luck! x