I'm torn, I need some advice..

[ZombieQueen]

So let me start off by saying, I know this is going to sound silly, but it's a really hard decision for me.. Also, it's very long, no hard feelings if you don't want to read all of this!

I moved to Oregon in July 2010, I love it here, I'm in love with the trees and the weather. I'm from Hawaii, born and raised, and yes it's a beautiful place but it's so hot and the island that I'm from is like a barren waste land of nothingness, it's so dull there. There's ONE mall on the whole island which is an hour from my house. I thought I'd never move back, I was excited to settle down in Oregon with my husband and make a life for ourselves, but this pregnancy caught us off guard and we are in a hard place right now, hardest it's been since we moved out on our own..

Anyways, my parents want to do everything to help me out, they offered for us to move back to Hawaii and live with them. It wouldn't be cramped, they own a three story house and the entire bottom floor is a one bedroom, one bathroom, with a kitchen and a living room, plus it has a gorgeous view of the valley and it's own deck/patio area. They are trying SO hard to convince me to move back, they offered to ship BOTH our cars back, which is $1,075 per car they said they'd fence in the backyard for my dog, but she'd probably be so uncomfortable there since it's so warm and she's a husky. Of course she'd live inside, but in Hawaii, most houses don't have A/C and mine is not an exception, so I'm a bit worried about her, plus when you bring an animal to Hawaii, it has to go through quarantine, which is 4-6 months long and I won't be able to see her during that time.. Thats just plain outrageous. I understand they need to make sure new and dangerous diseases aren't brought over, but does it really have to take THAT long?! Even if I moved back now, I'll be like 8 months pregnant by the time she gets to come home! I can't even imagine the stress she'd go through, plus I had to leave her for 3 days and I BAWLED my eyes out when we were driving away and cried every night.

My husband isn't too keen on the idea, but he's not talking about it much, he just remembers how miserable I was when I lived there and says that he thinks I'll regret the decision, and part of me thinks he's right. I was very unhappy there, but the situation is different now, this is my family I'm worried about, not just myself and my teenage needs. I am very scared that if I move back, I will never leave again, especially with a LO, but more than that I'm terrified of my poor baby having to go to the schools in Hawaii, my schools were just terrible, I would give an arm and a leg to make sure my child doesn't have to suffer through that awful education.. I know that's a long ways away, but again, I'm scared if I move back I'll never leave... It's hard enough moving an adult couple to the mainland from Hawaii, but a child too?

Some good things though is I'd get to go back to my old doctor, who I LOVED, she was amazing. My doggy could go to the beach, she loves water she would die of happiness. I'd get to see my old friends, who I miss so much. I could go to college, my mom said she'd love to babysit for me. We wouldn't have to pay rent or anything (even though I'd still want to, because I'd feel much to guilty if we didn't). I know I could get my old job back, my boss loved me and told me if I ever came back I was always welcome.

I know this seems like an easy decision, like I should be thrilled to move to Hawaii and be overly spoiled by my parents. But it makes me feel guilty, they're offering me too much, I feel like I've failed at being an adult and living on my own.. Plus Hawaii was a really miserable place for me, I don't know if I could explain it in a way that people would understand, but I was truly unhappy there.. I just know I need to make the right choice for my family.. I'm just so torn here.. There are way more good things to this, but my husband seems against it and it's such a blow to my pride..

 

[imprfcttense]

I don't know if I have any advice for you. Ultimately, you will make whatever decision you think is right for you and your family, and you will make it work. Just didn't want to read and run. You'll figure it out, hun. Best of luck to you in your decision making.

 

[2beamummy12]

Personally i wouldnt move.... and i would see if my parents would be willing to give me the 4000 they are willing to spend on shipping the cars over there That would be a really nice thing..

 

[KiwiMOM]

that sounds like a really hard situation, and it really depends on whether or not you can make it alone. It sounds like you have a good set up over there.

We moved a dog from Canada to NZ and although it was a stressful (and expensive) experience she settled into home very quickly, we did try to rehome her but I guess you could say she doesn't "belong" anywhere else. (the other family gave up before an hour ). It was worth it, even though it was an adjustment.

But in saying that if you would just be miserable don't do it! It's hard to ask for help, and it's hard to except that sort of help, definitely a blow to the ol' ego. You and your DH really need to sit down and have a biiiig think about this. sounds like a pickle!

 

[beanzz]

if i was in your situation i wouldn't go but if you feel like you need your parents around couldn't they come stay with you? whichever decision you make will be the decision you felt was right so dont feel like you're going to regret it

 

[ZombieQueen]

Although the money would be nice, it's not everything.. and yeah they could visit for a week or so, but that's not the same as being with them.

I know I was unhappy there before, but like I said this isn't just about me anymore.. This is about the stability and happiness of my family. I know my hubby and I could survive out here on our own, it'll just be extremely hard and I feel like it would be an unnecessary struggle when we could live in Hawaii, work, raise our LO, be with family and save money to buy a house in a few years. The most stressful thing about moving is my dog.. there's a lot of money and paperwork that goes into this move for animals, I may have to leave my cat behind, which breaks my heart since I love the little guy more than anything.. but he's never had rabies shots and he has to have had two in his life. plus it'll end up costing us around 800 just for the dog for all the tests, appointments, etc needed. The more I think about it, the better it looks to move back, but this pet this is so hard..

 

[loveme_x]

I kindaa felt this way about moving with my mother to virgnia after my baby's born to my brother's lovely home. But its just crazy up there. I'm already in enough conflict here, maybe moving would fix some of my problems, maybe. I honestly think instead of moving with them you could ask them for help? Or move in a home close to them? I don't want to tell you to be somewhere where you don't feel comfortable! The deal sounds good though, but if you don't like being there don't go, if yu do don't plan to stay for the rest of LO's life.

 

[KiwiMOM]

our dog hadn't had her rabies shots either (she had just turned 1 when we left and the vet forgot! ) she had to stay behind at this place people send there dogs when they go on long holidays/are deployed.. it isn't a kennel as they only have a couple dogs at a time and they aren't kept in cages. she was there for the course of her rabies vaccines and then flew over for quarantine.. maybe look into a foster home for your cat if you can't part with him?

 

[megrenade]

I know how you feel -- but it's about moving back home to Idaho, which isn't very far away -- I wish I could you advice but I'm in the same exact situation.

 

[ZombieQueen]

our dog hadn't had her rabies shots either (she had just turned 1 when we left and the vet forgot! ) she had to stay behind at this place people send there dogs when they go on long holidays/are deployed.. it isn't a kennel as they only have a couple dogs at a time and they aren't kept in cages. she was there for the course of her rabies vaccines and then flew over for quarantine.. maybe look into a foster home for your cat if you can't part with him?

This sounds so much better! I just need to find somewhere like that, I hope I can that would ease so much stress for me. Not being able to bring my sweet little kitty doesn't feel right. My hubbys family is so self absorbed that even if I set up all the appointments, paid for everything, vet bills, food, litter, crate, gas for going to the vet, etc they would still be too inconvenienced to help... It's so frustrating. My family is bending over backwards to help us and these people cant even watch a damn cat for a few months before he could come home to me. My vet in Hawaii who treated him before we moved might have given him a rabies shot, he might also... Say he did... (Which he should have in the first place).

 

[Rigi.kun]

I can only say that let your heart decide

I personally prefer not to get to much from my parents, but the occasionally spoiling I won't say no too. When I was a young child, grandma use to send mum $10 in the mail every pay so that mum could buy us ice cream, it was our treat from grandma. It was good.