In A Mind Mess..*Updated*

[Eightiesbirdx]

I know ill probably need to explain myself in great detail here, if people can help me out here it'd be awesome.

So, today is mine and my ex's first year anniversary if we we're still together. Ive been so bothered about it all day deep in thought and i cant tell my parents whats wrong as they'll probably think im being stupid or say he wasn't worth it which i agree about sometimes, but its like the good times outweighed the bad stuff when we we're together.

Me and current OH have been together for 6 months and to be honest im not happy at all, it just feels like ive rushed into this relationship without giving myself time to air off alittle, lets just say he isn't exactly stunner material to me and it probably makes me sound like a bitch but the only reason i go out with him is because he buys me stuff and i just feel like crying..i was single for 3 months before i met my current OH incase people wanted to know.

Me & my ex do sometimes hang out on the off days, and he says such things like ive missed you and hug me and stuff. Well the only reason we split up was because i felt we we're growing apart and i had a crush on someone else at the time and didn't think it fair keeping him hanging on there and i was going back emo at the time and he didn't like it and would moan at me so in the end i got bored of it, and he got his new car then and it just seemed that was all he cared about, so i ended it in March this year..And we didn't talk for a few months and then he started talking to me again and he basically said the "L" word to me and then told me to forget he said that, i mean whats up with that?

And then a second ago, he popped up and said he needed to talk to me, as he's going back to university tomorrow, which about 11/12 miles away..I just dont know what to do, ive already cheated with my OH with him and i dont wanna do it again..

I just feel like not existing, im upset all the time.. ...Sorry about the essay, i feel better now ive got that out of my system.

 

[happynbubbly]

It sounds like you're confused. I couldn't tell from what you wrote which of the two you want for sure, but if you miss your ex, that isn't fair to your OH. I'm sure you'll make the right decision, and if you need anything PM me. Relationships are hard work. I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch. If it is bothering you, though, that it would have been your anniversary, then the feelings are still there. I'm not going to tell you what you should do, but just think about what it is you really want, and who you will find that with. I hope it all works out for you hun.

 

[goddess25]

You do sound quite confused I agree. I think you need to do a bit of thinking about things, it certainly does not sound fair to your current OH. Good Luck!

 

[nadupoi]

Maybe you just need to take some time to yourself, away from the boys, just to think things through. If your now OH isn't satisfying you enough, then why keep holding on to something that you feel is just going no where. If it's so hard NOT to cheat on him, it's probably a good idea to take a step back and look at the situation in the big picture, you know? Relationships are always rough. Sometimes it turns out good sometimes bad... you just have to keep your chin up and tell yourself there is always something or someone better.

 

[Amygdala]

Maybe you just need to take some time to yourself, away from the boys, just to think things through. If your now OH isn't satisfying you enough, then why keep holding on to something that you feel is just going no where. If it's so hard NOT to cheat on him, it's probably a good idea to take a step back and look at the situation in the big picture, you know? Relationships are always rough. Sometimes it turns out good sometimes bad... you just have to keep your chin up and tell yourself there is always something or someone better.

I agree with the others. You sound really confused. You clearly don't love your current OH enough to make it work or you wouldn't feel the urge to cheat on him. It's not fair to stay with him just for his money, on him or on yourself. And it sounds like your ex isn't the one either or you wouldn't have left him because you had a crush on someone else.
If I was you I'd make a clean cut. Get away from both of them and find yourself first before you think about relationships. In a few mnths time you're bound to be in a better place to judge what you want from a relationship. And what you can give as well.

 

[lola-rose]

I think you sound quite immature and maybe need to reconsider entering parenthood with your OH whom you have totally disrespected in everyway imaginable. Take a breather - learn to love and respect yourself then start a new relationship. You are better than this - i can tell you know that and are feeling shit about everything.

 

[xsophiexleax]

Oooh dear you are in a bit of a pickle aren't you!
I think you need to do some weighing up, is your relationship with your OH really worth it? If you're thinking about your ex all the time then it's not fair on your OH at all. Plus you said you're only really with him cos he buys you lots of stuff, that's all good but it's definitely not a sole reason to stay in a relationship.
Like someone else said (sorry, can't remember who now!) take some time out from both of them to try and clear your head a bit, but I think you really need to consider your relationship with your OH cos it's not fair on him (I'm not having a go if it seems like it, I'm just saying )
Hope it all gets sorted for you hun let us know how everything goes, we're always here to talk xxxx

 

[Eightiesbirdx]

Thanks guys,

In all honesty i do miss my ex a lot and earlier he revealed to me that he wanted to see me because he wanted to ask me back out again, and to be honest yeah i do want him back..I had an awful row with current OH tonight so im deciding to end it tomorrow and try again with my ex

Thank you all so much for your kind, encouraging words and the help you've offered it does mean a lot.

Danielle xx

 

[mandaa1220]

hope everything works out hun xx

 

[nadupoi]

I hope things work out for you. Sometimes it just takes some separation to figure out what is really important to you. I totally believe in second chances. Best of luck!

 

[Amygdala]

Sounds like your mind's made up. But do yourself a favour and consider this: do you want your ex back for who he really is? Or do you idealise him bow because he's not your current OH? It seems that the gras is always greener on the other side. If your ex is the one then he won't mind waiting for you. I would tell him that you have feelings for him but that you need to sort yourself out first and find out what you want. Take 3 months off and just be with yourself and then reevaluate whether your ex is really the knight in shining armour that you see in him. Stumbling from one relationship can work but in most cases it'll just make you loose track of who you are and what you want from life. My advice would be to find yourself and then worry about men, let alone becoming a parent.
All the best for your decisions!

 

[lola-rose]

I agree with amygdala but think you have done the right thing ending it with current OH. Much fairer on you and him. Good luck with everything.

 

[booflebump]

Sounds like your mind's made up. But do yourself a favour and consider this: do you want your ex back for who he really is? Or do you idealise him bow because he's not your current OH? It seems that the gras is always greener on the other side. If your ex is the one then he won't mind waiting for you. I would tell him that you have feelings for him but that you need to sort yourself out first and find out what you want. Take 3 months off and just be with yourself and then reevaluate whether your ex is really the knight in shining armour that you see in him. Stumbling from one relationship can work but in most cases it'll just make you loose track of who you are and what you want from life. My advice would be to find yourself and then worry about men, let alone becoming a parent.
All the best for your decisions!

I agree. You need some time away from men to make sure you are in a relationship for the right reason. That is because you love them, not because they buy you stuff. That statement alone shows how immature you are emotionally, and you need to realise that rushing from one thing to the next isnt doing you any favours. You are so young - go out with your friends, get drunk, kiss boys....anything other than concerning yourself with starting a family

 

[princess_bump]

Sounds like your mind's made up. But do yourself a favour and consider this: do you want your ex back for who he really is? Or do you idealise him bow because he's not your current OH? It seems that the gras is always greener on the other side. If your ex is the one then he won't mind waiting for you. I would tell him that you have feelings for him but that you need to sort yourself out first and find out what you want. Take 3 months off and just be with yourself and then reevaluate whether your ex is really the knight in shining armour that you see in him. Stumbling from one relationship can work but in most cases it'll just make you loose track of who you are and what you want from life. My advice would be to find yourself and then worry about men, let alone becoming a parent.
All the best for your decisions!

I agree. You need some time away from men to make sure you are in a relationship for the right reason. That is because you love them, not because they buy you stuff. That statement alone shows how immature you are emotionally, and you need to realise that rushing from one thing to the next isnt doing you any favours. You are so young - go out with your friends, get drunk, kiss boys....anything other than concerning yourself with starting a family

i have to agree with the lovely boof here hon, i really think you need to think about things careful, and also, to have some time perhaps, just you. perhaps don't worry about 'settling down' yet, enjoy going out, enjoy spending time with others. a wonderful relationship, and 'the one' will all come with time, i think, and i've found, once i knew what i wanted as a person (without men) then i was ready for a relationship.

lots of luck to you xxx