In between houses, parents treat me as a burden.

[kissesandhugs]

The past year has been absolute shit. I had a pretty nice place for myself, ex-oh and our two kids. Ex has a bad pain pill addiction (more on that here https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/h...s/2408637-kids-father-his-drug-addiction.html) and long story short we left that place bc I couldn't afford it on my own. My kids and I moved into my parents which is only a 2 bedroom place so my kids and I are stuck in one small bedroom. I've been saving up for my own place but there is NOTHING available that either isn't enough rooms (looking for at LEAST 2 bedrooms), isn't in my budget or won't accept my dog. It's been an absolute nightmare. I moved out around March/April. So, going on 6 months of this crap I have a promising apartment lined up, hoping to move into by October 1st if I'm approved. It's a smidge above my budget but it just means I have to buckle down on my spending and I'm only taking into account MY income...ex should be paying something (hopefully). Anyways, I've been living at my parents rent free which I'm so eternally grateful for!! I give my mom a few hundred a month for groceries, and buy whatever odds and ends we need (milk, tp, bread, laundry detergent, etc). I asked my dad if I could cut back on the grocery money this month so I can save up the rest I need to move out by the 1st. He was totally okay with it, said he's sorry for what I'm going through etc etc. Then started a huge fight with my mom saying I'm taking advantage and I'm using them I just can't imagine saying that about my own children who need a bit of help to get back on their feet. AT ALL. My mom isn't much better, she doesn't complain as much but she's constantly huffing and puffing about the kids being cranky or just being kids in general and when I ask her to watch them for 15 mins or so, so I can get a shower she makes a huge deal like we're just such a burden to her. I tip toe around them every single day it's making me CRAZY!!! In the mornings I have my daughter in the bathroom with me while I shower and it takes twice as long bc I'm constantly trying to keep her out of crap (my dad refuses to baby proof he says she "needs to learn"). This has turned into a rant lol, sorry. SO...now, my parents are in this huge fight and I told them forget it I'll move out since I'm just such a burden and you can't stand it for 2 more weeks. We can go to my grandparents but we WON'T have a room at all we'll have to sleep in the living room. It's worth it though. My grandparents are my biggest support system ever, they never treat us as a burden, help out as much as possible, they have my kids while I work. I couldn't be more grateful for them. It just makes me so sad not only for me but my children that my parents can't help us out while we get back on our feet. In no way do I WANT to live with them. I WANT/NEED my own place asap but there's only so much I can do with the options around here and my income alone! I pretty much grew up at my grandparents for the same reasons. My dad (he's actually my stepdad) and I have a hard time getting along I can usually only live with them for 3 months at a time before I go back to my grandparents. It's been like this my whole life. I absolutely won't treat my children like this...I won't let them live off of me forever of course but if they need help I'll be there I hope this doesn't come off as being ungrateful bc I absolutely am not. I'm very thankful they gave us a roof over our head. Thanks for getting this far if you did!!! Feel free to leave any advice and please no judgement This is not where I want to be in life but I am taking the steps to make it better..

 

[.Mrs.B.]

 

[LoveCakes]

So sorry you're in this position, it sounds like you have a long history with your parents.

The priority on a practical level seems to be deciding what's best for your kids in the meantime. How much are they aware of the feelings at your parents? Moving them twice in one month would be so disruptive it may be better to hold out if you can unless they are being upset by all the arguing.

Are your grandparents the same side of the family as your mum? Could they help by talking to heR?

Hope it all works out, just hold on to the fact that in a few weeks you'll be in a better place literally and figuratively.

 

[kissesandhugs]

So sorry you're in this position, it sounds like you have a long history with your parents.

The priority on a practical level seems to be deciding what's best for your kids in the meantime. How much are they aware of the feelings at your parents? Moving them twice in one month would be so disruptive it may be better to hold out if you can unless they are being upset by all the arguing.

Are your grandparents the same side of the family as your mum? Could they help by talking to heR?

Hope it all works out, just hold on to the fact that in a few weeks you'll be in a better place literally and figuratively.

We stay at my grandparents some days of the week already, anyways, I don't think it'll be too disruptive to them. I guess I won't really know until they realize we're staying there more than 2 nights in a row. My parents and I haven't fought around the kids at all, it's been mostly through text and facebook messaging. Besides that, I apparently don't have a choice anymore. My parents are done fighting and "it's best" I stay at my grandparents now. According to them. My grandparents are on same side as my mom and there's not really much they can say to HER bc she'll just claim "It's not me, it's Rick (dad)" and she won't want to listen to any of it. My grandpa DID talk with my dad yesterday but he wasn't very nice about it so my dad just got pissed rather than listening to anything he said.

I have another lead on an apartment that's significantly less rent than what I would be paying in October. So I'm keeping my fx on that one.

Thank you

 

[6lilpigs]

Good luck with everything, Your doing right by learning from their behaviour and not wanting to carry it on to your kids xx

 

[kissesandhugs]

My dad just won't stop! Now, he's telling my mom to tell me to get my stuff out of the spare bedroom. I have NO WHERE to put it. I don't even have anywhere to put my clothes I have to go back and forth to get clothes just for the next day. I didn't even do anything wrong for him to treat us like this. I'm so damn hurt. I told my mom I'm not talking to him and if he wants to see the kids then they can take them (which they won't bc they're just a burden to them) and my mom says "Yeah like that will make things better" I don't really give a fuck to make things better???? He kicked me and his grandkids out for NO reason at all I'm not kissing his ass. I'm so upset. I want to take it out on my ex oh too for putting us in this position to begin with. I SHOULD be in my own home with my own family but I'm not bc of him and his drug use. I'm so lucky to have my grandparents bc if I didn't I'd have no one.

 

[kissesandhugs]

ugh it just gets messier My dad just messaged me apologizing and saying he doesn't want us sleeping on the floor to come back home and I can stay until I get a place and he'll be on his 'best behavior' I don't want to forgive him at all but it is better there for us. I just don't know I don't want to go there just for him to get in a bad mood again and kick us out. I'm so confused.

 

[.Mrs.B.]

That really sucks and I agree I could never treat my children and grandchildren like that. I would want better for them.
We had our BIL live with us for about 8 months when I was pregnant with my first. It was really inconvenient, we were trying to decorate the hall and nursery plus he had my 4yo neice half the time. My neice was allowed by him to eat all around the house and even drew on our carpet. I never once said anything or asked how long he would be with us, I would much rather they be happy than have an empty pristine house to myself.
Sorry I rambled on a bit but my point is that I would always put myself out for family and I just cant understand why your parents would rather an empty house than to help their own family. I'm sorry you're going through this, the kids deserve better and I hope they are happily unaware of what's going on.

 

[kissesandhugs]

Just wanted to give an update. We've been staying at my grandparents but visiting my parents often. Things are better I've decided to continue staying at my grandparents, it's just better for us. Plus, they babysit my kids so it's easier already being there than having to drop them off in the morning. More good news. I found a place!!! It's a perfect home for us and we move on October 7th. I've been blabbing it everywhere and a very superstitious part of me is *hoping* I don't jinx it but I'm trying really hard to be positive. It sounds like it'll be perfectly fine though, the lease is getting emailed to me here soon. It's a 3 bedroom home 'legally' BUT it truly has 5 bedrooms, a basement, back yard, deck, mostly hard wood floors. Storage GALORE. A garage, beautiful neighborhood, right in town which is great for me. Even a laundry shoot which I think is just the greatest thing ever Things are looking up *knock on wood*

 

[Bevziibubble]

So glad you've found a place! Got everything crossed for you that things go smoothly!

 

[Eleanor ace]

Yay for finding a place! Living with parents as an adult can be super stressful, no matter how much you love each other it is hard to be on top of each other. Hopefully once you're out your relationship with your parents will keep on improving

 

[kissesandhugs]

I'm currently having a TON of anxiety over this new house thing. It's all sounding really great, and somewhat on track but Monday, I had asked if they wanted me to email the lease back to them signed or meet up to sign to which the wife (landlord) said she'd ask her husband and get back with me. Well, hours later, she messaged back and asked for 2 references and explained they didn't ask before bc they have never rented to anyone who hasn't been someone they know personally, she said her husband said he'd really like to do this first. Which I totally understood and gave them our last two landlords, and both will give a good reference so I'm not worried but what I AM worried about is them thinking about backing out since they haven't rented to anyone they didn't know before? I'm so damn nervous and for some reason things seem to fall apart every time it's starting to come together I have anxiety and overthink ANYWAYS so this is really freaking me out and my mind is just going, going, going. I messaged her twice yesterday, first one was the cell number to one of the landlords (bc I only gave the home one) second message was the number to my other landlord bc I didn't have it on hand at the time. She saw both messages but never messaged back so of course that has me going as well. I'm thinking about messaging her again today and just saying 'Hi I just wanted to follow up and see if you guys were able to get ahold of the references and make sure it was still okay to go ahead with transferring the deposit to you on Friday?' I don't want to bug them or sound desperate though I just wish I had the keys in hand then I can go on to worry about something else