In denial about becoming a mum of 2 (well) under 2

Discussion in 'Toddler & Pre-School' started by Boo44, Oct 2, 2013.

  1. Boo44

    Boo44 Mummy of 2 boys

    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2011
    Messages:
    5,477
    Likes Received:
    0
    So I'm due on New Year's Day which is creeping pretty close when I stop and think about it. Our baby was a surprise (really truly) and took some getting used to the idea. I had an ideal age gap in mind, and the 18 month age gap to-be was not it. I think I've basically pushed the idea of another baby into the back of my mind!
    I'm still so wrapped up in my current baby I just can't imagine having another! I mean me and my mum are still in the sickly stage of where we go out for coffee and just talk about how beautiful and clever he is (yuk!). My mum is really excited for number 2, and I am as well, only I keep feeling like I can't imagine it.

    My son is 'good' and in a great routine at the moment. I have a sinking feeling I can't be lucky twice. I can't actually imagine getting up at night again and then looking after jack in the day. But obviously I have no choice and hopefully when it happens it will all fall into place...!

    I don't really know what the point of this thread was, other than perhaps some mums may have felt the same and can give me some hope!
     
  2. Eleanor ace

    Eleanor ace Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2010
    Messages:
    15,185
    Likes Received:
    36
    Although DD was planned I think I was in denial too, I think didn't really expect to have a baby, until she was here! Other people I know ho were pregnant around the same time said the same. And now, I can't believe I ever had just one baby. Honestly don't sweat it, when LO is here it will fall into place, and it won't be as hard as your worrying it will be!
     
  3. Banshee

    Banshee Mother of 2 boys

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2009
    Messages:
    2,023
    Likes Received:
    0
    I have 18 months between my two boys and ds2's arrival was a complete (happy) accident.
    As pp said, I now can't imagine what it was like only having one child. It hasn't always been plain sailing but it hasn't been too bad. I adore my boys and it is lovely to hear them playing together now.
     
  4. _Vicky_

    _Vicky_ Mum to twins

    Joined:
    May 22, 2009
    Messages:
    7,767
    Likes Received:
    0
    I have 14 minutes between mine I'd never changed a napoy before they arrived and I had two newborns to deal with! Not relevant at all to your situation but I bet you feel better now that you are having one not two ;-)

    I STILL panic at the thought of raising twins and they're 3.5!!

    You'll be fab you know you will xxx
     
  5. seoj

    seoj Our family of four...

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2010
    Messages:
    12,523
    Likes Received:
    0
    I haven't personally- although I've forgot my pill a couple time (eesh) and had a bit of a scare- even though I have fertility issues, I don't want to assume it won't/can't happen- but I have a couple friends who's 2nd was a bit of a surprise-- thus they ended up with 2 very close in age- like 13-16mos apart... and although it has it's challenges (doesn't every kid?) and maybe there weren't 100% thrilled, at first, they obviously cannot imagine it any other way now. ;)
     
  6. TTC First

    TTC First Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2012
    Messages:
    1,814
    Likes Received:
    0
    I think that as long as you are organized and plan ahead you will be fine. I am a foster parent so I don't get 9 months to prepare. I have a 9 month old and now a 3 week old. The house is busy but as long as I stay on top of things they go smooth.
     
  7. charlotte-xo

    charlotte-xo Alfie and Darcey's mummy

    Joined:
    May 18, 2010
    Messages:
    7,554
    Likes Received:
    0
    Honestly you will be fine :hugs: alf was a couple of months over 2 when darcey was born and I won't lie it was hard for everyone to adjust and all the planning for 9 months I did went out of the window. Just go with the flow enjoy the last months with it just being you and your lo and when bAby no2 is here you'll wonder what all the fuss was about.

    Xx
     
  8. CT125

    CT125 Mum and growing #2

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2012
    Messages:
    1,077
    Likes Received:
    0
    :hugs:no advice, but your post pretty much summed up where I am and how I feel just now!
     
  9. aimee-lou

    aimee-lou Totally Outnumbered!!

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2008
    Messages:
    12,411
    Likes Received:
    0
    I've got 3 under 4 and 15 months between the 2 youngest.

    Yeah, it's hard at times, and tiring, but mainly it's the peripheral things like washing, washing up, housework, shopping....all the inconvenient stuff lol. The actual children are (at the moment) not an issue.

    What's nice about the 2 youngest is that they are growing up so close together that they're already very loving. My eldest is almost a seperate thing - going to school, having friends etc, but he's very involved and loving.

    Try not to worry, just deal with it as it happens. Stressing helps no-one and the babies pick up on it. Don't be afraid to ask for help. If someone is sat there doing nothing enlist them to do a feed or entertain someone.

    Good luck - and don't worry. how you're feeling is completely normal so just allow yourself to cry and let the emotions out.
     
  10. sheebee

    sheebee Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2012
    Messages:
    587
    Likes Received:
    1
    I know someone who had 4 under 18months ... That's right, 2 sets of twins! The second pregnancy was a surprise but 3 yrs later she looks back and says ''it actually wasn't that bad'' ... I think she's super woman! X
     
  11. minties

    minties Complete

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2009
    Messages:
    15,644
    Likes Received:
    12
    I had a larger gap of 23 months, but recall vividly feeling like that. Denial, and not being able to comprehend having 2 kids. How would it work? How would I copë? What would Thomas think and feel? Would I even like the new baby? When would we get a routine? Would it all just seem too much?

    I can't pinpoint the exact moment, but things did end up wonderfully wonderful! Thomas was a bit jealous at first, but mainly ignored Sophie really. He still loved me, he didn't resent me. I had a hard time bonding with Sophie, but when I did, I fell for her hard. I just think she's the most amazing, beautiful girl ever. Last night I picked her up out of her cot at almost midnight, just to cuddle her and gaze at her by the light of my cellphone. Her little face was smooshed up against my arm, mouth slightly open, eyebrows twitching, and one little hand reached up to rest on my face.

    The magic of having a baby is just as special with #2. And the bond that Thomas and Sophie are creating is amazing to watch. Right now they are shrieking with laughter and playing a soet of peekaboo/hide and go seek game. Sophie is laughing so hard that her eyes are wet.

    There are hard times every day, like late afternoons and early mornings when everyone seems a bit hungry and grumpy, but they arë minor things which I would be having with a toddler this age anyway.

    I'm definetly happy with having had Sophie, she's added so much to our lives. it was much easier going from 1 to 2 than 0 to 1.
     
  12. Boo44

    Boo44 Mummy of 2 boys

    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2011
    Messages:
    5,477
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thank you so much minties! A lot of what you said rings so true for me. I'm always going and picking jack out of his cot before I go to bed just for a cuddle. OH thinks I'm crazy. You brought tears to my eyes! I know I have the capacity to love another baby like I do jack and I'm unbelievably lucky to get to give it a go :) I'm just a bit OCD and freaking out about routines etc. all you lovely girls have told me it's not as hard as I'm thinking and that helps. So pleased to be able to come on here and find like-minded people to help me!!! X
     
  13. Ganton

    Ganton Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2009
    Messages:
    1,620
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thank you SO much for this, Minties. I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant and will have a 20 month gap and this describes how I feel at the moment. There are just so many unknowns, and I think the hardest bit is not knowing the new baby yet. I love my little boy so much more than I ever thought possible, and it's just hard to imagine having another baby, probably with a different personality, and loving them just as much. I am so so happy to be having another baby and I do already love my little bump, and I know that love will get stronger all the time, but it's just hard to imagine what it will be like.
     
  14. LeoLeah77

    LeoLeah77 Mommy to Ava Rose

    Joined:
    May 21, 2012
    Messages:
    1,069
    Likes Received:
    0
    Bloody hell!!! What a woman!!! I was proud of myself for having one, getting housework done, working part time and always putting tea on the table for lo and oh every night even before a work shift. But my god, now I feel inferior! I don't know how lucky I got it lol!
     
  15. LeoLeah77

    LeoLeah77 Mommy to Ava Rose

    Joined:
    May 21, 2012
    Messages:
    1,069
    Likes Received:
    0
    I love this thread. It puts my mind at ease at the thought of having a second baby. But it's making me extremely broody so I might have to stop reading!!!
     
  16. xxVickyxx

    xxVickyxx Jacob & Joshua's Mummy xx

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2011
    Messages:
    942
    Likes Received:
    15
    I have a 10.5 month age gap between my boys and I remember thinking how can I possibly love another child as much as I love jacob? My 2nd was actually planned but half way through my pregnancy I started having feeling of "have I done the right thing" "how selfish have I been wanting another straight away" "Jacobs going to feel pushed out" "there's noway am gun a love him like Jacob" well I can tell you, ALL them feelings went away the minute and second Joshua was born, yes it's extremely hard at times, I won't lie, I can hardly leave the house when am home alone but just seeing the bond developing between them as time goes by is amazing. I love both my boys more than anything in this world and I love them both the same. Jacob loves his little brother and rubs his head saying awww baby. I must add my first has been a really really high needs baby and still is but I was lucky as in my 2nd is a dream. My first still wakes ups umpteen times a night and my 2nd wakes 1-3 times but I honestly and truthfully would do it again in a heartbeat xx
     
  17. Eternal

    Eternal Three boys!

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2009
    Messages:
    10,041
    Likes Received:
    0
    I had three under 2, and about to have 4, 4 and under!

    When the twins were born it was all a bit of a blur, it was so hard. But that was twins and a highly busy and bright toddler (currently being assessed for autism and ADHD), so it was a lot and hubby works a lot so I was really on my own most of the time with little support.

    Even if it's hard, it will get better, I can't believe how much easier things are now, I was just getting used to having a handle on everything and a surprise new baby pops up lol.

    I'm sure you will be fine though and its lovely they are close and will play together in a few years! Mine all play together, it's nice, although they are quite wild but that's three boys! Lol
     
  18. Boo44

    Boo44 Mummy of 2 boys

    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2011
    Messages:
    5,477
    Likes Received:
    0
    Wow Vicky and eternal! With those age gaps/multiples then if you can do it I can! Thanks for all the support on this thread everyone :) And keep telling me your stories you don't know how much better it's making me feel :)
     
  19. stephanie1990

    stephanie1990 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2011
    Messages:
    669
    Likes Received:
    0
    Im 2 weeks in with my new lo and ella. Ella is 15 months and amelia is 2 weeks. I am a complete routine freak but it works for me. I love the house clean. Ella sorted out. Bathed and in bed by 7.30 for example. Also ella has always been a very good little girl with everything so when I found out I was pregnant I was so scared and I didnt think it was real there was times when I forgot that I was pregnant and I know that sounds terrible. As soon as amelia was born and placed on my chest the bond was unbelievable. Not going to lie. 2 weeks and im finding it really tough. It takes me ages to leave the house. My ironing pile is getting bigger and bigger and the sleep deprivation is started to hit me now hard but one thing that keeps me strong is reading se of the posts from ladies on here. Iv read lots of posts saying it gets eaiser with time sobi guess for me iv got to be patient. You will be ok hun! Theres lots of us out there with 2 under 2! :-D
     
  20. Boo44

    Boo44 Mummy of 2 boys

    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2011
    Messages:
    5,477
    Likes Received:
    0
    That sounds a lot like me. I like my routine and jack looking clean and tidy (at least at the start of the day!) tea at 6, bed at 7.30 etc. I'm worried how I'll cope with losing a grip of his routine and what effect it will have on him too...
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice