In dire need of support

[Saranna80]

Hi ladies,
I really don't want this to be yet another depressing post as there seem to be so many but I just feel the need for some support from folks that understand. I am currently 10+3 weeks in my fifth pregnancy, 2 of which were totally trouble free and resulted in two wonderful daughters
I have no reason to believe that this is nothing other than a healthy pregnancy. I have now passed the time of both previous miscarriages and saw this baby's heart beating at 8+3. again, I'm thrilled but there are a number of things that are making me feel terribly uneasy.
Firstly, when I conceived, I was taking citalopram for depression. Over the last few weeks, I have very carefully worked to it down to just 10mg - I'm pleased with myself for this but seriously worried about the damage I may have already caused to my unborn baby. I was also smoking about 20 a day when I conceived. Again, I've gone cold turkey and quit (as with previous pregnancies) but I have stolen the odd ciggie from my hubby at times when home life is particularly stressful - nobody knows about this at all and I'm feeling awful guilty
Lastly, I'm 'obese' with a Bmi of 40.
I just feel like I've failed before I've even begun and I can't talk to anyone about any of it without sounding like a completely negative ninny. There are days when I convince myself the baby has died and just wait to bleed and I can't discuss this with anyone.
I'm not even sure why I'm writing all this on here! I know I've found this a supportive place in the past and I guess I'm hoping that ill find that support again.
Is there anyone out there that can understand why I'm feeling so bloody unhappy and uneasy right now?! I have to wait until I'm 13 weeks for my next scan - its killing me.
Xxx

 

[Drsamyjohn]

Right here. I'm having alot of the same feelings...after three mc back to back (D&C 7/2/13) I got a bfp just Thursday. I was so down and feeling sorry for myself that I was drinking. Not drunk drinking but quite frequently. I'm also on a maintenance medication that has had no study's done as to safety during pregnancy. I am just 4 1/2 weeks but feeling very doubtful and waiting for the bleeding or bad news from doc.

I don't think there's much we can do about the trepidation. We've been here before and it hasn't ended well, caused alot of pain. There's also nothing we can do about what we did before we knew we were pregnant. And I really don't think it is a huge factor because we quit doing them. Idk, I would feel differently if it were illicit drugs I guess, but it wasn't.

Try not to beat yourself up. I'm doing my best to repeat my new mantra. Whatever will be will be.

Best of luck to you!

 

[Saranna80]

Good luck to you too.
I'll try that mantra x

 

[floridamomma]

ladies try not to beat yourselves up. when I was pregnant(didn't know yet) with my youngest I got drunk, rode rollercoasters, probably took some meds not anything really strong ibuprofen and such,worked fulltime lifting up to 50lbs and was a ft student. I felt so guilty about all of it but he my ds is about to be 4 in dec and a smart and sweet little boy. good luck ladies!