In-Laws staying after baby born - Question.

[Sunshine12]

Thanks folks. There is no way that my OH will have any of them staying in a hotel as we have a really big house and live very remotely. They wouldnt for one minute expect to have to either TBH (although I dont mind that part as his mum has bad arthritis and his dad is 80 and I would feel terrible if they had to stay in a hotel anyway.) My OH would do all the cooking, cleaning etc (which he does anyway) but I just wouldnt feel right about having them here. Im just going to put my foot down if they suggest it and say that they cant come until I feel ready. I want to get into a routine before its even discussed. It may well be that its just him that assumes they will want to come immediately. Im hoping as they have brought up 4 children they will realise that a new mum needs time at the beginning. Watch this space!! xx

 

[Wishing_well]

I'm in exactly the same position! My parents live about 10 minutes down the road so I don't mind them popping in for an hour or so, but m OHs parents live 2 hours away. I definiteh don't want them staying in my house, especially for a couple of days after the baby is born. I haven't brought it up with my OH yet but I'm adamant - no visitors for at least 3 days after we get home. And no one staying in our house.
If its unreasonable, then he can go and stay elsewhere. I'm not having anyone make me feel even more uncomfortable than I expect I'll feel just after giving birth.
Plus I want us to bond as a little family for the first few days!

 

[Charlie_x]

bahaha inlaws staying?? if mine stayed they wouldnt make it back home alive! Put your foot down your not be unreasnabale at all!! More than anything why doesnt he want to spend time just with you and his baby and not have his parents there running around after them?

 

[MarcsMrs]

My mother & step-dad will be leaving to make the 5hr drive to our house the minute I call to say Im in labour! My mum will be staying with me for over a week to help me get into a routine with baby. Thankfully my DH understands that his mother is over -bearing & drives me MAD telling me what to do so he has told her that we will let her know when we are settled so she can visit! She also lives 5hrs away & lucky for me doesnt drive so she cant just turn up on our doorstep (to be honest she has only visited once in the last 5 years & she wouldnt know where the new house is anyway!!!)

 

[bellaswedus]

everyone has to do what they feel is right. but i would give my right arm to have both mine and my oh parents at the hospital when we give birth as well as have them stay with us when we get home for a week or two. i just want them to be part of this experience all the way because they will be important part of our babies life. i am from sweden and my oh is from norway and we live in the states. we have asked them to come and hopefully both sets will be with us and share this wonderful experience. but again this is a choice each has to make. i don't think my oh and i will bond less with our baby because our parents are in the same house. it will be a great memory for us all to have.

 

[Sunshine12]

everyone has to do what they feel is right. but i would give my right arm to have both mine and my oh parents at the hospital when we give birth as well as have them stay with us when we get home for a week or two. i just want them to be part of this experience all the way because they will be important part of our babies life. i am from sweden and my oh is from norway and we live in the states. we have asked them to come and hopefully both sets will be with us and share this wonderful experience. but again this is a choice each has to make. i don't think my oh and i will bond less with our baby because our parents are in the same house. it will be a great memory for us all to have.

I think its lovely that lovely you feel like that. This baby will be a major part of both my parents and his parents lives but I dont feel I need them to be there straight away for that to happen. I would most definately not want my parents and his here at the same time. Im actually shuddering at the very thought!

 

[judge12]

That's the problem, if in laws stay they are your guests and you have to look after them and the baby.

Chances of my husband family wanting stay are zero but I be the same...too much going on at start.

I do understand your oh point of view though too.

 

[babyblog]

This took me right back to when I had LO. My in laws live 4 hours Away and my OH was obv keen for them to see him when young.I was dreading, tried to put my foot down and said to Oh they should stay in a hotel but he wouldn't hear of it.So when LO was 13 days old, after I had an emergency c section and was struggling to bf they came t stay for 2 nights, I had my MiL,FIL, SIL and 4 year old niece! I was fuming, they took LO downstairs to give him bottles when I was trying to BF- they thought the were trying to help by giving me a lie in. the weekend wasn't as bad as I thought, but was still hard work and. Was pleased when they went home. this time I am expecting the same, except my SIL is preg and due 2 weeks after me so I know she won't be u for coming down so it may just be MIL and FIL.I might go and stay with my parents

 

[Leila Fae]

I wouldn't want anyone staying in my house after we get back from the hospital - mind you, our spare room will be a nursery by then! Fortunately my mum lives very near by as does my sister. My in-laws are a few hours drive away but if they choose to come down they will have to stay in a hotel.

We want to see DH's grandad as soon as we can though - he's 94 and ailing so we want him to see his great-grandson, especially as we're naming baby after him

I'm happy to have visitors when we're back home but it'll mainly be me, DH, Andrew and the cats

 

[sannod]

I really can't relate as I don't have any inlaws in this country but my family is quite large. I loved having people come visit and they were all so helpful with the baby. I was in so much pain for the first 2 weeks that I never would have survived without their help. In my mind isolation at such a time might make things feel even more strange to you. We never can imagine how we will feel after a birth, it is never quite what we expect. My family would always be there to help and certainly would expect nothing in return but I suppose not all people would be so considerate.

I'm very close to my family and would feel hurt if they were not there to share everything with me. While in the hospital I had at least one visitor all day and at home for the first week was quite busy. At our welcoming party we had more than 65 people show up to meet our baby one of which was a friend who came from another town who I asked to stay with us but he felt more comfortable in a hotel. I have said this before though I believe in community raising of a child and so this deffinitely sways my opinion.

I was at high risk for baby blues as well since I already suffer from mood disorders and I strongly believe that all the friendship and support I received after the birth really prevented it from happening.

I'm sure it will all work out in the end and you will still have your amazing momments together.

 

[NuKe]

HELL NO. i wudnt even have my own parents stay that soon!

 

[bumpycat]

Mentioned this thread to OH as he was heading off for choir ... his response was to say:

"Ok, one thing is clear from the start for us, right? NO ONE STAYS IN THIS HOUSE."

Smooch. Out the door.

Hilarious. Our house is small, but we do have a spare bedroom for now. It will eventually be the nursery, but since baby will be in our room at first, we're not changing the furniture till it's needed and we have a better idea of what baby needs/wants. Technically we could have guests. But no. The foot has been put down, and not mine for once.

 

[Sunshine12]

Mentioned this thread to OH as he was heading off for choir ... his response was to say:

"Ok, one thing is clear from the start for us, right? NO ONE STAYS IN THIS HOUSE."

Smooch. Out the door.

Hilarious. Our house is small, but we do have a spare bedroom for now. It will eventually be the nursery, but since baby will be in our room at first, we're not changing the furniture till it's needed and we have a better idea of what baby needs/wants. Technically we could have guests. But no. The foot has been put down, and not mine for once.

Awww thats so sweet! x