In-laws!!!

[mummy2b]

OMG!! Can someone please give me some advice before I loose it!!!

I am 23+3weeks pregnant with my first baby & me and my boyfriend are looking for a house to rent in nuneaton (where my family live and where all my support is close by), but my boyfriends family all live in Bedworth and they have been really funny with me and are making snide remarks and comments about how far it is for them to come see the baby everyday, and how Nuneaton isn't a nice area etc etc (you can guess the rest)!
They also comment on the babies name that me and my boyfriend choose between us (Paige).
Early on in the pregnancy I had a lot of trouble with his sister and she was very abusive, but I decided to be the better person and get on with it, but now all i'm getting is horrible bitchy remarks!! I can't decide what to do, because the last thing I want is arguments, but I would rather sort things out now rather than when there is baby in the middle of it!!
Also my boyfriends mum keeps saying that she is going to come and stay with us for a couple of weeks when i've had the baby I don't want or need her there all the time! I want the 1st few weeks to be for me and my boyfriend to be mummy and daddy with our 1st baby! If I need support I would rather my mum be there with me, and of course I won't mind his mum coming round to visit occasionally!

I hope you understand that I am not being horrible, I am just feeling so clostraphobic with them constantly voicing their opinions and I feel as if I am getting left out of my own babies life and she isn't even born yet!

Please someone give me some advice, cause it is really getting me down!!

Thanks Alex xxx

 

[jenny873]

dont let anybody patronise you ive had all of that put your foot down now before its too late and let them know that its not on and its not going to happen, especially the staying with you part from his mum i put my foot down with my own mum and she took it better than i thought! x

 

[elles28]

Oh hun sorry you are having to deal with this....but I say start as you mean to go on...do what suits you not them after all you are the one having the baby not them put yourself 1st & make sure your OH backs you up

 

[mummy2b]

I know my boyfriend will back me up! I just know that if I the wrong thing at the wrong time they will argue!! I don't want to offend anyone, but I guess your right, i've got to put my foot down now! It'll only get worse otherwise!! I just hope they do take it better than I think they will!!

Really upset about it all, and don't know what to do!!

xx

 

[jenny873]

well dont upset urself and by the way Paige is a lovely name! its ur life so just take control of it before u get too far along and they will just take advantage of you being tired and fed up and patronise you even more. tell them now and give them time to get over it im sure they will lol x

 

[taylor2]

Whenever my boyfriends mom tries to get in the middle of something, I tell him to regulate! And he usually does. If you do not feel comfortable having her come stay with you, tell your bf to tell her that HE would rather it be just the two of you until you call on her for help. That way you don't end up being the bad guy. How does your BF feel about it? Does HE want her to come stay with you guys? Also, about the comments, I am not sure what you can do or say to make them stop, but definitely make it known that you do not appreciate them.

 

[Always&4ever]

I'm sorry your having so much trouble hun, try not to let anybody patronise you

 

[ColtonsMom]

I know how you feel. Right now we live wiht my OH's mom. She has basically said that if the baby wasn't raised how she wanted it she would call the law/DHS on us! I've been around babies all my life, and have had more recent experience than she has had. Her son, my OH, who is 23, is the baby in their family!! Plus, she smokes like a fraight train, and I've even told OH that I dont think she could breath in a room of fresh air, her body would probably go into convulsions.

If I were you, I would probably just tell her that you want the first few weeks with baby to be a bonding experience for you, your OH, and baby. That you are choosing not to have someone else there all the time so that you two can bond as a family. And if you dont feel comfortable, have your OH tell her.

 

[Redhorse xxx]

Sweetie, that is a tough one- sorry they are upsetting you like this. Paige is a lovely name, so sucks to them if they don't like it. As for OH's sister, don't let her bother you- sticks and stones eh?... Echo what has already been said. It is natural that his Mum wants to be involved though.To play devil's advocate- she will feel a little bit put out that you will be living further from her side of the family, but I know Bedworth really isn't that far by train or bus to Nuneaton (I used to live in Wood End, nr Atherstone so I know the area well). And like everyone has already said, you have a right to live where you want to and not be overcrowded by your OH's family.

Tell her that you appreciate her wanting to come and stay to help with the LO, but you will sort it out closer to the time so that you can share the support needed between your mum and her equally as that will make it fairer.

Try to make the best of it hun. With the best will in the world, you might think that you will just want it to be you and your partner for the first few weeks, but take it from an experienced second time Mum- you need all the help you can get in those first two weeks.

You and your OH will be shattered, worried and not getting much time together with a new baby and the demands it places on your time and energy.

I hope I am making sense

Take Care,

Redhorse xxx

 

[Jules]

mumm2b, i now exactly how your feeling as i have had this with my MIL!! She wanted to come help me for a week or so, i had words with my OH and he told her we would ask if we need help but we dont need her to come stay!

I had the same thing with names too, "i dont like this but we all like that"!! i was fuming, so now i am just not going to tell them any names until i have decided and then its tough if they dont like it!

In fact i have had some trouble this weekend as i was told, i wont be able to look after the baby all the time!!! so again me and my OH sort of fell out about this and he has yet again had words. Its my baby!!!! i am not having a child to palm it off with other people all the time!

sorry to rant! just wanted to let you know your not alone in this subject!

 

[Linzi]

It is a pretty tough one. We live about 100 miles away from my parents, but Matts parents live round the corner. My mam and dad have said that they want us to make the effort to visit them because they want to be a part of their grandchilds life undertsandably, but we're the ones with the baby, so it should be a 50/50 thing IMO, we should make the effort but they should too. If you agree to go back wards and forwards but take turns then that might make it a bit easier for them I suppose. I think thats what we're going to do anyway.

As for your in laws... she probably is just trying to help, I doubt she's being nasty but maybe your OH should have a word with her and say rather than her moving in, you dont mind her coming over every couple of days, but if you feel like you need the help then you'll give her a ring? Something like that.

I hope it gets easier for you hun, its so hard trying to please everyone, but at the end of the day theres no need for you too! Just do what you want! Its your time.

xxx

 

[babybels71]

Wow, yes, that is a tough one, but, at the end of the day it's your partner and your baby, nobody elses, you just need to be honest. You don't need to shut them out completely but explain that you want your first moments together to be for the both of you.

 

[cparks1]

I'm sorry that people are making things complicated for you. I would sit down with your bf and let him know how you feel about his family always being in your business and putting their two cents in. He should be the one to stand up for you and the baby. You two are starting your own family, his family needs to let go and let you two figure things out on your own. It sounds like they are trying to control every aspect of your lives. You two are both adults and are capable of doing things on your own, maybe let them know that. It's nice that they want to help, but not so nice how controlling they are trying to be. Paige is a great name (my hubby and I actually have picked that name for a girl and so far everyone loves it).

I hope things turn around for you and your bf. Just remember, at the end of the day, it's just you and him and not anyone else in between. Good luck to you.

 

[mummy2b]

Well, I tried to tell them nicely that if I needed my boyfriends mum's help then I would ring and ask for it but that I did not need her to be there constantly and his sister was fuming that I was not allowing her to stay at our house! I used the excuse that it is a small 2 bedroom house and there simply isn't room. I was polite at 1st but i soon got more persuasive lol! I think she got the message.
All I've had now is remarks such as "Well I hope your capable of giving a new born baby 100% of your attention" and it's really upsetting! But hey like you said 'Sticks & Stones'!!! I hope they start being nicer and more understanding else I don't think I can put up with it for much longer, and the way they are heading I won't want them to come round at all!
I understand that I am young, but I want this baby girl more than anything else in the world and I am determined to make the best of it! Me and my boyfriend are going to make great parents and I hope that I am going to prove them wrong lol!
Keeping my head up!
Will keep you informed hehe!
Luv to you all
xxxx

PS Hope everything is good for you guys!! xxxx

 

[Jules]

Arrggh so annoying in-laws aint they! i'm having the same problems with them interfering, a girl wants her own mum!

Anyway, glad you feel better for getting off your chest!

 

[Ellianna]

Mmm thats a tough situation.
I think the only thing you can do is put your foot down which I know is easier said than done! The thing is though, if you never tell the MIL how you feel then she'll just use the excuse that she never knew. What about having a coffee with her with just you guys on your own and saying how much you appreciate her help and would love her to come and see the baby but you would prefer it to be just you and your OH at first so you can adjust to being parents. And about where you're living.. I think you just need to tell her that that's where you're going to live and that's the end of it!
I know it can be hard having those kind of conversations but it could be better for all of you in the long term if you establish boundries now rather than when you have a new born baby and need the added stress even less. You never know, she might suprise you in what she says.
Hope it all works out babe!!

xx

 

[captain-ally]

Hey,

I have the same thing happening, in a way. We want to move from London to Vancouver Island. My parents would crucify me if we left before the baby was born, and now they're implying that there's no escape for at least a couple of years. On top of that, my mother in law will be MOVING IN WITH US.

What you have to do is be strong and straight forward. I told my parents that we were moving, as soon as we could. They can come and visit whenever they want, but they couldn't be delusional about me staying. They know I hate London. And I made sure to say that we would manage fine on our own. Even my husband's mother has to wait a couple of months before she moves in with us.

Women have been having/raising babies for quite a while now and it won't be any different for either of us. Just tell them that having them there will only stress you out, which is the last thing you need. You shouldn't have to worry about house guests when you have a baby to look after.

~Ally

 

[mummy2b]

I am hopefully moving in next month into our house! And I am getting a front door that can't be opened on the outside without a key and no-one but me and lee are having 1 lol!!! i'm going to have nets in the front window so if i can't be arsed to answer the door to anyone then I don't have to lol!! I aint bothered anymore how much it annoys them because at the end of the day I have tried really hard to be nice to them and they throw it back in my face!! So now I am calling the shots whether they like it or not! I tried telling them nicely and now I am going to just do what will make me lee and paige happy!!!!!! xx

 

[Linzi]

Anyone can make a good parent as long as they want to. Your age doesnt come into that.

Its good that youve spoken to them though and itll feel even better when you prove them wrong!

xxx

 

[KarenLV]

If you move closer to them,you will have this kind of drama every day of your life. In fact,move farther away! Run while you can! He-he. On a more serious note,you and your boyfriend are adults and make your own choices. Paige is a lovely name. If you want to live in an area where your comfortable and your boyfriend is happy with that,then tell him to explain that to his family because if you do it yourself they will resent you. Your boyfriend needs to pull up his socks and stand up for his own soon-to-be little family. Good luck!