Information?

[violetchic]

HI all,

I'm now moved from TTC to TTC after a loss. I found out I was pregnant on April 1st (and, in retrospect, that's kind of ironic). I should have been about 5-6 weeks, but HcG levels were low. Started bleeding on April 8th. Feeling spent. HcG levels are still up (dr. didn't tell me what they are), so have to apparently keep repeating the test until they are zero. Been bleeding for almost 3 days, but bleeding is fairly light. The dr. said my levels were not doubling as they should. Just didn't feel pregnant the moment I started bleeding, so I figured.

I know it was early, but I'm feeling very sad and don't feel like doing anything. Had to work both Th and Fri, so that was hard. DH is out at work this weekend, so I'm home alone with my 3 year old. Just going through the motions. So many friends pregnant...now it's hard to talk to them. I still am happy for them, but they keep saying "it will happen." I'm not sure it will. Feel so hopeless...just feel that that is something people say to make you feel better...that's not a fact. Was supposed to have this baby by Christmas, so that will be hard. Keep thinking about that. Wish I could stop and just sleep all weekend.

Anyway, I was wondering if someone had some good resources they could provide for me...such as what all this means, was it something I did or could have prevented, when will my cycle come back, could this prevent future pregnancies, when can I start trying again, is there anything I should pay attention to while TTC, etc. I had only been trying for about 5 months, but with my 3 year old I had gotten pregnant in 1 cycle, so my expectations were way off. TTC since Nov. I've just got a million questions and not sure where to turn to get them answered. Thanks, all.

 

[Tulip]

I'm so sorry for your loss luvvie Feeling helpless and not wanting to do anything is entirely normal and it's difficult to say when that will end. Your friends will say 'it'll happen' because they are convinced that is the case. You have a 3 year old which means that you can have babies!

As for the practicalities..... don't feel guilty for mourning, you have lost a baby and the dreams that go along with that, no matter how early a loss it was. The single most important thing: Are you taking folic acid? You should be on 400mcg a day (even 800mcg will do no harm and act as an extra buffer to the next baby). If you are on epilepsy meds or have a digestive issue such as Crohns you should be on a much higher dose and need to talk to your doctor.

Lots of hugs to you x

 

[w8ing4bean]

sorry for ur loss hun

this was in no way your fault, most of the time u cannot stop a miscarriage, it is unfortunately "one of those things" (hate that expression..) unless of course there's a medical condition or something. but like Tulip said, as u already have ur 3 year old, you know you can have kids! - dont give up hope

As for ttc again, whenever u feel ready! docs usually say wait at least 1 cycle. Mainly for dating purposes, but i guess it does no harm to let ur body settle down and get back to normal. And take your folic acid!!!

hope i havent rambled too much!

xx

 

[hb1]

Hi VioletChic

I am sorry for your loss - it is very hard - I know I just felt exhausted afterwards for a week or so - I stayed off work for 4 days the following week - is there no way you could take time off? it shouldn't count against you as should be counted as "pregnancy related illness" - well mine was. Is there any one - like grandparents - that could look after your little one - even for 1 night - just so you can curl up and rest?

I found this site particularly good after my mc:

https://pregnancyloss.info/

Wishing you healing and happiness

hx

 

[Ava Grace]

Hi hun, I have just gone throughsomething very similar. If you need to chat i'm here. I feel exactly the same as you sweetie. The doctor told me I should wait one cycle for dating purposes and for psychological reasons although we have still been ntnp.
Take care and like the other girls said get some rest xxxxxxxx

 

[violetchic]

Thanks all.

hb1 - I checked out that website and I think it will be helpful.

Ava Grace -- sorry to hear that you're going through the same thing.

Tulip and w8ting4bean -- I appreciate all your kind words. I am trying to rest, but with my job I can't really take time off --- I have deadlines, so as long as I meet deadlines I can rest, but I have a couple coming up that won't wait and can't be changed. We actually just moved in the fall and I started a new job, so I don't have any family around here to watch my boy and my work didn't know I was trying to get pregnant (and that might not be condoned really...so I don't want to deal with that issue right now). So, I'm unfortunately stuck.

I think the hardest thing right now is that it's not like you have a miscarriage and it's over. It's a process. I'm not bleeding all that much and it's on and off, but from what the doc said, it's coming. And I really don't feel any pregnancy symptoms anymore, so I guess that is my signal. My mom said she miscarried at 4months once and they told her the whole time that she was pregnant but that she would probably not have the baby --- because it wasn't progressing, so now I'm worried about how long this process will take. So, I'm just waiting for my body to reject something that I wanted so bad. I know it probably wasn't anything I did (wasn't smoking, drinking, limited caffeine a lot!), but still...I can't help but feel that way. And I have this constant physical reminder of it. So it's kind of hard not to think about. I am taking folic acid (in a prenatal vitamin), so good to know that I have that covered.

Anyway, it does really mean a lot that you all responded the ways that you did. I don't know what to feel right now. Part of me feels really guilty becuase even though I was trying to get pregnant, when I found out I was I felt a bit ambivalent (mostly because of work), so I keep thinking, maybe that was it. I know that sounds crazy. Also got a baby shower invite in the mail today and another friend found out the sex of her baby two days ago, so I'm surrounded by reminders of what I had that I'm losing.

Thanks though, all. I'm going to read up on the website during my son's nap.

 

[violetchic]

Hi VioletChic

I am sorry for your loss - it is very hard - I know I just felt exhausted afterwards for a week or so - I stayed off work for 4 days the following week - is there no way you could take time off? it shouldn't count against you as should be counted as "pregnancy related illness" - well mine was. Is there any one - like grandparents - that could look after your little one - even for 1 night - just so you can curl up and rest?

I found this site particularly good after my mc:

https://pregnancyloss.info/

Wishing you healing and happiness

hx

I'm sitting here, reading through the numerous pages, and crying. Thank you so much for recommending this website. I think it will definitely help with my healing process...