*Insert funny name here* (My weightloss journal)

[MummyJo]

I'm embarrassed to have to be writing this at all and especially embarrassed with the fact I have allowed myself to get like this - but the first step to resolving a problem is admitting it, right?

I have a problem with food.
I binge, I gorge, I stuff my face with crap and to the extent that I'm embarrassed for even my OH to see what I eat.

The other day I asked him to move all 'treat' food and hide it, so he can issue it if/when to our daughter and himself. The next day I went to the 'bathroom' and instead snuck into the bedroom where he had hidden it and wolfed down 4 snacksize Cadbury chocolates.
Then did the same a few hours later. I spent most of the day trying to figure out where to hide the evidence, from depositing wrappers in various bins, to various clothes pockets and throwing one out of the window!

My problem with food is that I can't just have 'one bite', or a 'small taste' - I have to clear my plate, finish the pack, empty the bag/box/suitcase!
I won't blame it all on my upbringing, but I do wonder if my need to clear my plate stems from early experiences of having to eat everything I was given. It resulted back then in hiding food in tissues and now instead of food it's wrappers.

A meal isn't 'complete' without something sweet to finish it, I don't get the 'satisfied' feeling until I've had "just that square of chocolate" (which results in me eating the entire bar.)

As weird as it sounds, I grew up being told I didn't like fruits, vegetables and meats (it's a whole other story and this post is long enough! ) The truth being I never even tried most fruits or vegetables until after I'd left home and by then my dietary 'tastes' had pretty much developed. I'm addicted to carbs and cheese! Pretty much every meal time is dominated by one of the other - and the worst part is my 2 year old is developing the same habits.
So, this is it! The start of a new me. Whilst yes, I do want to lose weight, and a lot of it, I want to change the way I relate to food. I want to change my eating habits and install good food and exercise associations into my children, and to do that I need to start with my own!

Tomorrow I shall update with my weight, food tracking, if I'm brave enough my photos and my goals and targets.

Here goes, any of you getting this far – wish me luck!

 

[Vickie]

good luck

 

[Katieeeee]

Good luck my deary You know I'm right here with you all the way! We CAN do this and we will! xx

 

[cooney]

You can do it!
I know how embarrassing it can be to hide food. In the past I have made huge plates of food and then would lie to my OH and say it was some for now and some for later, but I would eat it all at once. I also tried not to eat around him because I was afraid he would know how much I really ate.

 

[Miss Wright]

Good luck, it's really good that you've recognised something that you don't want to repeat in your little one xxx

 

[MummyJo]

Thank you ladies

You can do it!
I know how embarrassing it can be to hide food. In the past I have made huge plates of food and then would lie to my OH and say it was some for now and some for later, but I would eat it all at once. I also tried not to eat around him because I was afraid he would know how much I really ate.

It's awful isn't it? Thank you for sharing your experience there, it really helped to realise I'm not the only one who has done this!

-----

Last night after starting this journal me and my OH had a very long talk (I even showed him what I'd written!) I had a bit of a cry and I think it really helped to be so open with him about it all.
I think anyone that hasn't had problems with weight or food can never really understand what it's like and although he doesn't understand my food obsession I feel he now understands how much of an issue it is for me and the problems I have with it.

-----

About me:

Weight: 13.9 - Bloody hell. After I had my first daughter, I was 10 stone - I've put on 3.9 in two and a half years and although a lot of that is from this pregnancy, that's awful!
Height: 5'6
BMI: 30.6 (I think, I always mess those things up!)
Goal weight: 10 Stone (some might think this is a high weight goal some might think it's too low, but it's where my weight will be in a healthy BMI!

I also want to give a special thanks to a few people who have all unknowingly helped me a lot in really going for it, admitting I have a problem and taking these first few steps to change it.
(Anyone wanting to lose weight and get motivated should really check out these girls journals!!)
Cooney - I think most the people that browse this section of the forum will have read her weightloss journal, she is fabulous and a huge inspiration. Her determination and effort shines through and I want to be like her!
Lollylou - When I frst joined this site and saw her weightloss profile I was in awe. I don't have the willpower to do something like the Cambridge diet, but seeing your results has really made me realise it's not too late and I CAN change! So thank you.
Dizzyisacow - I've not really commented on your weightloss journal (overcoming overeating) however your first few posts with your goals and wishes really made me pay attention to my own. I want to wear my kneehigh boots again dammit!!
Katieeeee - For having the most fabulous baps on the forum and the biggest heart too. Being able to be as honest with you as I have has really made me pay attention to my problems and finally admit them to myself. Thank you deary - and we CAN do this! No more kidding around for us. xxx
And lastly my darling OH who has stuck with me through the various stages of my weight gain and still loves my fat, jiggling ass regardless.

(It sounds like a really corny awards speech I know I've not actually lost any weight yet either but I think when you know that this is it, not just another time you say you're going to lose weight.. you really know it.)

​

 

[Katieeeee]

Thank you ladies

You can do it!
I know how embarrassing it can be to hide food. In the past I have made huge plates of food and then would lie to my OH and say it was some for now and some for later, but I would eat it all at once. I also tried not to eat around him because I was afraid he would know how much I really ate.

It's awful isn't it? Thank you for sharing your experience there, it really helped to realise I'm not the only one who has done this!

-----

Last night after starting this journal me and my OH had a very long talk (I even showed him what I'd written!) I had a bit of a cry and I think it really helped to be so open with him about it all.
I think anyone that hasn't had problems with weight or food can never really understand what it's like and although he doesn't understand my food obsession I feel he now understands how much of an issue it is for me and the problems I have with it.

-----

About me:

Weight: 13.9 - Bloody hell. After I had my first daughter, I was 10 stone - I've put on 3.9 in two and a half years and although a lot of that is from this pregnancy, that's awful!
Height: 5'6
BMI: 30.6 (I think, I always mess those things up!)
Goal weight: 10 Stone (some might think this is a high weight goal some might think it's too low, but it's where my weight will be in a healthy BMI!

I also want to give a special thanks to a few people who have all unknowingly helped me a lot in really going for it, admitting I have a problem and taking these first few steps to change it.
(Anyone wanting to lose weight and get motivated should really check out these girls journals!!)
Cooney - I think most the people that browse this section of the forum will have read her weightloss journal, she is fabulous and a huge inspiration. Her determination and effort shines through and I want to be like her!
Lollylou - When I frst joined this site and saw her weightloss profile I was in awe. I don't have the willpower to do something like the Cambridge diet, but seeing your results has really made me realise it's not too late and I CAN change! So thank you.
Dizzyisacow - I've not really commented on your weightloss journal (overcoming overeating) however your first few posts with your goals and wishes really made me pay attention to my own. I want to wear my kneehigh boots again dammit!!
Katieeeee - For having the most fabulous baps on the forum and the biggest heart too. Being able to be as honest with you as I have has really made me pay attention to my problems and finally admit them to myself. Thank you deary - and we CAN do this! No more kidding around for us. xxx
And lastly my darling OH who has stuck with me through the various stages of my weight gain and still loves my fat, jiggling ass regardless.

(It sounds like a really corny awards speech I know I've not actually lost any weight yet either but I think when you know that this is it, not just another time you say you're going to lose weight.. you really know it.)

​

You made me cry you bint!

Aww I'm glad you and OH talked How are you getting on today? xxx

 

[cooney]

Awww!
I don't know if I should be anyone's roll model.
You have no idea how much your comments and the comments of others over the months has helped me. Really, this forum is what keeps me going.

 

[MummyJo]

Awww!
I don't know if I should be anyone's roll model.
You have no idea how much your comments and the comments of others over the months has helped me. Really, this forum is what keeps me going.

You've shown such strength of character Cooney! In dieting like you have, going to school with your LO so young and everything! You are an inspiration whether you like it or not!

You made me cry you bint!

Aww I'm glad you and OH talked How are you getting on today? xxx

I'm doing really well today! Going to update in a sec!!

 

[Katieeeee]

Yeah seriously Cooney, you really are an inspiration and you should be so, SO proud of yourself. I really do admire and look up to you!

 

[MummyJo]

Forgot to add - as I'm b-feeding I won't be having a 'target' calorie intake each day, I will just eat more sensibly and when I'm hungry - plus cut out all the crap!
I will be calculating my calories though to ensure I don't go over 2000!
I also am signed up to weightwatchers online (have been since October ) so will track my points - but again I'm not keeping to a set 'limit' (although they say 22 and 4 extra for a b-feeder.)


Day 1

Breakfast:
Cereal and milk (small portion) - 163 cals, 2 ww points

Lunch:
2 pieces of bread + butter (I was going to have a sandwich but the meat was out of date ) - 260 cals. 2.5 ww points

Dinner:
Vegetable soup and 2 slices of bread & butter - 438 cals, 5 ww points!

Total cals: 861 - Blimey that's better than I thought, and although I COULD eat (because I don't have my stuffed feeling which I assosciate with being full) I am pretty satisfied.

Exercise: 1 hour walking and an energetic session if that counts?!

------

I feel quite proud today, I've already drunk 2 litres of water, not snacked AND when eating I made sure I had no distractions and took my time (put my bread down after each 'dunk' in the soup!!)
I didn't watch tv or eat on my lap whilst on the computer and I felt SO so much fuller so much quicker!
I know every day isn't going to be this easy, the first day usually is. But I CAN do this!

------

Just had a thought, I need to eat more than this to sustain my breastmilk - I feel REALLY gutted and quite repulsed at the idea of eating anything further. Especially as I'm satisfied right now.

I will give it about 45 minutes and have a couple of piece of fruit!!

 

[MummyJo]

Day 2

Breakfast:
Cereal and milk (small portion) - 163 cals, 2 ww points

Lunch:
Grilled veggies, toast and cheese - My fav weight watchers meal, 4 points, 305 cals + whatever the veggies were... (I don't know how or where to find that out)

Dinner:
Soup and ham roll - Just under 500 cals cals, 6 ww points

Total cals: ??? Under 1200 I'm sure.
WW points: 12

Exercise: 1 hour walking

I feel really low today and REALLY want to scoff my face. Today has been a LOT harder and I've felt bottomless-pit hungry all day.
I just want to curl up and eat icecream

Will have some fruit flakes later (112 cals) and a banana I think.

Not a bad day really.

 

[Katieeeee]

Day 2

Breakfast:
Cereal and milk (small portion) - 163 cals, 2 ww points

Lunch:
Grilled veggies, toast and cheese - My fav weight watchers meal, 4 points, 305 cals + whatever the veggies were... (I don't know how or where to find that out)

Dinner:
Soup and ham roll - Just under 500 cals cals, 6 ww points

Total cals: ??? Under 1200 I'm sure.
WW points: 12

Exercise: 1 hour walking

I feel really low today and REALLY want to scoff my face. Today has been a LOT harder and I've felt bottomless-pit hungry all day.
I just want to curl up and eat icecream

Will have some fruit flakes later (112 cals) and a banana I think.

Not a bad day really.

Well done sweetie you're doing brilliantly, much better than me that's for sure!

 

[cooney]

You are doing great! Keep it up! The first 2-4 weeks are the hardest.

 

[MummyJo]

Was a bit bad today and can't find out the points for what I had either!

Breakfast:
Grilled veggies, toast and cheese - 4 points, 305 cals + whatever the veggies were

Lunch:
Sausage and egg sandwich - Cals 870!!!!!!!!!!! Points - no idea

Dinner:
Toast and cheese - 2.5 points, 189 cals
Cereal - 163 Cals

Total cals: 1529
WW points: No idea

Exercise: NONE

My meals were all over the place, but I didn't snack which is a good thing! Must do better. AND Exercise.

 

[MummyJo]

I haven't had time to write down and post my tracking but I've kept under 1200 calories every day (except Wednesday when our groceries didn't turn up and we ordered in.. and I went over board - sigh)

Small amount of exercising every day, today so far I've done 20 minutes of jogging and then 36 minutes on the wii fit (not much I know but I'm getting there!)

Back to proper tracking tomorrow!