Insomnia, prayer, and answers

[kail]

It's been a long day I'm new to the boards and joined because I am hoping to find inspiration in all the wonderful people here. We're not actively trying to conceive, but I find myself wanting this more and more. Especially after two miscarriages within a year's time.

I prayed yesterday because I truly thought it would be the day I get the BFP I've been seeking. I was crushed to see the lone line looking back at me and I balled like a baby. I cried off and on all day and was generally depressed questioning why I wasn't "normal".

As I laid down to bed, I prayed again. I have one more test left and wanted to know if it was worth using in so many words. A song came on the radio. Laura Story's Blessings. I drifted off but could not sleep soundly. This has been happening on and off, but it was really bad tonight. I got up to get a drink and use the restroom and stopped. I began to worry about the first urine and testing again. Can you believe that? So much for letting go and letting God. I actually prayed there on the toilet, holding it in. I went without testing and got back in the bed praying once again. And don't you know it, that same Laura Story song came on as I was praying. The dj also read psalms 42:11.

I just wanted to share the song with everyone who may me wondering "why" or "when" or "what". We are all blessed and my prayer for everyone is that we can find comfort in that on whatever our journeys may be.

I tried to post the video, but I haven't been here long enough yet I will work on posting more and then put the video up. It's on youtube if you'd like to hear it before that.

 

[kail]

https://youtu.be/1CSVqHcdhXQ

 

[SyllyPoohBear]

I have only been TTC for 8 months.. How long have you been TTC? I am new too.. How many DPO (Days Past Ovulation) are you?? I am 14 and BFN today. I guess you can say we are TTC but we aren't going all crazy or anything.. Just waiting for God's timing. Good luck and have hope for God is good!

 

[SyllyPoohBear]

Well let me give you a positive story.
My sister tried for 5 years before she got pregnant with her BEAUTIFUL son Elias. And now pregnant with her second which will put them 2 years apart. She finally Let go of all the anxiety and trying to force it and then got pregnant. In the meanwhile had 2 miscarriages and a cyst on one ovary. In my opinion it is so much better just letting God. I felt I wasn't ready with my first. But when she came I knew it was meant to be even though we had only been married for 9 months when I found out I was pregnant. Trying to conceive can be difficult but have faith that God is the opener of the womb and in his BEAUTIFUL timing you will be pregnant.

 

[kail]

Hi SyllyPB,

You're so right and thank you for sharing that inspiring story. I am highly irregular so charting or keeping track of anything is very difficult. I have to react to changes in my body. I was told I would never have children and then became pregnant twice after that. I can get pregnant, staying pregnant has been the challenge. Each time I've conceived, it was the farthest thing from my mind. I have to constantly remind myself that it is God's will and not my own.

What about you? Are you irregular at all? How old is your first child?

 

[amanda77]

It's been a long day I'm new to the boards and joined because I am hoping to find inspiration in all the wonderful people here. We're not actively trying to conceive, but I find myself wanting this more and more. Especially after two miscarriages within a year's time.

I prayed yesterday because I truly thought it would be the day I get the BFP I've been seeking. I was crushed to see the lone line looking back at me and I balled like a baby. I cried off and on all day and was generally depressed questioning why I wasn't "normal".

As I laid down to bed, I prayed again. I have one more test left and wanted to know if it was worth using in so many words. A song came on the radio. Laura Story's Blessings. I drifted off but could not sleep soundly. This has been happening on and off, but it was really bad tonight. I got up to get a drink and use the restroom and stopped. I began to worry about the first urine and testing again. Can you believe that? So much for letting go and letting God. I actually prayed there on the toilet, holding it in. I went without testing and got back in the bed praying once again. And don't you know it, that same Laura Story song came on as I was praying. The dj also read psalms 42:11.

I just wanted to share the song with everyone who may me wondering "why" or "when" or "what". We are all blessed and my prayer for everyone is that we can find comfort in that on whatever our journeys may be.

I tried to post the video, but I haven't been here long enough yet I will work on posting more and then put the video up. It's on youtube if you'd like to hear it before that.

I had never heard that song before and I just looked it up on YouTube - how beautiful! The words are what I need to be reminded of daily. Our pastor preached yesterday on simply believing and trusting God - that is all we need to do. I am always worrying and trying to control everything and I am really trying to give it all to God because I know His will prevails and He knows what is best and He puts desires in our heart! I am choosing to trust Him!

Thank you for sharing this story and beautiful song! May God bless you with a healthy, precious child!

 

[GirlBlue]

It's been a long day I'm new to the boards and joined because I am hoping to find inspiration in all the wonderful people here. We're not actively trying to conceive, but I find myself wanting this more and more. Especially after two miscarriages within a year's time.

I prayed yesterday because I truly thought it would be the day I get the BFP I've been seeking. I was crushed to see the lone line looking back at me and I balled like a baby. I cried off and on all day and was generally depressed questioning why I wasn't "normal".

As I laid down to bed, I prayed again. I have one more test left and wanted to know if it was worth using in so many words. A song came on the radio. Laura Story's Blessings. I drifted off but could not sleep soundly. This has been happening on and off, but it was really bad tonight. I got up to get a drink and use the restroom and stopped. I began to worry about the first urine and testing again. Can you believe that? So much for letting go and letting God. I actually prayed there on the toilet, holding it in. I went without testing and got back in the bed praying once again. And don't you know it, that same Laura Story song came on as I was praying. The dj also read psalms 42:11.

I just wanted to share the song with everyone who may me wondering "why" or "when" or "what". We are all blessed and my prayer for everyone is that we can find comfort in that on whatever our journeys may be.

I tried to post the video, but I haven't been here long enough yet I will work on posting more and then put the video up. It's on youtube if you'd like to hear it before that.

Thank you for sharing Kail...you will find lots of prayers, support, or whatever you are looking for from many of the ladies here. Godspeed! Stay encouraged.

 

[kail]

Hi Amanda,

I am the same way when it comes to controlling everything. I have to be reminded that there is power and peace in submission to the will of God. My prayer is the same for you! May God give you and your husband the desires of your hearts

 

[kail]

Thank you for sharing Kail...you will find lots of prayers, support, or whatever you are looking for from many of the ladies here. Godspeed! Stay encouraged.

Thank you so much for your encouragement!

 

[amanda77]

Thank you Kail! We can pray for one another to give it to Him and stop trying to control it all!

 

[kail]

I would love that! I fell on my knees already today I will lift us up in prayer before bed!

 

[SyllyPoohBear]

Kail, I got off the Mirena in Sep. My daughter is almost 2 years. We decided because of her advice personality that we are ready to try for another one. I have had irregular periods since I got off the Mirena. And I believe I have probably only O 4 times.. But in the same boat you are it's hard to tell. That's why I started temping and cervical checking as well as monitoring my CM. I know for sure we BD on O this time but I can tell my hormones are wacky. I have a friend who is in a very similar situation as you she just had her 2 miscarriage and she has Endometriosis. She has a boy as well but it took them 4 years to get pregnant. And it seems to be the same situation this time around. I have never found anything more peaceful in timing situations then this verse Ecclesiastes 3:11 "Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end." Maybe God wants to use this time of barrenness to use you in his kingdom. Maybe he wants you to go to Africa or to build an orphanage in Korea. You never know what God might have in store but if you seek after him you will find his delights and his desires for you. I pray that helps give you hope. Sylly

 

[kail]

"You never know what God might have in store but if you seek after him you will find his delights and his desires for you. I pray that helps give you hope"

Hi Syl,

Thank you so much for your post. God has definitely given me hope through your post and the other women who are so open and willing to share. God's will be done.

I often ask God for answers in music and ways I can easily understand I prayed for a song last night and found comfort in these lyrics:

You never know what faith is, until you don't understand.
Sometimes it takes silence, to finally hear his plan.

Those words were in my prayers. I don't understand why I'm not normal like other women and I felt like crying out. I'm just thankful for God's will and the people, songs, and circumstances God provides to draw us closer.

Thank you again!

 

[SyllyPoohBear]

Awesome. Your welcome and I hope you continue down that path. For me.. *sigh* still no AF and no sign of AF.. BFN this morning. I really do hate the feeling on not knowing what the H is going on with my body. Makes you feel out of control.. Another day of waiting. Hopefully a good one.

 

[kail]

Yes, I totally understand. I think that is the worst part. If I'm not pregnant, then what's going on? I hope you get the result you want soon! I plan to make an appointment with a specialist because I'm wondering if I have cysts and they've just never been detected. I had to have those internal ultrasounds every three months and they never found anything but I'm thinking I'm having symptoms of cysts.

 

[SyllyPoohBear]

Definitely possible.. Thank you and good luck to you too!! Hope to she a BFP from you soon!!

 

[kail]

Same to you