Is anyone having their first baby but it's their partners second?

Discussion in 'Pregnancy Groups & Discussions' started by Mummy_to_be87, Nov 14, 2011.

  1. Mummy_to_be87

    Mummy_to_be87 Well-Known Member

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    I'm just wondering if anyone is pregnant with baby number one but it's your partners second child as he has one or more with a previous relationship and finding it really hard as he has already been there done that all before? Im feeling a bit upset tonight as I feel that my partner has already experienced daddy-hood and I'm not giving him this baby for the first time in his life and really don't know how I can deal with it! Help please :flower:
     
  2. Gemini85

    Gemini85 Expecing after loss

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    Yes! I feel like a cow, but it pisses me off! Telling me I should breast feed and how that horrible cow did it for a year! Whoop de sodding do! X
     
  3. Mummy_to_be87

    Mummy_to_be87 Well-Known Member

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    I always feel like a cow when I think about it, it really pisses me off big time, I thought I was the only one who felt like this!

    I am breast feeding because he told me his ex bottle fed so I can do something differently...I have even took my mum to all the scans as I dont want him to be there sure he seen it all before...and I really dont want him in the delivery room as he seen it before and to let me have a ''first'' before him...this sounds soooooo selfish but its how im dealing with it...I have even him warned that if anyone says the baby looks like his daughter I will never speak to them again!! grrrrrrrrrr

    How is your pregnancy? :flower:
     
  4. Mummy_to_be87

    Mummy_to_be87 Well-Known Member

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    ps my OH told me me and his ex has the same midwife...big f**king deal!! so I warned her I dont want to be compared or want me and her to be in the same conversation or I will move to another hospital!! :haha:
     
  5. Gemini85

    Gemini85 Expecing after loss

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    No I know exactly how you feel.... "we should get a maxi cosi car seat, they're safest..." why, cos she fucking said so? "no I did the research" well that's nice you got involved for her, doesn't bother with me!!!!
    Argh! Annoyingly, my name is extremely similar to his daughters, his family are drinkers and ALWAYS call me by her name! And all his mum ever bangs on about is, when can she come up to stay next, have her up for Xmas, yeah, cos the last Xmas I have childless I want to spend watching him and the brat together? How about no.... God I'm such a child. Just can't stand it, and his ex lives 5 hour drive away, don't envy you if she's close enough for you to have the same midwife!!!! X
     
  6. Mummy_to_be87

    Mummy_to_be87 Well-Known Member

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    I know how you feel about your OH's mum wanting the child for christmas...I have told my OH if you want to have her for christmas he can stay with his mum as Im not having her in the house...my house where she will be all over my puppy!! grr

    oh and I get the ''our child will have the same eyes as my daughter as they are unique'' Im like no they wont because Im not your wife (oh I forgot to mention they are still married but not together which makes it worse) she only lives about 20 minutes away and I bump into her all the time in town, she is pregnant too and my partner is always concerned about it, Im like ''Why are you concerned? is it yours!!!!''

    I always say bad things then feel so guilty, why should I feel guilty, I just wish he would give her up for me and this baby but I know that would never happen grrr!!

    How old is your OH's child? :flower:

    I understand totally how you feel and Im glad I can relate to you as its not easy and everyone thinks we are selfish, well do they try living in our situation? :flower:
     
  7. Gemini85

    Gemini85 Expecing after loss

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    I just had very romantic thoughts as to how my family would be, I always swore I'd never get together with a man with kids...I know that's selfish, but I hate to think of a part of the person I love being mixed with a part of someone else. Plus its a constant reminder of them having sex! His daughter is just over 2 years old. He left his ex for me last Xmas, and now lives halfway up the country away from them, which is actually where he's from originally, but he was in the army and met her then. He admits to cheating on her COUNTLESS times, and said he always knew it would never work, which is why I get so annoyed he went along with having a baby with her! I'm really struggling with this pregnancy, had loads of problems, and feel constantly compared to her... :( x
     
  8. Mummy_to_be87

    Mummy_to_be87 Well-Known Member

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    :hi: I actually feel like Im writing to myself when I write to you because it feels just exactly the same as what Im going through!! I absolutely hate the fact that the DNA that has made my perfect little baby is inside ''her'' the little brat!! My partner sees her every other Saturday at a centre and I hate it, I have even tried turning the alarm down or off and pretended that my partner forgot to set it :haha: and what's worse he told her that Im pregnant and she drew me a picture of him ''mummy'' and her with the baby then my partner gave it to me and I felt sick!! She is nothing to my baby, my baby is number one...Im considering asking my partner to choose my baby or her!! She is 4!! Tomorrow is the Saturday he goes to see her grrrr!! I also know what it feels like to be compared to her...do you get the ''Its not as bad as you are making it as my ex was able to deal with it and never complained about it!!'' I actually believed I was alright about going into a relationship with baggage but I have been struggling with it for the past 2 years and its not getting any easier :( does your partners child come to stay with you's?

    What problems have you been experiencing during your pregnancy? Maybe I can help you with them :) :flower:
     
  9. Gemini85

    Gemini85 Expecing after loss

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    His ex has let her come and stay once, otherwise we have to traipse a 4 hour journey to see them. To be honest I hated having her stay, having her stuff laying around, her making noise when I was trying to nap etc. lol
    I think we may be similar in age, I'm 26.
    I am hoping I maybe feel more accepting of her once this LO is here, but I doubt it!
    I've been exhausted beyond belief, I work an hour and a half commute away, so 12 day for me door to door.
    Work haven't been understanding, I've got SPD that driving us making worse, just seen occupational health, they won't let me work from home, had various UTIs etc. plus I'm very anxious as had MC the month before I fell this time, which I'm convinced was caused by going down to see the best with him, we went on a night out and her mates attacked me in a nightclub, black eye etc, then 2 days later bleeding started. OH is adamant that was not related,...hmmmm....x
     
  10. Gemini85

    Gemini85 Expecing after loss

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    Brat, not best...lol x
     
  11. Mummy_to_be87

    Mummy_to_be87 Well-Known Member

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    Im so sorry to hear about your MC, I would totally believe that the attack you suffered was totally to do with it...I hope you reported her!! And the stress of having to go visit the child made it much worse!! I wouldnt have went, I would have said Im nothing to do with her so go yourself and hope my OH wouldnt go!! But I doubt it highly!!

    You do have a lot of concerns already, you just need to take it really easy and concentrate on you and your precious baby :) I have a condition where when I walk the plates of my pelvis rub against each other and cause pains and the pain goes into my back :( is there no way your work would help you out, I know my work was a nightmare in the end I went on the sick.

    I have been told by my OH that EVENTUALLY he will get weekend stays with his brat and I have decided that she isnt coming to stay at MY house, me and my OH live together but its in my name so NO she isnt coming to stay...I have a wee puppy who I love to pieces, Im not having HER touching my Lily-Rose with her hands and my OH shouting at Lily-Rose to stop bouncing over her in my puppys own house!! It makes me sooooo mad!!

    I have been positive that when I give birth to my LO I might feel different and feel the strong bond but I guess I wont, I dont believe I will ever form a bond with her, I have too much hatred for her!!

    Oh Im 24 I will be 25 in Feb, we are in the same boat :haha: it actually feels good to be able to vent to you who understands how I feel totally :hugs:
     
  12. Gemini85

    Gemini85 Expecing after loss

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    How odd. We live together but tenancy is in my name so same thing! He would go nuts if I said she couldn't come stay, and his mum would....
    I don't want him going down there without me as when he went down last Xmas to finish it, he got pissed and "somehow" ended up sleeping with her before walking out the next day....so I don't trust it. Ya know? I hate that he did that, I always say to him, why do it with someone that is going to have to be in my life for the next 16 years....I'd have dealt with it better if it'd been a stranger!!!! Lol
    It's bloody hard, and I know alot of people would think badly of me, but the LO just brings out horrible feelings in me.
    Your puppy sounds lush! Wish my landlady would let me have one!!! X
     
  13. Mummy_to_be87

    Mummy_to_be87 Well-Known Member

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    Oh gosh the cheating thing would make me go crazy!! It would be so much easier to deal with if it was a one off with a stranger!! My partner has announced that there is this woman in our town that is saying her son is my partners child...it better not be, I will go crazy but my partner says there is no way it could be his as he slept with her about 3 years ago and the child is only 1 so now Im paranoid, one of them is lying!!

    My puppy is gorgeous, I will send you a pic if I can get it to upload onto this :haha: my landlord thinks she sleeps outside in the dog pen but she stays in the house, she has chewed the windowsill in the living room though :haha:

    What are you up to this weekend? How is the baby keeping? I hope you have your feet up and relaxing :flower:
     
  14. Gemini85

    Gemini85 Expecing after loss

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    id like to see a photo! the windowsill?!?!?! thats crazy! oh well, rather that than a good pair of heels!
    what a thing for that woman to say!!! i cant imagine its true, im sure if that was the case, she'd be wanting his money and would've demanded a DNA test by now... I sure would have!
    im doing OK, very emotional today, just cry at the drop of a hat, OH jokingly pulled my pyjama bottoms down whilst i was doing the washing up and i just started bawling, im pretty sure he thinks ive lost the plot!!!
    Got my 12 week scan on Monday, starting to feel very nervous, one of my friends announced on FB that shes expecting a downs baby, i think that must be a very hard thing to go through and am just hoping everything is as it should be!
    Not much longer for you to go now, do you know what sex you are having? do you find that what OH has with his ex influences it? im scared to have a girl as i feel she would be constantly compared to his LO. i would hate that!!! x
     
  15. Mummy_to_be87

    Mummy_to_be87 Well-Known Member

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    I will get a photo up soon, in fact I am on facebook where all her photos are, I will private mail my name (so I am not named and shamed on here) :haha: Yea she chewed the windowsill on two different areas, we only had moved in and we left her on the sofa overnight instead of her cage to settle her in and she ate it :haha:

    Aww I hate the emotions that comes along with pregnancy, I have about a million different mood swings in an hour, I just say to my partner, ''My hormones are on the way up'' and he just removes himself from the room :haha: but that wasnt a nice thing to do to you, I would have shouted at my OH if he done that, at the minute Im going through a stage where I dont want kisses and cuddles and he sits like a puppy wondering why and what he has done wrong!

    The other woman is just stirring, why can't people leave other people in relationships alone? Its so frustrating!!

    Im sorry to hear about your friends baby, these things cant be helped but the baby will be loved the same as anyones baby, I have a friend whose sisters baby was born with Downs and she is absolutely gorgeous, attends special school now and is doing brilliantly :D

    Dont worry about your scan, its so exciting, I had my mum with me as I felt my OH wasnt as excited about seeing our baby at 8 weeks so I asked my mum and she was more excited than me, I guess it was when the reality really sunk in that I was pregnant, I just love the scans now, my baby is the most important thing in my life now along with Lily :haha: I even put the baby before my OH sometimes :haha:

    I wanted to find out at my 20 week scan what I was having, again my mum was with me, and the baby crossed its legs :( so I have to wait until my 30 week scan (only two weeks to go yay) but I have a strong feeling its a girl, I have named her Elliane Louise and if its a boy I have named him Lucas Lewis (I think I said before but I wasnt sure so I wrote it again) I actually prefer the baby to be a girl so our princess will get extra spoilt as she will be growing up with me and her daddy together, not like the other brat! but I get soooo annoyed when my OH wants a boy, he says so he can play football etc this makes me annoyed and I snap at him saying that he only wants a boy as he already has a girl and he tells me not to start up again, but the last two days he has called the bump a girl but if he does start comparing milestones etc I will make a point in saying that this baby is much better than his brat!! I am a bit worried about his mother though as I know she will compare the two but if she does me and the baby wont be near her again.

    Do you have any feelings what your baby could be? Have you bought anything for the baby yet? :flower:

    I am watching the x factor but am getting cravings for pizza :haha:
     
  16. Gemini85

    Gemini85 Expecing after loss

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    haha! i have a pepperoni pizza in the oven for the same reason!!! OH is quite frank about the fact he wants a boy cos he has a girl, but he said he was hoping for a boy with her as well.
    i have a feeling its a boy, got a private gender scan 23rd dec, just hoping he/she will let me see!!! ive addded you on fb x
     
  17. Mummy_to_be87

    Mummy_to_be87 Well-Known Member

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    I have accepted :) you are pretty :)

    I hope your gender scan goes well and the baby will let you see, have a fizzy drink before hand, I heard that makes the babies excited and move about like crazy on the screen, Im going to try it for my 30 week scan :haha:

    What are you up to tonight? :)
     
  18. Gemini85

    Gemini85 Expecing after loss

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    :) watching grease at the moment. Then I'm gonna aim for an early night as I'm too excited for the scan and want it to be here already! Lol went and saw the twilight film this afternoon....well worth it for a bit of eye candy! Lol
    What about you? X
     
  19. Mummy_to_be87

    Mummy_to_be87 Well-Known Member

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    I would love to go see the twilight movie, maybe next weekend :) I have just watched the x factor results..I cannot believe Craig has been voted out, he was so good, I actually believed he was going to win!! :( I am heading to bed soon too, I just opened a letter that I found in the kitchen drawer (no idea why its in there, prob pregnancy brain lol) and realise I have an appointment tomorrow at 13:30 good job I found it, crazy! The time will fly by then you will find out :) pregnancy is so exciting :flower: Have all your first trimester symptoms left you yet? x
     
  20. Gemini85

    Gemini85 Expecing after loss

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    No not yet. Still feel shite!!! I can't believe he was out either! I think that amelia looks a right cow! Lol x
     

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