Is it normal to be anxious?

[Mrs Eleflump]

Hi, I'm really new here, haven't even been lurking long!

Me and hubby are WTT, as we're saving up for our first house, and I have some work stuff I want to get done before going on maternity leave. We both want children, and we've talked about it a lot since we got together 7 years ago.

I am thinking a lot about being pregnant and raising a child, and I love the idea, even the gory bits in One Born Every Minute don't put me off. I have a little bit of excess podge at the moment (married-contentment-chub!) which I'm trying to lose, but I sometimes look at myself in the mirror and imagine it's a baby bump, as it does look a bit like one, and it makes me so broody.

We are planning for hubby to be the one who goes part-time after my maternity leave ends, as I earn a lot more, and I love my job, whereas hubby really doesn't! So I know that I don't have to give up my career, which is good, as I worked my bum off to get to where I am, and hubby would be delighted to only have to work a few days a week, lol!

I'm worried, though! I know it'll be a huuuuuge shock to the system to have a baby, and partly because of that and because of some difficulties in my relationship with my own Mum (now becoming resolved due to a huge blow-up last year that brought it all out in the open), I am worried I won't be a good Mum and that I won't be able to cope with the changes.

Is it normal to be stressing about it all this long before we even start trying?!

 

[goingforit]

Yes of course. I think this is natural to have doubts - but just go careful not to let it really stress you out. Being humans I think we all naturally have 'what if' doubts.

I think that its a tricky one not to worry about but only time will tell and I am sure that because of your relationship you will be more aware and do things differently anyhow. I hope this helps and best of luck for when you TTC x

 

[goingforit]

Yes of course. I think this is natural to have doubts - but just go careful not to let it really stress you out. Being humans I think we all naturally have 'what if' doubts.

I think that its a tricky one not to worry about but only time will tell and I am sure that because of your relationship you will be more aware and do things differently anyhow. I hope this helps and best of luck for when you TTC x

 

[odd_socks]

Yes its very normal to stress, i tend to over think everything and i worry about all those things too. Nobody gets a manual when u have a LO and its a huge change to ur lives but its amazingly rewarding, im sure u will be a great mum good luck x

 

[Mrs Eleflump]

Thank you ladies, it's good to know I'm normal in this respect! I absolutely do overthink everything, and I am prone to anxiety over things I can't control, which I know is totally pointless, but I always figure that if I can control it I'll do something about it, so no point worrying about that stuff anyway, it's the stuff I can't do anything about that I'm going to worry over!!

The past few months I've been iffy with my BCPs as I have really long, painful AFs, so I run several packs together, and I've been getting my AF before the end of a pack lately, so have been stopping early so my AF doesn't last 2 weeks...I've been kind of thinking, now we're married, it wouldn't be so bad at all if an 'accident' were to happen, but I'm trying to be sensible for the reasons in my first post. We're only really DTD once every week or two anyway at the moment as I've recently come off some tablets that killed my sex drive, and I'm only just getting hints of it coming back now, so not a particularly huge risk, and I'm really good with taking my BCPs every day and at the right time otherwise.

In a way I just can't wait til we're financially ready to start trying, I think maybe the length of time we're having to wait is contributing to my stressing!

 

[odd_socks]

im exactly the same about anxious about things i cant control too lol. BCPs killed my sex drive and soared when i stopped them i hope u can get trying soon

 

[hannab]

i think if your worried about how youll be as a mum, youll try to do the best you can which means youll be as good as you can be! if you didnt care id be more worried.

 

[Mrs Eleflump]

Thanks odd_socks and hannab odd_socks, you sound so like me! I know what you mean about the BCPs flattening sex drive as well, I've been on several types and the one I'm on now seems to be ok-ish, but others have been dreadful. Compared to the other options out there though, the BCP is the best of a poor bunch...at least it makes AF not quite so evil.

 

[ladymida]

I think this is natural to have doubts

 

[Mrs Eleflump]

Heehee, it would be good if they popped out with a little instruction book in their tiny hands, wouldn't it?! I hope I'll be a good Mum, I know my husband will be a fantastic Daddy, though I can see us both freaking out at every whimper for the first little while. Maybe I need to do some babysitting of some little ones to get some practice in!

 

[katy1310]

I was exactly the same - I think it's a huge fear of the unknown as well. For a long time, I was scared of being pregnant, (I heard too many horror stories I think!), scared of giving birth and scared in case I wouldn't be a good mum. I hadn't changed a nappy since I was 4 (when I had to change my baby brother's nappy when our granny was looking after us and she couldn't do it, lol!) and I was just so scared that I wouldn't know how to look after a baby! Oh and worried in case we wouldn't manage financially - but having a baby doesn't have to be as expensive as some people make it.

However, after we decided to just go for it and start trying, then I got pregnant, I kind of changed. I loved being pregnant and it was nothing like as scary as I expected. My midwife appointments were fine too - I was always scared about what they'd be like.

I did have a hugely scary end to the pregnancy when I got pre eclampsia at 25 weeks and ended up with an emergency c section at 27 weeks - a c section was perhaps my biggest fear of everything connected to pregnancy and childbirth!!! But even that was fine.

I soon overcame my fear of not being able to change a nappy when we had to change tiny 1lb 13oz Sophie's nappies through 2 holes in the incubator, and I had to start dressing her when she was just 4lbs.

When she came home we got used to her so fast and we've just taken her lead and we're getting on great I absolutely love being a mummy and you just kind of instinctively know what to do. When your baby holds her arms out to you and smiles a huge smile when you go to get them up in the morning it's the most amazing feeling and that makes you feel like you must be doing a good enough job!!

Good luck to you all when you start TTC. xxx

 

[Mrs Eleflump]

Oh wow, how beautiful is your little girl! She's gorgeous! Sounds like you had a really tough start, it's encouraging to know that parents and babies can come through things like that and be fine afterwards. A friend of mine from school had her first baby at 30 weeks, but she was a good size for her age, 4lb, still very scary though.

 

[odd_socks]

i think the fear of the "unknown" is alot worse than reality in most cases

 

[Mrs Eleflump]

oooh, I think being on here has made me realise I am actually insanely broody! I'm not going to do anything about it right now, of course, as we still have the house to save up for etc (how dare you, euromillions, what do you mean I didn't win anything last night?!), but I think I may need to mention to my husband that once we're sorted I'd like to start trying sooner rather than later!

He will be up for it once we have our house, after all he was the one who asked me in front of his very 'macho' best friend, when we were talking about children in general, 'when do we get started on making babies, then?' I told him 'once we're married' and six weeks later he proposed, and 8 months after the proposal we were married, lol!

Now, does anyone fancy giving me £30k for a deposit...?

 

[odd_socks]

i'll lend u £30k if u lend me £60k first