Is it wrong to ASK for a baby shower?

[Whitebread]

I am just wondering if it is acceptable for a mom-to-be to ask a friend to throw them a baby shower. My friend recently asked me and I initially agreed although I thought it was rude of her to ask for gifts like that. Since then she has been texting me almost daily details she wants included in the shower such as who is invited and who isn't and what gifts she needs bought first, etc. Recently she gave me 2 dates that I cannot have the shower on because she is having other baby showers that day. Am I crazy? Is it nuts to have 3 showers? Is she wrong to have asked me for a 3rd knowing she would already have 2? I have told her many times since that basically I think 3 showers is excessive and maybe we can combine them into 2. I told her I am under a lot of stress. My husband and I just bought a house when he got injured and is unable to work and I was laid off from my job. I also miscarried a few months ago so while I am beyond excited for my friend, it is an especially hard time for me right now. She told me that typically you get 4 or 5 showers so 3 isn't a lot to ask for. I think that she needs to realize how lucky she is and stop acting like everyone owes her something more. Am I wrong?

 

[Beadle]

I think that is ridiculous, normally I think asking for a baby shower is ok but not when you have others already and not when she is going to be so obsessive and controlling about it. I would just tell her that you aren't going to do it anymore because of everything that is going on, you can't juggle it all and since she has others it not like she's going to go without one. I think what she is doing is extremely rude because of the way she's going about it and acting. And I have never heard of someone getting 4 or 5 showers, I've only known of getting one shower, and maybe a "meet the baby" party, and that doesn't even usually include getting gifts.

 

[Yipee]

Your friend sounds really pushy, and if she knows about your miscarriage, then really insensitive as well. My SIL had a miscarriage awhile back, and then it was discovered she had a problem with her uterus and might not be able to have kids at all. I don't even mention my baby around her because I don't want to cause her pain. Of course, it's no secret, but I don't want to rub it in her face either.

I've never heard of 5 baby showers. The only reason I can think of having more than one is if you have different groups of people in different areas that can't all get together at once. Honestly, your friend sounds really greedy to me. I would never ask someone to throw me a shower either. If no one offered and I really wanted one, I would throw it myself. I'm not saying it's wrong necessarily to ask, but I just wouldn't feel comfortable doing it.

 

[Loui1001]

I agree with you to be honest. She sounds very pushy and entitled x

 

[AC1987]

I've only ever heard of 1 baby shower and just for your 1st, so having more seems weird, however I had 2 with my first, one up in Canada with my family and then one down with my in laws. Because it was impossible to get everyone together, and also the 2nd was a surprise

 

[maybebaby3]

I think it's rude

 

[SurpriseMom2B]

I asked my sister to throw my baby shower and I feel like that was acceptable because I wanted to make sure who ever was on charge would be reasonable and do a nice job. How ever I only had one shower and don't expect another on, but I didn't think asking my sister was being pushy or rude...

 

[Pers]

I don't think its rude to ask for a shower. I think asking for a third shower for the same pregnancy is unreasonable. The only reason I could see is that 2 of the 3 are far away and asking a friend to host a local shower isn't unreasonable. It may not apply to the friend in the original post but if in-laws were hosting a shower a couple hours away and parents were hosting a shower a couple hours away in another direction then wanting a local shower with friends who can't travel to one of the others is a reasonable request.

 

[BadMamaJAMA]

When I saw the subject line of your post, my first thought was "No, it's not wrong." I hinted to my mom that I would be in town for the holidays, in case she wanted to throw me a shower then... so that's when my (one) shower will take place. But this is my MOM.

I think what your friend is doing is nutty and selfish. I haven't heard for 4 or 5 showers, either. Talk to her. Be honest.

 

[Whitebread]

Thanks everyone. I was starting to think I was crazy. To be clear, all the guests my friend wants to invite live no more than an hour away. She is very much aware of my situation both financially and with my miscarriage but she has asked that I only have positive things to say around her unborn baby so I try not to talk about it.

The shower she wants me to throw would be for her friends who live in a town an hour away from where I live. She wants the shower to be held in that town so it would be as much of a commute for me as it would be for her guests to attend one of the other two showers here.

I think it's not so much that she asked for a shower (although I certainly would never) but that she is EXPECTING it. It's that she's already having two and feels entitled to a third. She is already angry with my because I told her I can't mentally handle it right now and suggested maybe another friend host it.

 

[BadMamaJAMA]

She is very much aware of my situation both financially and with my miscarriage but she has asked that I only have positive things to say around her unborn baby so I try not to talk about it.

This makes me livid for you. So she can't be a good friend to you but demands that you be a good friend to her?!

My best friend lost her son after he was born at 23 weeks. We talk about my pregnancy, her pregnancy, her loss, and whatever else is important to us... that's what friends are for.

I don't know the background here, but it seems like - if this friend got mad and stopped talking to you - that might not be the worst thing.

 

[Larkspur]

Let her be angry. Sounds like you have enough on your plate without dealing with a momzilla like this one. She's out of her damn mind.

 

[hollowmac]

Okay...I am so mad right now reading this. First of all, she sounds like a little selfish brat. NO ONE, no matter who they are or how special they think they are, deserves 3 or more baby showers. And second, for her to tell u that u can't talk about the loss of your baby to her, who is suppose to be your friend, while u are helping her celebrate her baby, is totally nasty. U should tell her to take a flying leap and tell her that u would rather eat nails than to give her selfish butt another baby shower.

 

[Louise88]

I think that's ridiculous and incredibly greedy! My friend wanted to throw me a baby shower although it never went ahead, I wasn't gutted by it and I certainly wouldn't have asked or pushed for one, once my daughter was here people just bought gifts when they came to see her, I appreciated the gifts but wouldn't have have been offended if no one had bought anything. I agree with what's been said dont do it.

 

[Yipee]

Thanks everyone. I was starting to think I was crazy. To be clear, all the guests my friend wants to invite live no more than an hour away. She is very much aware of my situation both financially and with my miscarriage but she has asked that I only have positive things to say around her unborn baby so I try not to talk about it.

The shower she wants me to throw would be for her friends who live in a town an hour away from where I live. She wants the shower to be held in that town so it would be as much of a commute for me as it would be for her guests to attend one of the other two showers here.

I think it's not so much that she asked for a shower (although I certainly would never) but that she is EXPECTING it. It's that she's already having two and feels entitled to a third. She is already angry with my because I told her I can't mentally handle it right now and suggested maybe another friend host it.

Honestly, she sounds pretty awful. Maybe she has some good qualities that balance out these bad ones, but if not, yikes. Friendship is a 2-way street; it seems like she wants her "friends" to bend over backwards to serve her, and what's worse, feels entitled to this. I probably wouldn't even bother with someone like this.

 

[chulie]

I have to agree with others. It really doesn't sound like much of a "loss" in the friendship department if this Diva got pissed and stopped talking to you. Considering what you've been through....she's completed insane!!

 

[PandaMao]

I have to agree with the other ladies. reading this makes me so angry for you. Friends are supposed to support each other. You've suffered a miscarriage and she won't even talk about it with you? That is not a friend. Honestly, she sounds like a real user. I don't think anyone should expect more than one baby shower, some don't even get that. If I were you I would just explain that it's just too much for you too handle right now and that she should get another friend too throw it for her. If this shower is for a group of her friends that are an hour away, one of them can throw it. If she had problem with that, who cares? She obviously doesn't care about you or she wouldn't be pressuring you to do this.

 

[hopefulfor1st]

I've never heard of people to have more than one shower, unless as a previous poster said they have family in another state.

 

[sojourn]

Your friend, however, was a complete cow! I think you should firmly tell her that you are just not up for doing this and that you're sorry if she's upset, but you can't handle it. She'll probably freak out, but if she has ANY redeeming qualities as a friend, she'll get over it. If not, you're better off.

 

[BunnyN]

Good friend, or bad it sounds like on a personal level you have to just b firm and tell her it's too much for you. I agree with others that she is asking too much. It made me mad that she won't let you talk about your MC but when I thought about it, some women find MC a very difficult subject when pregnant and just cant cope with talking about it so if it is that I can kind of understand but she needs to show the same feeling for you and realize a baby shower might be a hard thing for you to be involved in.